Jordan

I had thought that this past weekend would have been different. I had planned to upload Christmas photos and share stories of Christmas, both here and up with my family. I thought it would be all happy, happy, joy, joy but alas, as is often the case, God laughs while I make plans.

Instead of sharing with all of you the happiness of the holiday season and the start of the New Year, I sat and cradled the head my 14.5 year old Dalmatian as I said my thanks and goodbye to him.



Jordan McKay Duncan was a dog I never thought I wanted. He, and his brother, Pixel, were strays that a friend of Dakota's adopted from a shelter when they were 18 months old. She had only wanted Pixel but couldn't leave Jordan behind because he was slated to be put down at the end of that day. She called us and asked if we would take him.

We went to meet him on October 31st and upon meeting me for the first time, he lifted his leg and peed all over me. Not really a great way to endear yourself to me but to him, I think he was marking me as his own. We took him home where he joined 6 month old Jaxon.

The years went by and he grew older but he was always, always, always a wonderful dog with so much love to give. He wormed his way onto my couches and my bed....and definitely my heart.

The last two years have been trying with him. The last year was the hardest I ever went through with an animal. Through it all, I loved him because getting old isn't graceful and it isn't fun......and it was no different for Jordan. It felt like once the kids were both sleeping through the night, Jordan began his numerous nighttime wakings and needing outside. His accidents, too many to count. His getting off schedule and demanding to be fed at 2am for months on end. Believe me, if Jordan wasn't sleeping, I wasn't sleeping either. There have been many nights I logged a pitiful 3 hours of sleep while taking care of Jordan's needs and cleaning up messes.

I honestly believe that Jordan single paw-edly kept SpotShot carpet spot removal in business. He gave my washer and dryer a run for their money. He tried my patience. And even though I would tell myself I wouldn't miss him when he was gone, I knew it would be far from the truth.

Through it all, those big brown eyes would look at me and say "I'm sorry. I love you and I am so sorry to make such messes." And I would forgive him over and over and over as I scrubbed poop out of carpets.

My life revolved around Jordan for the past 18 months. I couldn't be gone for more than a couple hours unless he was gated in the kitchen. And even then, I would often come home to messes. Every moment was consumed with "Does Jordan need out? Does he need medicine? Is he ok? What does he need now?" and the like. It was exhausting. Completely overwhelming and utterly exhausting. But it was my life.

And then...the kids and I got home from Seattle on the 31st. The kids left with Dakota around 5pm and I headed out to Stephanie's to celebrate the New Year. I was back home by 1am to take care of the dogs. I let the dogs out in the backyard to do what dogs need to do except the fireworks were so loud that Maddie got completely wound up. She charged at Jordan, trying to get him to play. Jordan, being unsteady on his legs because his back knees were so weak (from his days of rough play with Jaxon and, as it turns out, perhaps hereditary issues as well) was knocked off balance. I could tell immediately that he was hurt. He limped his way back into the house. I gave him a pain pill to help and I was hoped he would "walk it off" the next day and I started getting everyone settled in for the night. He wanted up on Kaylen's bed. I helped him, as usual, get up on it. Then...after I left the room, he jumped down. The thud and cries were heartbreaking.

I ran in and sat with him until he was calm. I helped him up and tried to get him to sleep on the floor. Nothing doing - he wanted the bed. I helped him up and he stayed there until 6am. He got down on his own and limped outside, then ate his breakfast and, with help, went back to bed. At 8am he got up again without falling but was clearly in pain. I gave him more medication to help. By 830am he couldn't walk without assistance and he would fall to the ground over and over. I sat with him and kept him calm.

At 9:30 I text'd Dakota to fill her in and we made a plan. Having been up very late to celebrate the New Year, the kids were still sleeping. They were up, an hour later, the four of them got ready and headed over. At that point, I had been sitting on the floor with Jordan for a few hours. Stephanie had spent a couple hours talking with me on the phone and listened to me as I talked about Jordan's younger years and all the emotions I was dealing with at that moment. I am so thankful for that connection because sitting with him, knowing what was coming, was painful. I realized losing him was going to be far more difficult than I had been telling myself for the past year.

Finally, around 12:30, Dakota, and everyone, showed up. I was hesitant about having the kids there but it turned out to be a really good thing. They were able to see for themselves that he was in bad shape and I think it helped them understand a bit why we had to make the choice we did.

