A Few of My Favorite Things

I'm having a blah kind of day.....several reasons of which none are big deals on their own, but stacked on top of each other...well....

Anyway....I was messing around with my "big" camera today and, shock of all shocks, the zoom was actually behaving itself so I humored myself and took a few photos. Nothing spectacular (and I realized I missed many opportunities with the kids riding their bikes)...just messing around to see if I could remember how to use all the features. (I can't...in case you were wondering. Hee hee. Must use it more often.)

I took a few pictures and thought "Hey! I could put a few photos on the blog to highlight some of my favorite things around the house." No mind you - these are just a small sampling of my favorite things because I follow a basic rule: if it doesn't make me happy, and doesn't fill a need or desire, it doesn't belong in my home. :) That makes it easy to look around and be happy.

Dallas, my 14 year old cat, yearning to go outside.

This shelf unit. I have always wanted a sofa table (or the like) to house a collage of photos. This unit works perfectly for me and makes me very happy each and every time I pass by it. The two cubbies (top and bottom) on the left side are the kids cubbies for their backpacks and books. Clearly over the summer weeks, they have come to house a lot of other things. The others are a collection of arts/crafts things for the kids. No matter - it's the top that makes me smile. And it is a piece of furniture I picked out completely on my own for myself. :)

This photo trio was taken January 2005. Just weeks away from giving birth to Kaylen. My son and I.....such a precious, sweet memory for me.

LOVE this one! It's Kelton at 10 months old. What is he looking at through the soft curtain? Me! The best part of this memory though is him trying to crawl forward and into my arms. It took forever to get this shot. :)

Kelton around 10 months. Isn't it amazing?

Kaylen at a year old. I so love the softness and beauty of this portrait.

And my most favorite things aren't things at all..........

My Princess Patch. This is what she looked like at the start of the two hours. What she looked like *after* isn't fit for print. Let's just say it was a hard go for patching today.

Kelton, figuring out Pokemon Black strategies.

Surreal

Recently a neighbor friend from my childhood located me on Facebook. Today, she posted this:

It's a photo of my brothers, sister and me. I'm the short girl in pigtails looking oh so innocent. :) I'm guessing somewhere close to 1972 which makes me around six or seven. Close to Kaylen's age. Wow. (Something tells me this was probably our Christmas photo from 1971 but I can't be sure.)

It's surreal when people have pictures from your childhood that even you don't have. How cool that she posted it. :)

Semi-Annual Portraits

I remember well the years gone by when I would take the kids in monthly and then bi-monthly and then "just several times a year" portraits. Now it seems I am doing good if I get them in twice a year: Christmas and then one other time to update the yearly photo of the three of us (a tradition that started by happy accident when Kelton was 20 months old).

Today was that "not Christmas but the other time" opportunity to take them in. Both with their new glasses: kind of an official kick off to who we are, and what we look like, starting yesterday.

The annual photo of the three of us:

The kiddos together:

Kaylen twirling in her dress. This was not a favorite of mine but she was all about it. Try as I might, she could not be talked out of it.

Kelton being cool. A good shot but not my favorite of just him alone. Still....he could not be talked out of it either because he wanted his cool shorts to show. *rolling my eyes just a bit*


Not bad, eh? :) I really like the one of the three of us. It's so cool to watch them grow and change. Check it out:

Hmmmm...how quickly it turns

Remember that post this morning? The one where I ended it saying it was a good day? Yeah- that one. I remember it fondly because not too long after that, things took a turn. And not a good one.

The painted bird house: finished and not quite dry, my daughter insisted I add a rope and hang it up. Her first choice was a tree branch in the back yard. I hung it up and walked into the house to put things away and not even two seconds later, a nearly hysterical crying child was at my side. "What?!" I demanded asked. Apparently Master Kelton informed her that a bird house in the backyard meant lunch for Zip the cat. She couldn't abide with the thought that she would be responsible for a bird's death. Giving Kelton the evil eye only got be a "What?!?! You know I'm right." response.

*sigh*

I grabbed the stool and removed the tree house. Kaylen agreed to a tree branch in the front yard and after it was accomplished, she thought not a thought more about it.

Then came patching. Kaylen needs to patch her strong left eye so her weak right eye will step up and learn to do its share. She is already fighting losing sight in it so patching is ultra vital. We agreed that the day she got her new glasses, we would start. Today was that day...only.....she wanted no part of it. Sticking to my mommy guns, I wasn't backing down. It sucked because I really wanted to snatch her up in my arms and never have to deal with any of this. It's so not fair so when she screams that at me, I have no response but "You're right! It sucks and it's NOT fair!" I hate that we have to patch and deal with this but I'm going to hate it more if she loses her sight because I didn't do everything I could to prevent it.

It was an ugly half an hour. Kicking, screaming, crying, yelling "I can't see anything!" and me saying she didn't have a choice, explaining for the millionth time why we had to do it and if she really couldn't see anything (which I knew not to be true) I would call the eye doctor and get her in today. Nope- she didn't want that. Finally she agreed to 5 minutes. It was a tiny victory but I was taking it. With Kelton's help, I was able to get her involved in a puzzle book (passive activities are out when patching. She has to be actively engaged with something - her eyes and her hands - so puzzles, crafts, reading and computer work.) and Kelton and I worked her through 30 minutes. Miracle of miracles, she then agreed to 20 more. Not the two hours that is required but not bad for a first day when she was bound and determined not to do it.

I was mentally exhausted after that....and yet, still more of the day to come.

I took care of things and of small people even though every muscle in my body was screaming at me to stop and rest. For some reason, since the car accident, I have been plagued more days than not with nagging pain and aching muscles. All syrinx related. That's just life. Today was a bad day.

Later found me dealing with PTO stuff and other emails while I made dinner for the wee ones. Stephanie, bless her heart, surprised me by bringing dinner over tonight. I ate though I really wasn't hungry and was pretty disengaged. Exhaustion and pain consumed me.

After dinner Kelton started in on me about wanting to go and do something. We had no where to go, nothing that needed to be done, I felt awful and no money anyway so while he argued his case for almost 30 minutes, I got to sit there and feel crappy that he was unhappy. Such is life....yet again.

About that time, it was noticed that the pool had lost most of its water. Oh crap. Clearly the inflatable ring around it had a hole and while it was not completely deflated, it had lost enough air that the water had emptied out. Fan-freaking-tastic. I didn't have a clue where to start though I did recall a strange sound that happened this morning when Zip the cat was playing in the yard. Clearly his razor sharp claw had made contact.

