Dancing on the Edge

February 9th

2012-02-09T08:13:00.000-08:00

Seven years ago today I was shopping at Babies R Us, using gift cards I had received as shower gifts to buy all the last minute items for my baby girl who was due to arrive the next day. I was HUGE! Bigger than I was with I was pregnant with Kelton and so much more uncomfortable. The last month of her pregnancy was a challenge at times.

I couldn't wait to meet my daughter and hold her in my arms.

Last year, on this very date, I almost lost my daughter to a severe allergic reaction to an antibiotic she had started earlier in the day. There were moments in the ER when I wondered if I would have my baby taken from my arms. She was so small and helpless.

I think I've been holding my breath this week a little bit when it came to Kaylen. I have never had an uneventful birthday with this child. Her first birthday she was very, very sick with influenza and, only the month before, had stopped breathing for the first (of many) times.

Her second, third, fourth and fifth birthday were all marked by her being sick - usually including vomiting but always a fever.

So far, so good for this year. Except for a cough she developed this past week. (And now I wonder if I just jinxed it.)

Tomorrow my baby girl turns seven. SEVEN. I find it amazing - considering how many times this child has tried to leave this world (including the day she was born and refused to breath), I am so very, very grateful for tomorrow. Seven trips around the sun. I am such a lucky mommy to have her.

The Blessing of Friends

2012-02-08T17:59:00.000-08:00

Another amazing friend came through for me in a BIG way today. When the guys were here to deliver and set up the new washer and dryer, I learned that my outlet was a 50amp and dryers are now required to be on 30amps. The plugs are a different shape and if I were just to change the plus itself, it would void the warranty. (Not that I know how to change the plug, mind you.)

After my sheer panic (and tears) subsided (thanks, Stephanie, for grounding me.), I asked a friend if she still had her handyman and if it was something he could do. She text'd back and said her guy had retired. I knew there was no way I could afford to have an electrician come out. The delivery guys assured me it was an easy fix but electricity and me? I'm not a big fan of messing around with it.

I sent a text to a friend of mine who I knew was very handy and asked if it was something she had the know-how to do. Of course it was, came the answer. I sent her a picture of what type of outlet I needed. No problem! After her work day ended, she stopped at Home Depot and picked up the outlet - as well as de-mosser for my roof because we had been talking earlier this week about how much I needed to do something about the moss on my roof.

She arrived. She saw. She did. She changed the plug-y thing, she completed the hook up of the dryer (which included another trip to the hardware store. Bless her buttons!). After that, she helped me get the Christmas decoration boxes into the attic, removed the snowflake from the house that I couldn't remove, and then climbed on the roof and spread the de-mosser stuff. She rocked!

I am in awe over the blessings I have had come my way this week. I have been so completely overwhelmed with my life these past few weeks and I was starting to see the water rising ever closer to my head, threatening to pull me under but this week? This week I have been showered with so much love that I *almost* don't know what to do with it all.

Monday the blessing of friends wanting to help my with a new washer and dryer.

Tuesday I had a medical test that was absolutely no fun and Stephanie was there every step of the way to hold my hand and get me through it. She took care of me for the entire day - which is exactly what I needed. And she will be there for more "no fun" parts in the coming weeks.

Today the blessing of another friend jumping to help - and then she went above and beyond what we talked about her doing.

Makes me wonder what tomorrow will bring.

I am very lucky. Very lucky indeed.

The Post Even I Can't Believe

2012-02-08T14:39:00.000-08:00

I am the proud owner of a new washer and dryer set. This time last week, it was the furthest thing from my mind and certainly not a reality I could even entertain. The dryer was squealing because it needed new glides (and a new drum, I was told last time they repaired it, but I was going to just have new glides put on because a new drum was almost as much as a new dryer) but I was dealing with the noise because I didn't want to incur the cost right now.

Then Saturday, the washer made a terrible, horrible noise and just like that, it was down for the count. No draining or spinning would it do and it had a whole lot of water sitting in it - to mention soaking wet clothes.