Kaylen wanted pictures taken with him so we took photos and everyone had some time to say goodbye. We couldn't get him up to get him to the car so we scooted a blanket under him and we all carried him out to the car. Dakota and Vicki went with Jordan and I stayed with the kids.

It was absolutely gut-wrenching to watch them drive away. I pulled myself together for the sake of the kids and I took care of them. Dried their tears and indulged them in making scrapbook pages (their idea) so they could have photos to remember Jordan. They wanted the pictures we had taken printed out, so I downloaded them and printed them. They created pages and Kelton typed up a poem. I think it was really good for them to do while they processed their loss.

Dakota and Vicki soon returned and after a few minutes, we got the kids ready to leave. Just as they were leaving, Stephanie arrived. We said goodbye to the kids and closed the door. It didn't take long before I was a mess of tears. Stephanie held me and let me cry and cry. We spent time with Maddie, who was a mess in her own right. Dakota took care of the kids and got them through the day.

It's been a couple days of intense grieving for all of us. Last night, when I was putting the kids to bed, it was hard for all of us. Jordan was a BIG presence in this house. He was seemingly everywhere and suddenly.....he is no where. It's a huge change that has all of us off kilter and feeling fragile.

In time, we will get used to him not being here but for now? Right now the house is big and empty and quiet.

We miss you Jordan. You will forever be loved by us. Thank you for an amazing 13 years with me.

Filling Time

Can you tell I am killing time today? Well - not really killing it. Trying to fill it up.

The kids went back to school today and without Jordan needing near constant attention, the house is quiet and empty. Maddie, while an attention hound in her own right, is depressed and quiet. Everything feels "off" so I am keeping my mind busy to keep the tears and sadness at bay. I had no idea I would miss him as much as I do. I guess I was just fooling myself.

So - after the kids left for school, and Stephanie headed to work, I got busy. I had a ton of laundry to do (two loads of clothes, one load of Jordan's bedding, and Kelton's bedding. I need to wash Kaylen's bedding, too, but she has made me promise to "never ever wash them again" or...as I actually promised, to not wash them...yet. They smell like dog and need to be washed but Kaylen is grieving for her "bedtime buddy" so I will give her a couple more days.). The laundry amount isn't the overwhelming part - it's the time involved in drying each load. The dryer vent runs half the length of the house and isn't very effective (even after having the line replaced a few years back) so each load takes about 140 minutes to dry. It's a lot. But that's life.

After getting laundry started, I cleaned the kitchen and then started cleaning out the puzzles and games that the kids have outgrown to make room for their new Christmas gifts. That, of course, led to straightening up a bit of the garage and filling my trunk with a ton of stuff to take to Goodwill. Just as well though, I had decided the house was just too weird feeling and I needed to get out for a bit.

I needed to replace the front door locks since they started freezing up (unbeknowst to me. The pet sitter and my neighbor had a terrible time while the kids and I were in Seattle. When I got back, I tried to unlock the door and it took almost 5 minutes before the lock gave and let me in. WOW!) so I headed first to Goodwill and then to Home Depot.

In the row with the very cool address signs, I find the door locks. The fancy ones called my name but the checkbook slapped reality into me and I settled for the basic style but I did step it up and bought the brushed stainless. I tried hard to convince myself that with my weakening hand muscles, the new ADA approved handle would be a better option but...the reality of saving $13 won out. Oh well...not like I use the front door all that much anyway since I park in the garage. :)

After Home Depot, I ran into the grocery store and picked up milk and then headed home. I got to work quickly on the locks and within an hour, they were installed and I had rekeyed them to fit my current key. Yes, I said *I* rekeyed them. My brother told me about Kwiklock locks that come with a master key so that you can rekey the lock without changing the lock any time you want. FANCY! Once I figured it out, it was quick and easy. No sense incurring the cost of new keys when I don't have to.

I have to say, I am VERY proud of myself for my new found lock changing ability. Yay me!!!

Just call me Casey the Locksmith. If you need your locks changed...I will be happy to help you for a reasonable fee. :)

Everything but the Kitchen Sink

Let's talk kitchen sinks, shall we?

Mine is an almond color. Don't judge. It came with the house and it works just fine, thank you. :) The truth is, I like it. It was a big side and a smaller side and it is deep. I do not like shallow kitchen sinks. In mine you can hide a stack of dishes and from the breakfast bar, no one would ever know they were in there. So see? I like my almond color kitchen sink.