Stephanie helped me find the hole (soooo tiny!) and then while she took her leave (she has been working very long hours for the past week), I patched it, reinflated, cleaned the muck out (a good time since there was less water to deal with) and then refilled the pool. During this time, Kaylen came squealing out of the house nearing hysteria* about a broken lamp. (*note: hysteria is common these days with her. Everything, and I mean everything, is a crisis.)

I took a deep breath while I fought back the urge to cry and scream with frustration. Surprisingly calmly, I asked what happened. She has been in the garage getting down the box of costumes when the box slipped from the shelf and crashed into the lamps that I had sitting out there waiting for a garage sale. One of the lamps shattered.

I calmly (I think I was too exhausted to be anything but removed from it all) said "It's ok. Did you get hurt? No? Good, I'm glad you didn't get hurt. Ok...I'll clean it up when I'm done here." and I continued to sift the pool water through the net.

I got the pool taken care of and I went in to deal with the broken lamp. Oh dear. It was everywhere. I felt numb as I cleaned it up. I'm thankful it wasn't a broken lamp all over the carpet in the house. With the zillion shards of ceramic, I'm pretty sure I would have had to call in the carpet cleaning raleigh nc specialists.

Clearly, I had had enough tonight. Yet there was more: still laundry to deal with and a dishwasher to unload.

Kaylen wanted help on the computer. Kelton wanted attention. I took care of everyone and everything and sat down for a few minutes. A text came through from a friend of mine and she gave me a website for Patch Pals. I looked it up on my phone and then I called Kaylen in and told her about it. She wanted to see! I pulled it up on the computer and we were both delighted to find a games section which is for kids to use while the do their daily "patch time"! She was very excited and wanted to go check it out. I held her off saying we would do it tomorrow while she was wearing her patch because that's the rule for the website. Suddenly she was making plans for patching first thing in the morning since her eye wouldn't be as tired and it wouldn't hurt as much (smart girl!). She even enlisted the help of Kelton to log her in as soon as she is awake.

On the site is also t-shirts, other patches and a book. She is really wanting to get some stuff. In the blink of an eye, patching went from a punishment to something really special. I don't know if this will hold true for long but at least I put a happy girl to bed tonight.

How could she not love the princess t-shirt? She squealed with delight!


After tucking them in, I crawled into my own bed with my laptop. I'm so tired right now that I have no clue how I am even still awake.

It's been a long, long, long day.

Back Up Glasses

So..if there is one thing I've learned through the year of Kaylen having glasses it's this:
Back-up glasses are not a luxury. They are a necessity.

To that end, I just finished ordering back-up glasses for both kids from ZenniOptical.com. It's the same place I've purchased previous back-up sets for Kaylen and I have to tell you, she has gotten a lot of use out of her last set. Her first set? Not so much because it was only three weeks before she jumped up lens strength but the next set she has been wearing more days than not since she fell at the skating rink this spring and sprung her expensive ones. No matter how much they were tweaked, they would never sit quite right and they slid down all the time.

So, for $32.70 I will have a back-up pair for both kids. I seriously cannot recommend back-up pairs enough! You just never know what is going to happen and, when you have a child with vision issues as severe as Kaylen, they can't afford to go a single hour...let alone a day or a week...without glasses. It's peace of mind for $32.70. And that is worth every penny to this mom.

Here is what I ordered:

Kaylen's:
Kelton's:

Today

It's almost noon. Today is half over but the kids and I have already had a full day. I don't know about them, but I'm ready for a nap. :)

Today the kids were chomping at the bit to see if their glasses were in yet. I dialed the number and handed the phone to Kelton. Yes indeed - their glasses had arrived! Before I knew it, we were on our way to Kaiser Optical.

Sadly, I was so busy keeping their (well, Kelton's) excitement under control that I didn't take photos. But fear not, since it was only 9:30am, the kids and I decided to stop by Seize the Bagel for breakfast.

I took photos of them in their new specs.

After taking photos of Kaylen, I decided I couldn't let her hair slide for another day. OY! We walked up the shopping center walkway until we reached Supercuts and I signed her in. Yes, she is growing out her hair "princess long" but there is only so much a mom can take. The wait was 30 minutes so we walked back down the shopping center walk and stopped in at a few little shops - like the music shop and the craft store. They each picked out a special thing; Kelton a small art book and Kaylen a bird house to paint. Again, there are no photos except this one: :)

Awesome, isn't it?

We walked back to Supercuts and my favorite stylist sat Kaylen down and gave her a trim. Jodi knows I'm not crazy about Kaylen wanting to grow out her hair so she is supportive of my mommy meltdown about the sides winging out, her very strong natural side part, the desire for braids and ponytails. Jodi is doing her best to keep it looking decent while it is growing out. Honestly? I don't like long hair on little girls. I'm trying my best to support this decision of Kaylen's but it is silently killing me. I LOVED her short hair. Kaylen is convinced that she will have long, blonde princess hair. So - in the end, we are both not going to get what we want. Sad.

After her haircut, the kids and I headed home. Within minutes, Kaylen was happily painting her bird house and Kelton was snuggled on the couch drawing.






It's been a good day so far!

Having a good day with my kiddos is worth its weight in gold. This afternoon I will get all my regular daily stuff taken care of and I just might have time to look into the life insurance information I received a few days ago. Life insurance to protect these little angels of mine is a necessity, not a luxury. I can't wait until the day it becomes something I can afford easily....or better yet, is part of a great benefits package with a great job attached. I have a feeling that day will be coming soon.

Life is coming together....slowly but surely.

More is Easier. Who Knew?

Can I just admit that for all those years I dreaded play dates, I was out of my mind? As in Out. Of. My. Mind.

Having another child (or two) around makes life so much easier. I seem to remember hearing or reading that nugget of wisdom somewhere once but I scoffed. Really? Easier with more kids? No way.

Way!

Andrew has been around the past days and it has been great! Both boys are, by nature, couch potatoes, however when you put them (and Kaylen, of course) together something amazing happens - games of tag, swimming, running races, rolling on the floor belly laughter, silly made up games, dress up and imagination games. My couch potato MOVES! A lot. His snacking decreases and his energy level increases and above all else, happy laughter fills the air.