It was late in the day but I called the repair place in the hopes of scoring a Monday appointment. I was overwhelmed with the thought of what it would cost. They told me they could come Tuesday and rattled off mind-numbing numbers. I made the appointment and hung up, feeling very defeated.

Monday afternoon I was on Facebook killing a bit of time before heading over to pick the kids up from their after school activities and a friend of mine pulled me into a chat. This is a longtime friend. She and her partner live across the country and have come out about 4 times to visit over the years. Each visit has left me with some really great memories. They keep up on the kids and me through this blog and when too much time has gone by between postings, they will always send out an email to see if I'm ok. Their emotional support has been invaluable to me over the 14 plus years I've known them (or has it been longer?).

Anyway.....the conversation went a little like this:

Fairy God Mother #1: Hey Casey...how are you feeling?
..
Casey: The bronchitis is better, thanks for asking. How are you?
..
Fairy God Mother #1: We are good. I miss your updates on Naptime Chronicle. How is the dryer doing?
..
Casey: The washer has joined it. Repair guy should be here tomorrow sometime. I'm sure that bill won't be pretty. :( But having working machines will be nice.
..
Fairy God Mother #1: time to get a new pair...
..
Casey: It is. But sadly, that won't be happening. Too much money. (and right here is where I took out some health related stuff that I don't feel like sharing right now) (also took out other general conversation pieces from here)

Fairy God Mother #1: Fairy God Mother #2 says hello and we have talked about sending you some money for the washer and dryer...what do you think
..
Casey: Ummm.....I don't know what to say.
..
Fairy God Mother #1: Well if we send you some will you take it?
..
Casey: This is really, really hard for me......but yes. I would gratefully accept it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (and you just made me get all teary)
..
Fairy God Mother #1: OK, go see what you want and let us know how much you need
..
Casey: wait. for a new set? (side note for the blog: I had been thinking a little money to help with the repair cost. A new set was unfathomable to me.)
..
Fairy God Mother #1: Yep We know it is hard to accept and Fairy God Mother #2 didn't think you would accept, but it is something we would like to do
..
Casey: Seriously? I'm in shock. Serious shock.
..
Fairy God Mother #1: Well don't be...just go shopping.... and have some fun. Call and cancel the repair man

(this is where I take out a chunk of conversation but this is where it ends up.)

Casey: This is amazing. THANK YOU.
..
Fairy God Mother #1: YOU ARE VERY WELCOME! now that is said and we don't need to say it again
..

The set was delivered this afternoon. It's much bigger than my old one both in overall size and what it can hold. The dryer is supposed to be much more efficient than the old one (the old set was about 15 years old) and it's just so dang fancy. Lights and chimes and......well...I feel like I need to go back to college to get a degree to figure out how to work it. That, and I need a step stool because my short legs make it difficult to reach the dryer controls. As long as I am wearing my Dansko's, I can reach it well enough. :) Oh but how I love it! I've walked by it a zillion times just to admire it. I am actually looking forward to doing laundry. :)

So to my Fairy God Mothers....THANK YOU!!!! Your love, kindness and generosity go beyond the bounds of what I could ever dream of. You will never, ever know what this means to me. Waaaaay more than clean laundry. Waaaaaay more than simple kindess. Waaaaay more than I could ever say. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! I am overwhelmed with your love and generosity.

The old:

The new:

2012-02-01T15:08:00.001-08:00

Fine and Dandy

2012-02-01T14:52:00.000-08:00

Can I get an Amen on this one??

When people ask how I am, my automatic, and conditioned response, is "Fine. You?"

Take this week, for instance. I'm not fine. I've been as sick as a dog since Friday. So sick that I forced myself into my car Monday morning and headed to the doctor. The medical assistant called my name and asked "How are you today?" "Fine." I say.

FINE???? I backed up a second and said "Actually, pretty cruddy." To which she responded "Yeah - or you wouldn't be here, right? I don't know why everyone always says 'fine'."

The doctor came into the room, after hearing my barking, hacking cough from the room next door. She asks "How are you?" I just stared at her...too exhausted to even come up with "Cruddy."