But what I don't like it how easy it stains. Coffee will stain it as will red sauces, etc. I scrub it a lot and sometimes I let bleach sit in it to give it a good bleaching. And yet, more times than not, it doesn't look at clean as I would like it to look.

So let's discuss the stainless steel sink. Those stay stain-free but do they get scratched or do they resist damage like that - even after years go by? I remember my parents had stainless. Stephanie has stainless and so does my sister. They tend to show water spots if you aren't careful though, yes? My sink does not though pans will leave black scuff marks that need to be scrubbed out.

Not that I plan to replace the kitchen sink at this point in time but you know me...always thinking. :)

Gold

Have you seen that commercial....the one with the $50.00 value gold coin that is currently available for a mere $9.95? Do you think those suckers are *really* worth $50? And if so, WHY are they selling them for 1/5 the value?

It does get me thinking though about the value of gold. Is this a good time to buy gold bullion or sell your no longer needed gold jewelry? It's so confusing.

Buy? Sell?

*rolling on the floor laughing*

Yeah...like that's a real issue for me. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

But still......it does leave me wondering.

Post Christmas Clean Up...or Not

Well - Christmas is over. I would say the tree is down, but it isn't. Kaylen doesn't want the season to be over AT ALL so I agreed to let things stay up until this weekend when she will be here to help me pack it all up.

Personally, I'm mixed. I wasn't but I am now. I love the living room all holiday'd out but with all that has happened in the past couple days (more on that later. It deserves it's own post.), I think I'm ready to have it all put away and cleaned up.

But the clean up - oh the clean up. The kids gifts are placed under the tree and the thought of finding places for everything is daunting. Kelton has always been reluctant to give away outgrown toys and Kaylen is following suit (she used to be SO good about saying goodbye to things!) I confess that I cleaned out the puzzle and game cabinet this morning and made way for their new things. I'm sure Goodwill was happy to see me coming. :) Perhaps they even broke out their Champagne to cheer the 3rd of January since that has consistently been the date I take a huge carload of stuff to them.

But for today, everything stays put. So if you still feel the need for a bit of Christmas, come over and sit in my living room. :)

Business Loans

I came across information for bad credit small business loans and I have to say, at first thought this seems to me like a not great thing but then, when I started thinking about it, maybe for some this could be just the ticket out of trouble and back into the middle class.

When you first think "bad credit", you don't usually put that together with business loan. I mean...let's look at it like this: if you aren't paying your bills, why should you get a loan that ...you know...you have to pay back which we already stated, you aren't doing.

BUT......what if you had just fallen on hard time and defaulted on things without it being a habitual issue? Wouldn't you deserve a chance to start over? To maybe chase a dream that could put you back on track for obtaining the "American Dream" again?

Don't we all deserve a second...and sometimes a third...chance to try again?

I think we all deserve to chase our dreams and find success with that which makes us happy and fulfilled.

So rock on, people. Rock on.

Do good.

Yep. That's what we are doing around here. Waiting. And waiting some more.

Kaylen, said this morning, "I can't believe Christmas is in TWO days! I've been waiting FOREVER!!"

As a mom, I have to say that the time has flown by. I'm ready though - as ready as I will be. So bring it on....let's get this party started!!! :)

Merry Christmas to you all!!!!

The Weather Outside...

...is actually quite nice. Cold, but clear. A perfect day. It could actually pass for summer time....you know, if I could pretend the trees had leaves on them. Maybe, if I closed my eyes for a minute, and concentrated hard, I just might be able to hear happy children playing in the yard, or in the pool. I might be able to hear birds chirping. Maybe, in my minds eye, I would be able to see two happy dogs laying in sun patches in the grass. I could have a different set of "worries" like if I need a swimming pool fence to keep the kids safe, or trying to figure out a good time to get the lawn mowed.