Late this afternoon, for a brief time, Kaylen had a friend stop in and it was a double dose of heaven! The girls huddled up and played Barbies and the boys continued to play an interactive Wii game. The house had a controlled chaos feel to it - but it was CONTROLLED! Everyone was happy and happy children are a good thing!

This summer won't be filled with trips....I have no reason to look into air fares or rv insurance quote (to be honest though, I am intrigued with those rental RV's....cool idea for someday)....but what it IS filled with is plenty of at-home fun memories.

As a child, I didn't take fancy vacations. We went camping for two weeks the end of every July and that was our summer vacation. It was perfect and I longed for nothing more. I didn't know there was anything more to long for. I was content with our summers of riding bikes, trips to the Woodland Park Zoo, trips to the Seattle Science Center (thanks to grandparents, we always had memberships), tanning in the front yard with my sister as we read books, playing Barbies (I'm sure my sister would like me to tell you that *she* didn't play Barbies with me....and it's true. She didn't.), and swimming in the backyard pool. I was happier than heck playing with neighbors and my brothers and sister. I longed for nothing and was happy with not much.

And you know what? That is exactly what I hope for when it comes to my children. I hope they appreciate the small things and aren't always looking for the next big thing. I want them content with what they have. To strive for more, of course, but to be happy with what they have and where they are.

If today is any example, I want them as happy as they are right now...this very minute. I want their laughter to ring through and fill them completely like the belly laughs I am hearing right this minute.

Life is good.

Monday

After a string of nice days (all in a row!), can I tell you that I am actually a tad bit excited to see rain in the forecast for tomorrow? And not just because it will ease my guilt about not watering the lawn for the past 4 days but because after all the outside days, I'm ready for an inside day. Just one. Just a small break in the outside fun.

It's not because I'm a summer kill-joy. I love, adore and enjoy the warm sunshine. It's not that at all. It's just that I have things to do *inside* the house. When the sun is shining and the kids are begging to get into the pool, I am absolutely compelled to drag out the extension cord, hook up the laptop and take residence at the patio table. Being the mom; I also go back and forth from inside to out gathering things for children, switching loads of laundry, getting snacks and meals, etc.

I sit on the patio and, as I listen to the kids playing in the water or break up a wayward argument (oh who am I kidding? There are lots of disagreements to break up in any given hour) I search the job boards, apply for positions, answer emails, keep up with you all on Facebook, and sometimes...well, rarely (usually on Fridays), I even catch a late afternoon show from Netflix (I'm watching Saving Grace, though to be honest, I can take it or leave it).

What I don't do is get the library books back to the library (and this year, thanks to the school library being open from 10-12 every Tuesday, I have two libraries and two stacks of books to keep track of), errands run, carpets vacuumed or ink cartridges purchased and installed. (And goodness knows I need ink cartridges. Darn kids and their love of printing everything under the sun!)

What I do get though is hours of listening and watching my children making memories that they will have their entire lives. I remember well my backyard swimming pool days with my siblings. I remember mom bringing out the lunches and eating on the steps that lead to the kitchen...or the old picnic table. I remember the warmth of those lazy days and those are the memories I hope my children will take with them.

So sunny days? I love you. I heart you SO much. Come back again soon but tomorrow? Tomorrow a rainy, cool day would be perfect. I have so much to do.

Oh Say Can You See?

Apparently, the answer to that would be no.

The children both had eye appointments this morning - at 8am. Ugh. That was early for kids who are out of the routine of getting up and out early but we succeeded and were there in plenty of time.

The kids now have vision coverage through Kaiser so I was a bit apprehensive at the change in providers as the kids and I both adore Dr. Shelby and I trust him completely with our eyes.

Imagine my surprise to learn that the eye doctor at Kaiser went to school with Dr. Shelby and that a group of four former classmates, who are in the area, get together once a month to talk about cases and study stuff together. My stress level reduced greatly. He is a really friendly guy and was great with the kids.

So that's the good news.

The not so good? Glasses all around.

Kelton needs a minor correction which will help with reading and computer work and he is thrilled! He has been wanting glasses since Kaylen got hers last year. I had already told him that if he didn't need glasses, I would order an inexpensive pair through an online site with lenses without correction.

Kaylen. Well....that's a bird of a different color. If you remember from last year, I learned Kaylen has significant vision issues. Those issues are alive and well. Her right eye is weaker than her left and both eyes need double the correction that she has currently. Right now, her correction is sitting at a +2.25 for both eyes, which I already knew isn't where she was going to end up (she is testing out at needing a +6 and +7.5 eventually but that is too strong for her right now). Today's testing is putting her into lenses that are a +4 and a +4.75 but get this: she also has to wear an eye patch for 2 hours a day to help her strengthen her weaker eye.

Her right eye is still turning but now it's a stronger turn. It's because the msucles in it aren't as strong and has to work harder and, therefore, when it gets tired, her brain tries to turn it off and the way it does that is to turn it inward so the brain doesn't have to pick up its messages. I'm sure it's more scientific than that but that is what my muddled brain picked up from the conversation. I have to say, it wasn't was I was expecting. Something else I wasn't expecting was the level of guilt that washed over me.

I should have taken her in sooner.....but it has only been 7 months since she was last seen. The doctor said not to beat myself up. As a mom...is that even possible?

I have a million guilty feelings about her birth. Maybe I should have decided to have a VBAC which would have given her a little more time and would have maybe forced her through the birth canal so she wouldn't have ingested fluid and maybe, just maybe, wouldn't have had breathing issues. How much did that one choice to have a planned repeat c-section influence her vision issues?

Her donor had perfect vision. I had perfect vision until I needed reading glasses in my 30's and then moved to full time glasses in my 40's. Yes....glitches happen. Things happen. Maybe there were other reasons why the c-section was the best route. I will never, ever know but the guilt I have sits right in the middle of my chest. Mommy guilt at it's best.

But...we are where we are. So here we are.

Kaylen needs to go in again in 3 months for a big dilation appointment. Her eyes are working so hard that the doctor couldn't get a clear look in because the muscles absolutely won't relax. Poor baby. The drug they will use for dilation will last approximately 24 hours and will make it so she cannot focus at all during the 24 hours. It also has a side effect of making a child drowsy. The doctor wants to wait until after the bright summer days are over because it will make it easier for her. I actually give him a lot of credit for that. He also said his findings of that appointment wouldn't change the prescription for today but it will give a good picture of where she is heading.