That's one over the top example of how automatic the response of "I'm fine." is a big, fat lie more times than not. (I have bronchitis, by the way. Feeling human again after an in-office nebulizer treatment, three days (so far) of antibiotics, cough medication and an inhaler.)

But think about it. How many times do you pop off with "I'm fine. You?" when asked how you are. Why do we do that? I heard once that people don't really care how we are. It's a polite inquiry that the person really doesn't even care about. I think that sucks.

A long time ago, someone told me what "FINE" actually stands for.

Fucked Up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

So come to think of it.....maybe most of us ARE fine. :)

The one where my kids morph into teenagers....

2012-01-31T16:23:00.000-08:00

The kids come flying up the walk after school. Both, chattering over each other. I finally get them to take turns talking. Kelton announces he has been carrying a girl's backpack after school for the past two days. Kaylen announces she has a new boyfriend (Sorry Sam. Looks like it is finally over between you and Kaylen. She fought the good fight but Kyle has won her heart. He is, after all, afraid of the dark and knows how to sew, like her. Bonds like that are hard to fight.) Anyone else fear for my future as the mom of teenagers? :)

2012-01-26T16:28:00.001-08:00

Loss Come in Three's

2012-01-25T13:18:00.001-08:00

It's been a month of loss for many of us with dogs in our lives. The month started out with losing Jordan. About week later, a friend of mine had to say goodbye to her dog. Then, this past weekend, my good friend Stella, said goodbye to her pupster. All had loved long, happy lives but just the same, saying goodbye is never easy. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, like the absolute pure love of an animal.

"They" say things comes in three's. I hope this is it for a while.

My friend, Stella, lives in North Carolina. In October of 2001, when I was pregnant with Kelton, Dakota and I made a trip to visit her. It was an amazing week - one I recall often and fondly. I was introduced to sweet tea, grits, southern life, friends from across the United States and, of course, Stella's dog. Ironically, Stella's dog was named Dakota though he was well known by his nickname (well earned in his puppy years) of DakotaDevilDog.

Stella and I have been emailing back and forth for days now and in my email yesterday, I received a photo of me with DakotaDevilDog that she had come across. It brought tears to my eyes. I know how very deeply my friend is grieving for her furry child and I would give oh so very much to have one of those Travel Agent Jobs so that I could fly for free and hang out with her for a few days.

I'm thinking of you, Stella, and wishing you love and peace. He was an amazing furry soul.

Behold

2012-01-23T19:42:00.001-08:00

The beauty of nature in my own backyard.

Oh how I am loving my new fancy dancy camera. :)

Kaylen is Almost Seven

2012-01-23T18:32:00.001-08:00

Kaylen received an early birthday gift for me this weekend - pierced ears! She has been wanting them for well over a year now and over the summer I told her we would revisit the discussion around her 7th birthday.

She is three weeks from turning seven and a couple weeks ago the decision was made that she would indeed get her wish.

She was so excited! She climbed in the chair, brave as could be. Picked out her earrings (pink peace signs, thankyouverymuch), and waited. I wasn't sure what to expect but she surprised me 100%. She didn't flinch. Afterwards she said it didn't hurt a bit (I had been prepping her that it wouldn't probably hurt a little) and wasn't hurting after (boy oh boy - mine sure did when I had them done at age 17).

She ran to the mirrors and admired herself and then we picked out other earrings so she will have them when the day comes when she can finally change them. Stephanie bought her an adorable purple letter K earring wall holder to put them in to keep them safe.

For hours after, she would look at me and say "I can't believe I FINALLY have pierced ears!"

Me either, baby girl. Me, either.

Happy Early 7th Birthday!!!

BEFORE:

DURING:

AFTER:

Dreaming of Changes

2012-01-23T18:26:00.000-08:00

I am feeling restless. It's that time of year when I need to clean out and shake up my surroundings. I've already taken two big loads to the donation center and every week I am picking a cabinet and doing a complete reorg of it. I didn't even remember I had some of the stuff I am finding.

Today I found myself dreaming of rearranging my bedroom. If only my bed was on casters, it would be easier to really be serious about. Not that I really could do much with it since the slider takes up an entire wall but none the less - the thought appeals to me.