But summer it is not. We are at the official start of winter. December 21st. Six more months until thoughts of swimming pools and whatnot fill my head. Right now, it's all about the Ho Ho Ho, Fa La La and how to keep bored children from spinning out of control. Kelton does better with no routine. He finds things to do. Right now he is working on building a webpage and writing a Winter Break journal. Kaylen is a tougher one. She is B.O.R.E.D. She wants to be in school, and with her friends. She has gone through so many activities today, including helping me make Peppermint Kisses. That activity alone kept us busy for over an hour and yet...10 minutes later, she was complaining about being bored again. *sigh*

I love having them home with me though- bored, or not. I love having them running around and I don't even mind the huge messes they make with their craft supplies and toys. I cherish every moment I have with them....even the moments that are hard and frustrating. :)

I wish it would snow today. And a lot. A few years ago we had so much snow this time of year - something crazy like 20 inches. It kept falling and falling and it was amazing and wonderful and magical. You know, until the ice dams caused the melting snow to seep into the ceiling in the living room...but even then, it was still magical in the world. Christmas should have snow. Plain and simple. But Christmas in the Northwest rarely does. Doesn't make me stop wishing for it though. :)

Snow would be awesome. The kids would have so much fun building snow people and we could go for snow walks. Build a fire, have hot cocoa and watch Christmas shows. As it is, this afternoon I am planning to do the whole fire, cocoa and Christmas shows thing but snow would make it that much more magical.

Let it snow. That's what I say.

In the meantime, here are some photos I took of the Peppermint Kiss making. I would share the recipe but I don't wanna. :)








YUMMY!!!!! These little things are incredibly addicting. Yum Yum Yum!!!!

This Love Is Ours

I am so loving this song!!!

"Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard. The stakes are high, the water is rough, but this love is ours...."

Christmas Week

Well. Here we are. Christmas week. I can hardly believe another year of life is winding down. Honestly, it doesn't so much seem like it should be nearing the end of December already. September. Yes. But no later in the year than that.

Not that anyone asked me. :)

The house is decorated and ready to go. There are gifts under the tree waiting for the big day. I have plans to make some Christmas goodies this week and then, of course, Santa cookies for Christmas Eve. As Christmas' go, this is a fairly simple one and that's fine by me.

In the days after Christmas, the five of us will be traveling to Seattle for Christmas with my family. I've been a little stressed over how all our stuff, gifts and us will fit in the car (not to mention the gifts coming back!) but I also know it always seems to work out. It's times like these I think "An RV would be good. It would have enough room." But alas, no RV in my future which, of course means, I don't have to worry about rv insurance. So all in all...that's a good thing. :)

Christmas. Fa la la la la and all that. My emotions go back and forth - I'm wishing it was over and I'm trying to soak it all in. Christmas, as an adult, sure isn't the same as Christmas as a child. So I'm doing all I can to make sure my children have a great, memory-worthy Christmas. Lots of fun, laughter and family. Because it's not about what's UNDER the tree. It's about who you have to celebrate with.

Something Monumental, This Way Comes

No. Seriously, you guys. THIS is monumental news. In my world, I call it earth shaking. In yours....well...you'd probably call it every day life.

Are you ready?

No, really. Are you sitting down?

Ok well - if you aren't, you have no one to blame but yourself when you fall over.

Here goes:

I COOKED. Twice this week. And I don't mean kid-friendly, pop it in the microwave cooking. I've been doing *that* for years. I also don't mean "Oh look! I boiled water and added pasta." Again, I've been doing that for years.

I mean honest to goodness COOKED. Meat, no less. With side dishes to ...you know...make a well-balanced, honest to God, meal. With meat.

Yes, that nasty smelling, raw stuff. I cooked it and.......Kelton ate it and LIKED IT! Holy moly Batman -alert the authorities.

As a rule, in my previous life, I would say "Oh - I don't cook." and well, it was true. But in recent months....say....possibly 11 or 12 months, I have very slowly and carefully started learning how to cook. I had the basics down before: Omelette's? Mine rocked. Scrambled eggs? Perfection! Banana bread? Off the charts freakin' fantastic! My grandmother's Mac-n-Cheese? Oh yes - I can rock that really well, too. I even ventured into the land of homemade gluten-free stuffing for Thanksgiving. (and I have learned to cook a wicked good stuffed hash browns and eggs over medium, too!)

But "meals"? Rarely. And meat? NEVER.

Tonight though.....without benefit of a miller welding helmet, I made hamburger patties with melted cheese. The other night? Shake-n-Bake chicken. Side dishes? Yes, thank you very much.

And both nights, I purposely walked outside for a few minutes just so I could walk back in and smell the amazing aroma of food that I, myself, had cooked. I'm telling you, I am very proud of myself. I not only cooked meat but I TOUCHED it. And if you know me, you know there is precious little that grosses me out more than touching raw meat.

I am so proud of me.