He also mentioned that we might want to consider contact lenses for her because her glasses are going to start getting very thick. :(

The good news? She got to pick out new frames today and she loves them. I'm not crazy about them - I much prefer the ones she has now though they have had better days. They are dented pretty good from her fall at the roller skating rink a few months back. The new ones are from the Disney Princess line (of course!) and are pink and purple (of course!).

Kelton chose from the Banana Republic line, which was a concession on his part. He wanted a pair of black and white boys glasses from the Sketcher line but because of his adult sized head (poor kid) he had to go for the adult lines...which are a bit too big. Too big is better than too small though so.... (In case you are wondering...I don't so much care for his choice either but if there is one thing I know, it isn't worth the fight. If they like them, that's good enough.)

In a week or so I will have two kiddos with glasses. Photos of the three of us ought to be interesting. Nothing like trying to minimize flash glare on three sets of glasses. Hee hee. :)

Here are a few quick photos I took of them trying on their new frames. And one of Kaylen with her eye patch.






(for the record - Kaylen was less than thrilled to be having her picture taken and her hair? Yeah....ummm...she wants to grow it out "princess long" so it's kinda a wreck. *sigh*)

Well Played, Mom!

As I sat on the patio listening to the kids playing in the pool (it works better if they can't see me. Less "MOM! He splashed me!" "No I didn't! Kaylen is being a baby!" to listen to but I can still hear every single word and every splash they make.) I was cruising around through the massive amount of websites connected to DamnYouAutoCorrect.com. I came across this one in the "Damn Funny Texts" section and I have to say - it made me laugh.

It's a trick I will have to remember as the children get older. Or...maybe I can try it with a $5.00 bill soon. Maybe it will motivate my son to clean his room.

Oh The Life!

Is this what they mean when they say "The Lazy Dog Days of Summer"? I'm thinking yes. :)

Beach Trip!

A beach trip has been scheduled and I am so very excited! A two night stay with time for playing in the sand and roaming around the town. It's been 2 years since the kids and I have spent more than a couple hours at the beach so this is very, very exciting for me.

Stephanie and I are taking all three kids and I am really looking forward to it. Sure, sure - it will be crazy and probably anxiety-ridden but still - a chance to watch the kids build and dig in the sand and run in and out of the waves (with life-jackets because I'm too nervous for the carefree life-jacket free days of the past). And flying kites? Most definitely.

It will be a lean to the bone vacation but a vacation just the same. Time away from the every day where I can watch the kids having fun and hear their laughter ringing clear. A couple days to breathe and center myself because we all know I find great strength and peace at the ocean. A time to recharge my soul.

I sincerely doubt there will be any Crab Boil Invitations which is fine since I don't so much enjoy seafood (and yes, that is putting it politely but seriously? How rockin' awesome would it be to be invited to a crab boil?!?! That would be a great experience and a memory the kids wouldn't soon forget. I bet crab boils are really popular in places like Maine!) but there will be swimming and laughing and a couple meals out and about (we have a place with a kitchen so most meals will be cooked by us and eaten where we are staying, which is great - I think it really helps everyone appreciate the money being plunked down for food at The Pig-n-Pancake *grin*). There will be browsing in the shops for me and a couple of arcade games for the kids. It will be low cost but I have re-discovered that the kids won't die of they don't ride the train or hit the candy store. Going to the beach is just that - going to the beach. Sand, sun and water. That's all we really need for a great time.

So now the countdown has begun. And I think I'm more excited than anyone. :)

Back to Reality

After a very nice long weekend, today it is back to reality. Reality bites. :)

Actually, the day is going along nicely with all chores attended to that must be attended to (some I am letting slide a bit because it's summer and that's how I roll. Sweeping the kitchen floor can wait a few days since with kids and animals going in and out and in and out, they just get dirty again in mere moments). The big stuff though? Done. As usual.

The kids were with Dakota and Vicki this past weekend and since it was a holiday weekend, I actually had three child-free nights in a row since...well...since Thanksgiving (three day weekends landed on my weekends this year except for the one when Dakota didn't have the Monday off so we treated it as a regular weekend). It was odd and really nice all at the same time to have an extra night without them.

I tried to get a pet sitter for the weekend so that I could spend the time at Stephanie's house but alas, my trusty sitter was already on a two week gig so that left us staying here at night to take care of the dogs (they need overnight care since Jordan gets up so often). During the day we bounced between here and Stephanie's house to take care of Cody, (her dog, who does not require going outside in the middle of the night but who doesn't enjoy being alone, just the same) and still managing to get out and about for fun. I have to say, the 20 minutes one way between houses is a huge time suck when you have to do it a couple times a day but what can we do? Dogs need care.

We used to leave the doggy door for Cody unlocked so he could come and go as he pleased, which cut down on the many trips a day, but in the past week he was picked up twice by people on a busy street a few fields over so we figured it was best to lock his doggy door unless we were going to be hanging out there for a while (he only wanders when he is left alone).

The night of the 3rd started to get very noisy and I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving a very nervous and unhappy Cody alone so I packed up his crate and brought him with us. Not as easy as it sounds though......the dogs all get along great but Cody, all 10lbs of him, feels the need to eat kitties. Well - not eat but I think he would like to. :) He chases the cats and it causes chaos and stress but in the case of the 4th of July, I had to do something. It just wasn't fair and Stephanie and I wanted to be together.

I have tossed around the idea of taking Maddie and Jordan out to Stephanie's but there are many rabbits to chase, no fences and well.....Hop-a-long Jordan isn't steady on his feet and getting him in and out of cars sounds like a bad plan...not to mention Maddie's love of running wild. So with the dogs, my freedom to just be out in Hockinson is severely limited. Which bites because Hockinson? It's beautiful and spacious and amazing...did I mention quiet (on all but one week in July, anyway)? :) I love being out there but responsibilities are just that. So we do the best we can going between the houses.

Rabbit! One of many, many, many rabbits.

Wild daisies. I love life in the country!

Anyway......the kids arrived home yesterday afternoon so I was able to experience the 4th of July afternoon and night with them. We bought a few small things and watched the neighborhood light up in huge displays! The kids had fun but by 10:15 their very fun weekend with Dakota and Vicki and their late night with me had caught up to them. Both asked to go to bed. :)

This morning, Kelton was up around 7:30 but Kaylen slept until 9:30. Poor thing was exhausted! They are having a low key mellow day which is a perfect way for me to transition back after a really good weekend.