I could shift my bed to the other side of the room, move my dressers and bookcase...but then, would I like it any better? I do like my room the way I have it. And I really plan to leave it as it is but still....every now and then I think switching it around would be fun.

Instead of moving heavy furniture around though, I guess I will just continue on with my annual purge of "stuff".

If only the kids would follow suit.

Monday Rambling

2012-01-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

The snow, ever so fleeting, is gone and in its place, is rain. Lots and lots and lots of rain. I walked across the front lawn today and with each step, I sunk in the mushy-ness of rain soaked soil. The ground is so wet I don't see how it can hold an ounce more.

I'm kind of sad that we missed the record snowfall that the Seattle area had last week but then again, I'm not. As beautiful as snow is, they really got hit hard. Well - you know, hard for this area. I know most of the country has waaaay more snow than we do but for those of us who reside in the PNW, it was a lot of snow.

I'm pretty sure you would be hard pressed to find snow boots, hats and gloves in many stores after the last week. I think that part cracks me up the most - not many of us gear up with snow clothes for the winter so when the possibility of snow becomes a front page story, everyone runs out to buy boots, warm gloves, snow shovels, etc. It's almost comical. You know, unless I am one of the ones out searching in the hours before the storm is supposed to hit. Then? Then it isn't so funny.

It's those times that I am wishing for coldwater creek coupons, and free overnight shipping. But I guess you have to ask yourself "Where's the sport in that?"

Now - because I am who I am, I usually hit the after season sale racks and stock up for the following year. I bought snow pants for the kids two years ago that they still were able to wear this year. Kelton, not so much. He couldn't snap the bib part of his snow pants because he has gotten so darn tall but the pants worked well enough. Kaylen's still fit fine but they sure won't next year. Hopefully, in the spring I will find snow pants for pennies on the dollar so I can be prepared for next year. This year, Dakota picked up their snow boots, which was really great. Kelton had a pair that were too small, but could have worked but Kaylen had worn hers out last year from wearing them almost every single day to school last winter.

I'm willing to bet we have seen the last of the snow this year. Which is sad but it's just been too warm here. We haven't had our usual cold streaks of temps int he teens for a week or two. It's hovering around 40.....and it's WET. I wouldn't mind a few more snow days but I just have my doubts that will happen.

At least we had the one though. I'm grateful for that. :)

Finally - A Snow Day!!

2012-01-18T10:03:00.000-08:00

This weekend, Kaylen attended a cheer leading clinic that our school district puts on once every few months and last night was the basketball game that she was invited to come cheer for. She was so excited and so stinking adorable.

The game lasted until about 8:30pm and when we left the high school gym, we were surprised to find snow falling - and sticking! We have been teased with snow flurries for days now and the weather reports just kept moving the timeline for snow further and further out so to actually see it sticking was pretty cool.

We got home and the kids promptly ran outside to make snowballs and have a little fun. We speculated about whether there would be school today or not. We all hoped for not because snow days are magical.

They finally came back inside and warmed up by changing into their pajamas and then snuggling on my bed while we watched the snow fall. We talked about the things we would like to do if the school district decided to call a snow day. Kaylen wanted to build a snowman, Kelton wanted to build a fire, I wanted time to just look out the window and enjoy the winter wonderland while I drank a cup of coffee. We decided a movie in the early evening would be a perfect way to end the day.

The kids ran off to brush their teeth while I got their rooms ready. I have a favorite memory from when I was a kid, my mom came into my room and opened the curtains so I could watch the snow fall as I fell asleep. I have done it every snowfall of my life since. I decided to do that for the kids. I pulled up their blinds and waited. "COOL!" yelled Kelton as he came into his room. "Can I keep it like that all night?" "Yep." I smiled back.

The kids climbed into their beds and I tucked them in. I returned to my room to watch the snow through my slider. They talked with each other back and forth and I just sat back and listened. Oh the magic of snow!!!

They finally drifted off about 10pm but I was no where near ready for sleep. I ended up staying up watching the snow fall until shortly after midnight, when I finally drifted off.
My text alert chimed at 4:18am. The school district had cancelled school. YES!!!!