Yeah - I know. A regular day in most of your lives but for me - HUGE! :)

Christmas Cookies

Today I wanted to do fun Christmas things with the kids as this is the last weekend before Christmas that they will be with me (though thankfully, I do have them with me during Christmas break - which I am VERY happy about. I love having this special time with them even when it is patience-trying. *grin*). I had a few "have to's" to get done but I also sprinkled in some fun into the errands. And I arranged for my friend, Cande, and her two girls to come over for Christmas cookie making. We picked up some firewood, cookie making supplies and a Christmas movie (Jack Frost). We even grabbed some McDonald's (the first time I've taken them to McDonalds in about ummmmm....six months. Wow!) after we finished our running around.

We came home and ate while we started watching Jack Frost. After lunch, I built a nice fire and made the living room cozy. We love fires in the fireplace but we only seem to have them when the Christmas tree is up. Ah tradition!

After the movie, I went to work finding all the cookie cutters and getting things ready. The kids helped me straighten up (and Kelton did a GREAT job cleaning the bathroom!) and then, while we waited for our friends to arrive, we wrapped the gifts for the Seattle cousins.

Finally our friends arrived and the fun was off and running! The four kids get wild and crazy when they are around each other and Cande and I try to not lose our minds. :) The kids (with help) rolled out the dough and used the cookie cutters to create their cookies. We baked their creations and cleaned up the mess while they all ran off to play. When the cookies were cool, we called them in for round two of the messy fun.

Oh my! The fun that was had. At one point, we were all laughing so hard it was hard to breathe. Kelton was using so much red gel stuff that when the tube started running low, it made "farting" sounds. Could it be any more hysterical for a 10, 9, 6 and 4 year old? No. No it could not be. :)

After the cookie making, the little girls pulled out Let's Dance for the Wii and went crazy. Oh my!!! So cute!

All in all, we had a great Christmas-y day! And now, as the hours of the day dwindle, we are all snuggled on my bed watching Frosty Returns. It's been a good day!!

December Fun

Oh How I Hate 3AM

I was exhausted last night. I've been running a low grade fever for a few days (probably due to my syringomyelia since I don't feel sick at all) and by 6pm last night, I could barely keep my eyes open. I made it to 8:30 and then tucked the children into their beds. I watched a half hour of TV and then shut off the light, sinking down onto my pillow with a happy sigh. Only.....sleep didn't come. As it does in the dark of night, my mind started racing with worries and whatnot. Finally around 11, I dozed off.

At 3, Jordan woke me by jumping down off Kaylen's bed (where he sleeps). I sleep incredibly lightly - which sucks for me but which is also good when you have an old dog. I let Jordan outside and stood in the open door, as the freezing air swirled around me, for a good 10 minutes as I encouraged Jordan to do what he needed to do. He is old and I swear he has a bit of dementia. He peed a few times (yes - you read that right) and then convinced me with his sad eyes that he was done.

I let him back in and helped him back up on Kaylen's bed.

No more sleep for me though. The stresses and worries hit me like a ton of bricks. I watched the clock go from 3:15 to 4:25 to 4:40 and then..I drifted off. 5am and Jordan's awake again. I put him outside AGAIN (because I know he needs to poop) and again I play the "GO!" game with him to no avail. Ten minutes later, I give up and in he comes. He and I go back to our beds. This time I drift off in about 15 minutes......

He's up again at 5:30. I put him outside AGAIN and then I give up and feed him. I put him outside again and he just stands on the patio for several minutes and just stares at me. I sigh and let him in.

We walk back to the bedrooms and.........HE POOPS ON THE FLOOR! SERIOUSLY?????????

I haven't slept for more than a wink and a nod since Three-Freaking-O'Clock and at 5:45 he poops on the floor?!??!?!?!?! He had been outside FOUR times!

So let's recap, shall we? I slept from 11-3 which is 4 hours.....add in *maybe* 30 more minutes and you get a whopping 4.5 hours of sleep. And I wish I could say this was a rarity. But it is not.

Any wonder why I fall apart emotionally every few weeks?!?!

Ugh!!!!

Gifts Under the Tree

Ask and ye shall receive.

Kaylen wanted gifts, wrapped and pretty, under the tree, so I made that wish come true. The kids are with Dakota this weekend and, since I had nothing to do this morning, I ran out and bought some tape (we go through tape like it's water. The kids LOVE using tape), came home, pulled out the gifts and started wrapping.