Kaylen and Cody have a special connection. Maybe because they are both little.

My 4th of July Prides and Joys!

Crazy but Great Weekend

This weekend was, without a doubt, one of the craziest, busiest ones I've had. The kids both had Saturday birthday parties so we left the house at noon to get Kaylen out to the local gymnastics place for a 12:30-2pm party. I left her there and Kelton and I drove out to Stephanie's so that he could hang out with Andrew and I could hang out with Stephanie. It wasn't long before I was on the road again, sans Kelton (who wanted to stay and play some more), to pick up Kaylen. She excitedly told me all about her party while I drove us back out to Hockinson. We hung out there for a couple hours until it was time to take Kelton to his party. Kaylen decided to stay and play so I drove Kelton to his party and then back to Hockinson. In the car, along with my son for the second time that day (and the first time in ages!) he chatted my ear off about everything. It made me sad to realize how long it's been since I've had time alone with either of the kids. We move as a pack of three - with almost no "one on one" time. Clearly they both need more of that with me.

Kelton's party was a sleepover, but prior to RSVPing he had decided he only wanted to stay until 8pm. Good enough. Then he called at 7 and asked if he could stay until 8:30. Fine with me. Then, at 8, while I was on my way with Kaylen go to pick him up, my phone rang. "Mom?" he said, "I think I want to spend the night after all." We talked a bit and then the mom and I talked and it was all decided, he would stay (I didn't want to impose on the mom since Kelton had already made a decision to come home and not spend the night). Big event for my boy! He has never spent the night with a friend before. At my sister's with his cousin, yes. At another cousin's, yes. But never at a friends without family.

He was so sweet. He called me three times between 8 and 10 to say goodnight. I could tell he was nervous but we chatted about how cool it was and really great that it was just him and two friends (the birthday boy and another friend of his). In between phone calls, I got Kaylen to bed and finished up chores before crawling under my covers. It had been a long day with lots of miles driven but I had happy kids and I was feeling quite content with life myself. I drifted off easily and was only up once with the dogs. I was up for the day at 7am and I felt great! I can't tell you the last time I had blocks of sleep like that. Sleep is gooooooooood!

Kaylen woke before I had finished my first cup of coffee so she came into snuggle. We chatted for a while and then jumped into the shower. We needed to collect Kelton (who Kaylen was missing a lot!) at 9am.

At 8:30 my phone rang. It was Kelton calling to remind me I needed to pick him up at 9. I told him we were both ready and just waiting for pick up time. He said "Oh! Then can you come now?" Sure thing!

We buzzed over and picked him up and then, as he told us all about his time away, I drove to the grocery store to pick up some needed things. We were back home before 9:30. As the kids settled in for some TV time together, I did chores that needed to be tended to. Around 11, we headed to Hockinson to spend a very sunny day in the woods. The three kids teamed up and went on a hike around the property. We could see them off and on as they hiked through the trees and brush. Their laughter could be heard in the distance. One of those moments you just want to capture forever.

We spent a few hours over there and then packed up everyone and headed here for some pool time. The kids couldn't wait to jump in and ended up playing in the pool for about two hours. I don't know how they stood it - they were chilled clear through but no one wanted to get out. Finally, I got them paraded through warm showers and into dry clothes and then set to making everyone dinner. The little fishies were all very hungry!

Later on, it was popcorn and a movie before bed. The kids had a sleep over in the living room, a boy on each couch and Kaylen on the air mattress on the floor. After their busy days, they were all out like lights in no time - which is good, because so were the moms!

Today the kids are hanging out together while I do all the regular stuff in my day: chores, job hunt, more chores, feeding everyone, etc. Truth be told, it's almost easier to have another child here because the kids don't stay focused on making each other miserable and I haven't heard "I'm BORED!" or "MOM!!! Kelton/Kaylen did XYZ to me!" once yet today. Stephanie headed to work early and will be back later today to pick up Andrew.

I have to say, this weekend was a great "summer" weekend. Nice weather but more importantly: happy, laughing children. Their laughter makes all the craziness of life worth it.

Ummm....WHAT?!?!

So...today I was at the library for the Thursday summer event and I decided while the kids were occupied looking for books, I would visit the facilities. There was one of those cute little infant seats attached to the wall...you know, the kind you can strap your kiddo into so they don't crawl all over the bathroom floor? The kind I wish they had when my two were small? Yeah - that kind.

Anyway.....I eyeballed the instruction on it and then I paused....I re-read. WHAT?!?!



What kind of crazy big infants are out there anyway??? Kaylen, at age 6, doesn't even weigh 50lbs yet. The child is not small for her age - she is average sized according to the percentile charts so really?!?!?! A 50lb infant?

Oy!

Saving Grace

I started watching the TV series Saving Grace tonight and I'm already on episode 4. (It's good - by the way - but a very poor substitute for In Plain Sight. It's going to take me a while to get over that one.) I should really be sleeping. I haven't slept much since Friday night. My mind won't shut off and I find that even when I do finally drift off, I'm still running through the endless play list in my head of things so it never really feels like I get any rest.

The house is quiet right now....which is good since it's almost 11pm. I can hear Kelton breathing from his room. It's funny...I've always been able to hear Kelton breathing but Kaylen? She breathes so quietly I have to bend down to check on her. Ying and yang, that's them. Aside from the rhythmic breathing I can hear a cat on the other side of my laptop screen cleaning himself before he settles into sleep. I can also hear the soft white noise from the machine I have on at night to block out the noise so the kids aren't woken as often as I am. In the distance, I can hear cars, about a block away, as they travel one of the busier roads between arterials. And just now? The clock chiming to let me know it's 11 o'clock.

Eleven more minutes and I can make a wish. Eleven eleven. A magical moment twice a day. A time made for wishes. I make a wish that is always the same these days. I feel a little like Kaylen when she was 2, 3 and 4. Her wish was always, always, always to ride a unicorn on a rainbow. With all her little heart she believed that wish would come true if she just wished hard enough. Last summer, when she was five, she went to make a wish on a wish flower (and dandelion gone to seed) when she suddenly looked up and said "My wish is never going to come true, is it Mom?"

It broke my heart to tell her that it wouldn't. At least not outside of her dreams. Innocence shattered.