I dozed, off and on until about 6:30 when I heard Kelton get up. Soon, whispering could be heard and then the shuffle of little feet. It wasn't long before I heard them enter my room and quietly say "Mom....we made you coffee!" Then they scooted off again.

I got up a few minutes later and went into the living room to open the blinds. Kelton started asking what news site he could go to to see if there was school. Silly bears! I said "School is closed today!" and they both cheered.

I noticed that the snow was starting to melt and a light rain was falling so when they asked if they could go out to play, I agreed, knowing it might be their only chance.

We measured the snow on the patio. Two very slushy inches.

They put on all their snow clothes and ran to the front yard. Snow people building began. I pulled on my snow boots and coat and went to help them a couple times. The rain was falling harder but it didn't stop them.

When they finally came back in the house, they were soaking wet and freezing cold. Hot cocoa all around, please!

We hung out and watched some TV together and I declared a pajama day. Just a bit ago, Kaylen asked to go back out. Kelton is staying in. Snow is beautiful and wonderful but I think he is getting to the age where he doesn't feel the need to be out there constantly. It's kind of nice to have a "window buddy" with me as we watch Kaylen build another snow family.

Snow days. Nothing like them!

2012-01-13T15:59:00.001-08:00

2012-01-13T15:51:00.001-08:00

An interesting take on things, don't you think? I hadn't thought of it that way but it does make perfect sense. I have a few people who don't so much appreciate me, but when I stopped to examine the situations (after reading this quote), I can totally see where it is because I stood up for something....or someone...or myself. But of course, you can also bring the wrath of people when you stay quiet (and let others fill in the blanks on their own (and were wrong about in their conclusion but by then the damage was done) about something for which you should have stood up. I don't think I will take that route again. I'd rather be disliked because I stood up for something than disliked because people jumped to the wrong conclussion.

Just sayin'.

It's all so complicated, isn't it?

Back in MY day......

2012-01-12T15:52:00.001-08:00

It seems that music can be stored in all sorts of manners these days; CD's, ipods, mp3 players, heck - even on our phones. I find it kind of amazing when my kids just take for granted the ease of listening to their music.

When I was a kid *cue violins' please*, you had two options for music: the radio or the hi-fi. Yes, I said it. Hi-Fi. It's what my parents called it. Of course, they called the couch a davenport, too. And a kitchen counter? A drainboard. But I digress.

I remember in the early 80's when CD's where just arriving on the scene. A friend of mine was going crazy moving into the land of this new technology but I was standing firm in my "records are the way to go" frame of mind. I mean really! Those little discs would never take off. Records had been around forever!

But take off they did. Soon my records were obsolete. Remember "mixed tapes"? You would find songs you liked and put a bunch of them together on a cassette tape and give it to the person you liked - sort of a musical love letter. Now, in order to make a "mixed tape". you need to do some fancy cd replication.

Or heck - make a playlist, upload it, download it and presto! It is in the possession of your beloved.

How times change. I was just thinking the other day of the things that have come to light in my lifetime: calculators, microwaves, cordless phones, video tapes, answering machines, VCR's, DVR's, CD's, DVD's, cell phones, computers, electric cars, etc. It's really quite mind blowing.

And I need to stop now because I am feeling really, really, really old.

Geritol, anyone? :)

Random

2012-01-12T15:38:00.000-08:00

The neighbor had the plumber over last night. I can only guess it was an emergency call from the lateness of the hour. It made me sad for her because well...plumbing problems suck and they cost a freakin' arm and leg!

It made me think back to the days I lived in a duplex. It seemed like we had the plumber over a few times too many to deal with things (all on the landlords tab, thank goodness!) and I have to say, I have not missed needing to call a plumber in all the years since.

Sure - I've had minor plumbing issues in recent years but a $60 auger and sheer determination fixed that problem - oh, and explaining to Kaylen that you just can't flush an entire roll of toilet paper at one time.