Instead of putting on something Christmas-y to watch, I turned on an episode of Tori and Dean's Home Sweet Hollywood because well....I could. :)

I wrapped and wrapped and wrapped and soon it was done. Well...not all of it. I left the cousin gifts for Kaylen to help me with. She loves to wrap. I put a couple gifts for each other the kids, and our gifts for Stephanie and Andrew, under the tree. The gifts joined the presents that my grandmother sent down for us.

I have to say, Kaylen was right. The tree just looks prettier with gifts under it.

Guitars

I was just thinking the other day how there used to be so many musical instruments in my house. I had two guitars. Dakota had two guitars. For a while I had an electric guitar but I never really played it so I consigned it. We never had gretsch guitars but we did have a djembe and various other percussion devices. Kelton even had a drum set, not to mention to other music sets that are well known for toddlers and preschoolers.

When Kelton was born, we uprooted ourselves and moved 3.5 hours south. At that time, I decided to let my guitars go since I never played them (and honestly, with a baby, my hands were quite full). We moved everything else with us. The toddler set was outgrown eventually, though it still does reside in the garage and Kaylen will pull it out every so often to play with it. The rest? It all moved out when Dakota did and now resides with her. Including Kelton's drum set. She has a basement and had room for it, so it just made sense.

I find, at times, I miss having music producing items around. I will, at times, briefly think about how much I miss playing my guitar. But the truth is, I wouldn't play it. I have too many other things I want to do with my time. It was great though, in days gone by, to just pick up the case, pull it out and start making music.

Music is good. But for now, the radio will have to do. :)

December 1st

My Facebook post today went a little like this: "Wow. December. Again. How?"

And yes, that is how I am feeling. How in the world can it be December again already? Sometimes I can hear my grandmother's voice saying "Stop trying to speed things up. Just wait. The older you get, the faster time will go."

Score one for Grandma. She sure nailed that one.

Right now, my life is threatening to overwhelm me. Yes, again. Maybe it's still. I don't know. But whatever the case, there it is. The day to day, while certainly enough to keep me busy and wondering how I will get it all done, isn't so bad. It's the emotional parts that get me. And this time of year? It's filled with emotional parts. Let's not forget my posting from December 1, 2009. The holidays? They are definitely NOT what they used to be. But they are what I choose to make it so I'm trying. God knows I'm trying.

Kaylen wants to know why I haven't wrapped their gifts and put them under the tree yet. After all, she says, trees are prettier with presents under them. Touche, young one, touche. I told her I just haven't had time yet. Maybe I will wrap a couple things this weekend and slide them under there as a surprise for when they come back home Sunday. I just don't want them to get used to looking at the few things I have for them and thinking "That's it?" because yes, that is it. From me, at least. Santa will have something for each of them. Dakota and Vicki will have some for them. Stephanie will have a gift for each. Other family gifts will be received at family gatherings.

I still need to find a way to let them know there will be no Christmas stocking for me this year. I've been working on the backstory....you know, money problems across the world so Santa is asking parents if it is ok if he skips filling their stocking this year so that there is more for the kids. I don't know. I'm wishing like heck we never let them believe that Santa fills Mommy's stocking too. *sigh* But that's life. It won't always be like this but it is what it is.

I don't have a lot of questions about what to get people in my life this year because there isn't money for that. Pictures of the kids just might have to do. On one hand, it's kind of nice to not have to worry about things like "what is the best ps3 game to get someone" or "Gosh - will they like this thing I found for them?" On the other hand....it sucks. My biggest worry is the kids. Which is what my biggest worry should be - and has been.

It's hard - this time of year. Yesterday I spent a few good hours under my covers coming out to brave the world at either end to take care of kids and chores and whatnot. I don't regret taking some hours to hide. I find there are just days I need to hide. And cry. Licking my wounds, as it were, for a few hours (maybe a day or two) here and there help me get back to facing the world.

And facing the world is something I always get back to.

Ready. Or not.

Jack is Back!

The morning after Thanksgiving, Jack made his big reappearance in the house. The kids were thrilled, and mystified, because I hadn't left his box out for him to escape from. How, then, did he make it all the way to the fireplace mantle?

Christmas magic.

They decided that he must have spent the time we were gone on Thanksgiving Day getting out of his box, figuring how to crawl out of the plastic Christmas decoration bin, and get into the house from the garage. The theories were flying around and I kept shrugging my shoulders and saying "I don't know. It must be Christmas magic." (Jack and his box live in my closet all year long so I know exactly where to find him when I need him. The kids do not know this.)