Do wishes ever really come true? Is there magic fairy dust out there somewhere? I want to believe in magic and little girls getting to ride unicorns on rainbows. I want to believe that life really does work out for the good. That unending happiness awaits for us all.

My faith is lacking these days. And like the TV show I have started watching, I could use a little saving grace. And probably a whole lot of sleep. Things are always better when sleep is being had.

In Plain Sight

A couple months back, Stephanie hooked me on one of her favorite shows and I have to say...I love it SO much! Seasons 1-3 are available on streaming Netflix so I have spent time in the evenings watching each and every episode. I watched the last episode of season 3 last night and then I was hit with "Aww man. I don't want it to be over." Sure, I have season 4 to watch every Sunday night but it's so not the same and cozying up to my laptop at night watching a couple episodes and losing myself in the world of WitSec (Witness Protection) and US Marshalls.

So now I need another series I can watch. Stephanie recommends Saving Grace so I will check that out and see if it grabs me but honestly? I can say that no one will ever replace Mary Shannon and Marshall Mann.....but mostly Mary Shannon. :)

Any guesses what is going on my Christmas Wish List? :)

One of Those Weeks

I was hoping it was just "one of those days" but as one day turned to two and then into three I can see where I need to be realistic and just call it "one of those weeks".

Sure....absolutely...there has been good moments peppered in there but I am not sleeping or eating and that always is a huge red flag that all is not well in Denmark.

I can't really tell you what it is that has me in its clutches - I guess you can just sum it up to a whole lot of things that in and of themselves have a doable stress level (!) but when added together it's like an atomic stress bomb.

I am so ready to be at a place in my life when my worries and anxiety doesn't consume me. I want manageable situations. I want peace.

Monday night I found a flea on Jordan and I swear to you, I just about lost it. One more stress (which again - is totally doable on its own) to have to deal with. Animals have been flea treated and I spent today washing bedding and blankets because the dogs sleep in the kids room these days and I don't want fleas crawling on my children while they sleep. Over-reactive? Maybe. I know that in years gone by, a single flea treatment does the trick and life goes on but this time? This time it was just enough to toss me a big further over the edge upon which I am standing.

I just need to breathe. All these things will pass and everything always turns out as it is meant to turn out but letting go of all this (in the grand scheme of things) small stuff is a challenge right now.

I try to remind myself that I hit walls and I am just mid-smack right now. In a week or two, these days will be a memory and I will have made it through just fine. Logically I know all that. But right now? Right now everything seems big and daunting and terrifying.

A line in a song keeps going around and around in my head......

"I know it's hard and you're scared and you're tired and it hurts"
(Fall into Me by Sugarland)

Yep - that's me today. And yesterday. And the day before. But really? I'm ok for it not to be me tomorrow.

It's Feeling Like Summer

What does that mean around here? Time to set up the big pool! Right now I am sitting on the patio listening to the kids happily splashing and playing in the water. Kaylen was so excited to see it that she could barely contain herself. The kids and I carefully laid it out and hooked it up to its filtering system and then started filling it....it took about 2 hours to fill but that sure didn't stop Kaylen from playing in it. Kelton waited until it was full and then PLOOSH! In he jumped and there they have stayed.

Hours of summertime fun and hours of fun listening to my kids while they are busy making memories.

Kaylen waiting, waiting, waiting......


She just couldn't wait any longer. Out came the swimming suit and lifejacket (no - it's not a rule. She just likes it) and the blow up chair......


And here they both are - having a great time!

Frozen in Time

I am feeling kind of lost tonight. After a super great weekend, I think I am having a bit of trouble with re-entry to real life. On top of that, a friend posted a picture on Facebook of her and I when we were about 11 years old and, while I don't remember the moment in time that the camera had frozen, just seeing the little kid me brought a rush of "homesick feelings".

I found I had this strong urge to pick up the phone and dial my childhood phone number. Maybe it would be like a time warp and my mom would pick up....or maybe even the child version of me. Maybe I would hear the voices and noises in the background that had been the sound track to my life back then. Dishes clanking in the kitchen, the table being set, the dishwasher loaded, the sibling arguments, my parents voices....all of it that, until I saw that photo tonight, were miles and miles from my thoughts.

I know you can't go back home. I really do know that. After all, the phone number that reached my childhood home from 1964 until 2004 most likely belongs to someone else (and yet, it is still the number I dial whenever I try out new keypads. Those digits are forever ingrained in me - part of who I am.) and my childhood home was sold back in 2004. Yep - I know you can't go back home but tonight? Tonight I really wish I could. Tonight I am missing days gone by and all the safety and security of being a child...and all because of a photo that froze a millisecond in time.

A picture is worth a thousand words and a million feelings.

Last Day of School

Ummm...excuse me but didn't I *just* write the post titled First Day of School? Seriously. This has to have been the fastest year on record. No... I didn't say "best", I said fastest. I'm sure we can all remember back to those early days of hell...I mean school...for Kaylen and what that came to mean for her and I and how that snowballed into a not great mid-year for Kelton and how, overall, it was just an extremely emotionally draining year BUT...looking back, it does feel like it has gone by quickly. Once February hit and Kaylen tackled school on her own, it was a one hop stop to June.

Kaylen's teacher and a few others were chatting with me a couple days ago and the general consensus is that Kaylen arrived in September very much a 4 year old emotionally but is exiting as a very solid, self-assured 6 year old. I couldn't agree more. She definitely had a huge growth year both in height and in maturity level. It's stunning...and amazing...and wonderful.

Both kiddos brought home their report cards today and I am very proud to say they are doing fabulously. Above grade level (though Kelton's teachers made note about how he is so much more than his grades even reflect but he doesn't feel the need to do more than the basic amount expected. When I read it to Kelton he shrugged his shoulders and said "Yeah. I know. I don't want to. But you already knew that, Mom. I'm the same way at home."

Tag. He nailed that one right. :) At least he knows himself, right. :)

As in tradition, the kids humored me and posed for their "last day of school pictures". I love this tradition because it allows me to see how much they have changed over the past nine months. Just take a look for yourself. :)

Cameras and Photographs

I have noticed that I rarely use my cameras anymore. Instead, I use my cellphone camera because it's easy one step loading to Facebook (which explains the amount of photos I post there) and I can email pictures to myself for easy loading up on this blog. My other cameras take better quality photos for printing but seriously? I can't remember the last time I printed pictures. (I suck like that. Sorry kids. Ti view photos of yourselves, you will need to look on the various external hard drives. *sigh*)

Lately though, I have been yearning to have a real camera in my hands again and take really amazing pictures. I love the zoom feature on handheld cameras because they zoom so much better than my phone. I have a couple small cameras (one is good but has issues from Kelton dropping it a few too many times and the other has a painfully slow recovery time) and then I have my Canon S315. I am in love with this camera. Or...at least I was.