Thankfully, I've had nothing as serious as flooding from a burst pipe which would require something like a goulds pump. But just watch - I just angered the plumbing gods. I should know better. I'm sure it's something like telling someone that your baby slept through the night. You just assured yourself that that miracle won't be happening again for a long while. Or getting a wee bit of extra money. It seems that the appliances conspire against you and the next thing you know, you have spent the "extra" money and then some.

I shouldn't tempt fate. I know better than that.

Or I would have thought.

So True!

2012-01-11T23:00:00.000-08:00

"LOVE ME or HATE ME; Both are in my favor. If you love me,I'll always be in your heart. If you hate me, I'll always be in your mind." -Unknown

Better Late Than Never. Right?

2012-01-11T15:34:00.001-08:00

Fifteen Years

2012-01-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

Today is an anniversary for me. Fifteen years ago, right about now, I fell 6 feet from a fence and broke my back. Every day since then has really been a gift, since one of the first things I heard from the ER doctor after they discovered the break was "You are incredibly lucky. The type of fall you experienced can easily result in paralysis or death."

I will tell you though, there are some days it doesn't feel like I was lucky. Since that very cold morning, my life has never been the same. Pain, except for migraines, was a foreign concept to me. And even migraines...well....take something and they got better. This new world of pain is one that has been with me *every single day* in the past 15 years. Some days it can bring me to my knees. Other days, I do my best to ignore it.

The fall I had brought many changes to my life. Things I am not "medically cleared" to do. Things I shouldn't do, but do anyway because things have to get done, but for which I pay dearly in higher pain for days. It also brought, years later, syringomyelia which impacted greatly my already impacted abilities. The challenges of this condition are ones that affect me every single day. The pain, which I had learned to deal with, moved to a greater intensity and remains there. My pain is no longer primarily focused in one section of my back and instead, runs the entire length with more intense points along the way. My muscle strength is affected, my entire nervous system is impacted. My spinal fluid pressure, which fluctuates for everyone daily, can cause chaos inside me. Some days, I can't even twist the lid off a gallon of milk, let alone lift it. I'm grateful the kids are getting old enough to be of more help on my bad days. Kelton has learned to open jars for me and take lids off of things.

Fifteen years ago today - everything changed.

I remember once, a year into my recovery, shortly before my spinal fusion, my primary care doctor made the comment about how in five years I would look back and see how far I had come and how much more I was able to do. I'm still waiting for that day. I'm thinking it won't be coming BUT....I am alive and as healthy as I can be, all things considered. I'll take the pain and the limitations (and try not to show my frustration, and pain level, too much) over the possibility that the fall could have killed me.

Yes, I carried two babies to term. And I will tell you that never, in the entire 15 years, have I ever felt as good and had as low a level of pain as when I was pregnant. Pregnancy hormones were a good, good thing for me. I remember thinking that I wished there was a way I could stay pregnant forever because I just felt soooooo good!

Fifteen years ago.

I have constant pain to remind me at every single turn.

Time flies. And time crawls. All at the same time.

Ouch! My Ears!

2012-01-10T15:56:00.000-08:00

I am sure half the town just heard a deafening scream from a very excited almost 7 year old. As for Kelton and I...well..I think we have suffered serious hearing loss. :)

I just told Kaylen that she can indeed get her ears pierced and oh my goodness is she excited! She now knows what she wants to ask for in regards to birthday gifts: ear rings. And a place to keep them all, of course. (That's more from me than her... but whatever.)

I'm a bit nervous. I have a recommendation of a good place to take her too. And I plan to do a bit more mommy-research before just plopping her down in a chair. I'm sure I don't need to find anyone with Medical Liability Insurance for ear piercing but....maybe I do. :)

It's kind of funny that I never gave two thoughts about anything when, at 17, I decided to defy my parents and get my ears pierced (I was forbidden until I was 18.). I just went to the mall with some friends, slapped down the money and slid into the chair. With two "bangs" it was done. I added a third a few years later but again, I didn't give a single thought to where I went.