But where was his book? The one that tells the story of Elf on the Shelf? Again, I said "I don't know." (All the while kicking myself for not putting it out. What can I say? It was past midnight and I was tired and not thinking clearly the night I pulled him out.)

The excitement of it all was too darn cute.

A couple days later, the book "magically" appeared next to him as he sat perched on Santa's shoulder.

Every morning, the first thing the kids say is "I need to go find Jack!" and they race off. Kelton, usually up first, will find him and then wait and not say anything. Then Kaylen will go and search for him when she gets up. It's the best part of the morning.

I have to say, Jack the Elf is one of my favorite things about the Christmas season. It's just the right amount of magic sprinkled into every day.

Post Thanksgiving Post

Thanksgiving turned out to be an amazing day. I will freely admit that I was apprehensive about Thanksgiving, given that I think I have a wee bit of post traumatic stress over the whole thing. I finally spilled all my fears and concerns with Stephanie and, after a very reassuring conversation, I felt better. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn to spill my innermost thoughts *before* they rob me of sleep and inner peace and contentment. Oh sure - I have a million reasons why I keep stuff bottled up but really? Once they are out in the open, I usually feel much better. That whole moral support, love and understanding thing, don't ya know. :)

I won't tell you that all my anxiety was magically gone after opening up but I no longer had the urge to hid under the covers until it was over. I was still awake most of the nights fretting about this, that or the other. No rhyme or reason to my fretting - it was open season for my fears and insecurities.

Anyway.....Thanksgiving Day dawned and we were off and running. Kaylen and I got down to business and made gluten free stuffing and the kids broke out all sorts of craft projects to keep themselves busy. Dakota and Vicki stopped by on their way out of town and made cinnamon rolls with the kids and hung out for about an hour.



After that, the kids and I packed up the car and headed over to Stephanie's were we spent 11 hours hanging out, eating, playing games and laughing so hard our sides hurt. Apples to Apples and Uno brought hours of good times. Too soon, it was time to head home and put the kiddos to bed. Kelton was thrilled to see the clock change to midnight and then sleepily called out "Happy Black Friday!" Silly child. :)

For some reason, I was awake at 5:30 and the kids were up by 7:30. Needless to say, we had a come to Jesus meeting about being nice to each other and using nice tones and words to help us all get through a day on very little sleep.

Kelton was dying to see what Black Friday was all about. Kaylen and I were content to stay in and decorate the tree but.....life is all about compromise so we all got ready and headed over to Fred Meyer so Kelton could, in his words, "experience his first ever Black Friday that he could remember." I had told him that we used to take him with us when he was a baby but once he got big enough to know what we were getting for him, we stopped and then Dakota and I took turns going out to shop.

The only reason I truly agreed to go out in the craziness today was that Kelton has destroyed three pair of his jeans in the past couple weeks and he really did need more. I knew they would be on a heck of a sale today. And they were. I got two pair of jeans for $9.99 each (regular price $24.99 each)! The kids sweet talked me into buy one game, get one free so they came home with electronic Scrabble and Uno Attack. I had a hard time saying yes but games are something they are needing since they have outgrown Candy Land, Monoploy Jr., 5 Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, and the other games for very young children. Still....it was a hard decision for me and I'm still not sure I made the best call. (The games are fun though!)

After coming out of Fred Meyer alive and well, we came back home and worked on setting up the Christmas tree.


Once that was done, Kaylen and I headed outside to put up a few outside decorations. Sadly, I am unable to get up my favorite decoration since I can't figure out how to get it where it needs to go. I could have cried when I realized I just couldn't do it but - that's life, I guess. I may figure out a way yet but for today, I put it back in its box in the garage.


Kaylen and I came back inside and I made her hot chocolate, since she really wanted some. I think it's cute - she equates hot chocolate with Christmas decorating and Kelton equates egg nog. Sadly, I didn't have egg nog on hand and we decided to skip trying to get it at Fred Meyer since it was insane in there. I really wish we had had some.

From there, I changed my sheets, caught up on laundry, and straightened things up.

And now? I. Am. Exhausted. And my back is killing me.

But as always, it is worth it all just to see the happy smiles on my kids faces as they pulled out decorations and played the "remember when" game. For a while, I just stood back, watched, and listened to them. It was awesome. I love that they are old enough to oooh and aaaah over everything.

Life is good.

Today