It takes great photos (though not as good as a fancier camera but I'm ok with that) but a couple years ago I stopped using it because every time I zoomed (which is a lot. I am a big zoomer because it allows me to get close ups from a distance) the lens would extend out and then shut the camera off. Frustrating is an understatement.

I have wanted to get it fixed since it started doing it but....as is often the case, days turned into months which turned into years and there it sit...on my counter gathering dust.

It is decidedly much more daunting to try to figure out where to take it and how to afford the repair than it would be to say....oh I don't know...buy canon camera batteries. That would be a cakewalk for me. Not knowing how much the repair would cost holds me back. $50 or under I could swing but more than that? Not at this point.

To top that off, I don't even know where a good place to take it locally would be. The place I found looks umm.....fightening...when I drove by. I'm not sure I want to even walk in there. At least, not alone.

So here I sit. With a great camera I want to use, but can't. I really do need to do something about it. It's too sad not to.

No Words Needed

Toothless Wonder

As of this morning, she is my Little Toothless Wonder!

Wow.

Lost Tooth!

Kaylen has had a very wiggly front tooth for weeks. I was beginning to think she would never wiggle it free but lo and behold, last night, after I said goodnight to her, she was wiggling it and popped the root on it. She arrived at my side with a very bloody mouth but the tooth was still in place - hanging by a thread.

She wiggled and wiggled it and tried to pull it but no luck. Then it hit her - her teacher has been asking Kaylen if she could pull her loose tooth for a couple of days! The deal was set. We would go to school tomorrow and have Mrs. G pull it (she is a friend of mine so I knew it would be ok with her. Which is good. Because I don't pull teeth. It eeks me out waaaaaaaay too much! Heck, I can't even watch them wiggle their teeth. Yeah yeah - I'm a wimp and I'm ok with that.)

But wait a second! The tooth that was about to fall out was *not* the tooth that had been loose for a couple weeks. It was the one next to it! How did *that* happen? Kaylen and I giggled at the turn of events and I mentioned that maybe Mrs. G could pull both of her front teeth. She wasn't sure about that one.

This morning came and off to school we went. Mrs. G was all too happy to help out. Within moments, the tooth was free! Kaylen declined having her get the other one out but promised to work on it. She is adorable but seriously? Does she not look just a little like a jack o' lantern? :)

Front tooth number one is out. A full 6 months ahead of when Kelton lost his front tooth. Which I guess shouldn't surprise me. All her life she ran 6-8 months ahead of Kelton in development (crawling, walking, etc.) and I do believe she had teeth come in earlier than Kelton did...which stands to reason why they would come out earlier than his did.

She is growing up fast! Next week at this time she will officially be a first grader!

How she looked just a couple days ago:

The proud girl holding her tooth!
She held onto that tooth all day and showed it to everyone!

Babies Babies Everywhere

I am going to be an aunt again which is great news but for my kids, this is the first baby born in the family when they are old enough to know what is happening and they are *very* excited. Almost daily Kaylen will ask if the baby has come out yet and almost daily I explain that no, the baby won't come out to play until the end of July or beginning of August.

The baby shower for my sister-in-law is this weekend so the kids and I spent this afternoon carefully selecting gifts. I actually bought some things a couple weeks ago - practical stuff - so today was all about the fun stuff! The kids, after much back and forth between themselves, decided they wanted to pick out toys so that when their cousin was old enough, she would have something to play with. Genius thinking, if you ask me. I didn't receive toys beyond infant rattles as gifts so this was pretty exciting for me to help them with. Leave it to kids to bring about the important part....looking forward. It's true, 6 months goes by faster than you think.

All this baby shopping has me jones-ing for a baby. Well ...not *a* baby. Having my two as babies again though to be honest, I do have days when I think another baby wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. (No worries - I have a firm grip on reality. No more babies for me.) Walking the aisles, breathing in that "baby smell" that new baby gear gives off. The diaper row which smells like powder. The bath smells. The shiny car seats and strollers and highchairs. The unstained clothes. It brings me back......I get all dreamy and then...BAM!

Oh yes...it brings me back to a time when I thought I knew exactly how having a baby would go. I had it all planned. That advice that people offered? HA! Well of *course* I knew a baby would change my life....that was the point. And ummm...no...I wasn't going to sleep when the baby slept because there were household chores to get done. I would sleep at night because babies only wake up once and before more than a few weeks, they would be sleeping through the night. And co-sleeping? No freaking way! Wasn't happening. We had a crib and the baby had a room.

I remember clearly when I was about 6 months pregnant and I was sitting at my desk at work. I checked my personal email to find an email from a new-ish parent from one of my message boards. She was responding to a post I had placed about the crib being together and the nursery being almost ready and how perfect everything was and would be. Her email was full of advice which, at the time, I took as a personal affront. I wrote back and thanked her for her advice but in my little family we would be running things differently. After all, the baby was joining OUR lives, we weren't joining his.

Yes....all you parents may commence laughing now.

It didn't take too many months before I profoundly regretted the email I sent back. I was broken, as new mothers often are, because life with a newborn does not go as planned....or dreamed. Sleep? HA! What about the carefully designed weekly chore list I created for myself because I would be home with the baby and have tons of time on my hands? I'm not sure it ever surfaced after the first couple of weeks of being kicked around the house. Not only did chores not get done but I had gained so many more things that needed to be done that I was truly overwhelmed. Dakota would come home from work and I would pass off Kelton as I begged to do dishes, fold laundry or vacuum. ANYTHING that would help restore order to my wildly out of control existence.

The baby didn't sleep during the day. Ever. Well - let me rephrase that. Ever when not inside the circle of someones arms. Instead, he stayed attached to me either nursing, snuggled in the Baby Bjorn or just cuddled in my arms. I answered emails and read message boards around this lump of a child who became part of my outside being (which is no where near as easy as when he was inside my being). I walked the hall, I bounced, I sang and, at my wits end, I would cried with him. My dreams of the perfect existence with an infant? Shattered on the floor into pieces that I had to step over on my way to pump milk because I swear to you that if I had to nurse him one more time that hour I was going to lose my ever loving mind.

It wasn't all bad....not by a long, long shot. I had this amazing little baby in my arms - a long awaited dream come true. Proof that there are miracles. I could sit and stare into his beautiful eyes for hours and often did because he never slept. It was just so not what I expected. Not even close. I found my groove, in time. But it wasn't the dream I had in my head. The fantasy of life with a baby...with a child.....is nothing like reality. Reality is far better....and far worse....then anyone could ever tell you. It's something that if you have experienced, you know and if you have never, you just can't possibly understand. I thought I knew before I had children. I read everything, I was prepared...except nothing can prepare you. Not a single thing.

And then, with Kaylen, I went into the whole parenting thing (round two) more self-assured. I had nursing down (Kelton nursed for two years. I was very good at that part of mothering and in the beginning that is what you need to have down with a nursing infant.) and I knew having a baby would be tough and tougher still with a toddler to care for. I knew that the baby would end up in my bed after waking once or twice...you know, when I was too tired to think I could stand up and return her to her bed. So to cut to the chase, we set up her crib next to the bed. She didn't have a nursery because I knew she would spent no time in it. I was ready.

Or.....so I thought.

Baby #2 is not Baby #1. The crib? Yeah. Ummm...not. Kaylen had an incredibly high startle reflex so she spent her time wrapped tight in someones arms, sleeping on our chests as we tried to sleep on the couch or as we took turns bouncing her in our arms as we bounced on an exercise ball. Where Kelton was laid back, Kaylen was incredibly high needs. Kelton hated to be swaddled but Kaylen required it because of her reflex and, what I know now, was her sensory issues (she required swaddling for 15 long months which had me sewing receiving blankets together to create a bigger blanket to swaddle her). Kelton had been a content baby, Kaylen screamed 24/7 for MONTHS. Nursing? Yeah. That one was a hard slap of reality. While I knew what to do for my part, Kaylen couldn't get the hang of it and at 8 days old, she and I landed in a lactation specialists office for help and the pain and damage a terrible nurser creates? Well - it takes MONTHS to heal. But I was committed and we made it through. She was a long term nurser as well. But I will never tell anyone that nursing is easy...or natural. For some lucky few? Sure. But trust me when I say it isn't for the non-committed.

Remember that crib? She never slept in it. Maybe a few hours here and there but nope. It went unused.

I often think back over the real, honest advice given to me by both new and seasoned parents and I am humbled to realize how arrogant I was. I know that giving advice to other parents-to-be is received the same way I received it - not well. I made a promise though, I would tell my story with truth - the whole ugly and beautiful truth because the parents that sugar coated it, or the non-parents who fed my completely unrealistic dreams? Those are the ones I wish I could trip and watch fall flat on their face. Turn around is fair play and all. :)

I sincerely hope all new parents have an easy go. An angel baby. And some do...but most don't. Some people are completely unfazed by the upheaval a child brings into your life and some of us reel for years. Every baby is different and if there is one thing I would like to bring to the table it's this: it isn't the parents who determine the course, it's the baby. A teeny, tiny little person grabs hold of your heart at the same time they grab control of your life. And you are never, ever the same.

It's good. It's not. It's amazing. It's not. It's everything. And nothing. But above all else, nothing is ever, ever, ever the same.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

So here's to babies everywhere!

Level III

And I don't mean a promotion.

This afternoon when I went out to collect the day's mail I discovered, amid the mass quantities of junk mail (which beats bills hands down any day of the week), a 5x7 mailing alerting the neighborhood to a two time level III sex offender who moved into our safe haven.

So. Not. Perfect.

We have only had a handful of nice days so far this season but this is the first year since I have lived here (9 years) that the street in front of the house is teeming with children. The kids, of which Kelton is the second oldest on the block, are just now being allowed out of the safety of their backyards so that bikes, scooters and skates may be ridden and played with. On a warm day, my front yard has no less than four children, and probably more like five or six, playing catch, pretending to be at the beach with a big beach umbrella, sunglasses and a book or helping to water plants. My driveway is the speedway leading to the street where another child (or usually me) is standing to yell "clear!" so they have ride down the slope and safely into the street. It's actually a very cool feeling to have my kids interacting with the neighbor kids someplace besides just the line for the school bus. And while I don't enjoy being the neighborhood babysitter, I deal with it because with my kids out there I'm going to be there as well anyway.



But now.....oh but now. A bit of evil has snuck in on us and is living across the way.

I read the flyer and quickly did an inventory of the block. I know who lives in all but three of the houses and a fourth house has always been a bit sketchy for me so the kids have had some iron clad rules all their lives regarding that house.

An hour later, my phone rang. My neighbor from across the street called and asked if I had gotten the flyer. We talked a bit and tried to figure out where this person would be living. As it turns out, she knows the person living in one of the house but she agreed on my narrowing down to the three other houses. I held the conversation with her from my front yard as I surveyed the block. The sketchy neighbor along with a few other people were out in their driveway and the longer I stood there, the more uncomfortable the homeowner, who I know by name, looked. I didn't really think much about it.

My neighbor and I said our goodbyes and I proceeded to make dinner for the kids. Like a bolt of lightning it hit me! A conversation I had overheard on Friday afternoon named this particular person's name. It's a name that doesn't belong to anyone else on the block that I knew of and I remember thinking "Who is that? Hmmm...must be someone staying with them."

DING DING DING!!!!!

Crap. The sketchy house. The guy from the flyer is living there. I called my neighbor back and filled her in on my thoughts.

Ok. So "know thine enemy" I can check off the list but dang it. This sucks. True, I don't let the kids out there by themselves (except for brief moments of going in and out of the house for this, that or the other) but geez...I was so looking forward to long summer evenings with the kids and their friends just hanging out playing while I read or chatted with another neighbor. I feel like the peacefulness of my summer evening fantasy has been shattered and it isn't fair.

Yes, they have to live somewhere. I just really wish it wasn't a stones throw away from my children.

I'm grateful for the alert. I really am. I know that there are registered sex offenders in virtually every neighborhood across this country and I get that no one is immune to what I am feeling right now. It really is just another reminder that as a parent, you can never let your guard down when it comes to the safety and well-being of your children.

All that said, I'm hoping he moves soon. Really soon. People do come and go from this particular house frequently so it isn't out of the question...I just hope it is sooner rather than later.