As a parent, I find I second guess my decisions when it comes to the health and safety of my children. I try to keep in mind that life is just a series of calculated risks. All I can do is assess the situation and make the best decision I can at the time with the information I have. Is it safe to let Kelton walk around the block alone to get in his newly required physical activity for school? It is safe to let the two of them ride their bikes around the block together but without me? Is it safe to let them out of my sight for two minutes? Is it safe to let Kaylen stand, waiting for the bus, alone in front of the house for five minutes while I wrangle Kelton into getting his stuff together to go out? Is it safe to take my daughter to the mall to get her ears pierced? I'm constantly questioning the safety of situations for them and this is no different.

But alas....I know millions of people have piercings and 99.5% of those people suffered no serious consequences. And yet...those millions are not my child. My flesh and blood. My responsibility.

So onward we go. My baby girl will be getting her ears pierced.

(And I suddenly understand why my parents said I couldn't until I was an adult. I'm sorry I defied you, Mom and Dad. But in my (lame) defense, I was only 6 months from being 18 years old.)

Kaylen Gets Ready to Turn Seven

2012-01-10T08:28:00.000-08:00

In exactly one month to the day, my six year old will magically transform into a seven year old. I can't believe it, though I'm starting to because every day when I look at her, I can see how much she is changing and turning into a "big kid" instead of my "little kid".

She wants a Barbie themed party this year. Where did unicorns go? It seemed like she wanted a unicorn birthday for years on end. Or princesses. Now her world revolves around Barbie. And Junie B. Jones books. I swear she devours those books!

She wants to get her ears pierced for her birthday. I pushed her off this summer when she started in asking. I told her she would have to wait and maybe we could talk about it closer to her 7th birthday. Here we are, and the conversation has resurfaced. For the life of me, I can't think of why not.

She is one of the most responsible children I know. She wears her glasses every day and reaches for them first thing in the morning. She takes care of them quite well for a 6 year old - and does her best to remember to take them off when she and her brother get to wrestling. She patches her eye every single day without being reminded - even though she really doesn't like it. (She is hoping the eye doctor will release her from the patch next week when we see him again. I'm hoping too.) She does the patching at school. On her own. Each and every day.

I know she would be responsible with pierced ears.

There would be no need to get lapel pins custom made to remind her to turn the piercing studs or clean them with the antiseptic. She would probably have it all done before I could even remind her.

Sometimes I worry about her need to be ultra responsible but really? It's kind of nice to have a child who is two steps ahead getting her "have to's" done on a regular basis. Her teacher is constantly telling me she is a teachers dream student because of her level of commitment to anything and everything she does.

And it's true.

And I'm going to pretend that it isn't because she has an irrational fear of failing or of stepping one step out of line. Instead, I'm going to go with it and encourage her to always do her best. So far, it's paying off! Just last night she told me she wants to go to a "good college. Like Yale." and then asked me if I think she could do it. YES! was my answer. Oh my sweet child, there is NOTHING you and your brother can not do if you really want to.

Seven, huh? Seems like just last year at this time she was five. Oh wait. She was. :)

Better Late Than Never

2012-01-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

So the news, splashing across Facebook today, is that Kristy McNichol has finally come out publicly. She is quoted as saying something to the effect of "I'm turning 50 and I want to live without fear...or not live a lie..." or something like that.

Kudos to her. Really.

I'm just wondering why it takes people so long to stand up and say "This is who I am." It's not like she had a huge romantic lead actress reputation to protect (and even then...come out!! It can only help others.). She hasn't even been on TV since the 90's. She has, however, been living with her partner of over two decades. WHAT? Seriously. I don't get it. I actually feel bad for her partner for being kept a secret. I have been a secret before and it feels awful. I will NEVER be someones secret again.

Did she ever once think how her coming out with her sexuality would help others? You know, back in the day when people knew who she was (and come on - we all KNEW she was gay). Did she ever wonder if she could help some other teen maybe not go down the road of prescription drug abuse addiction (or worse) as they tried to hide who they were for fear of retribution?

Here is something else I wondered this morning, as I read the article: where was Meredith Baxter-Birney in all this? She was a co-star on Family with Kristy McNichol. She came out a few years back. Did she ever reach back to help someone who clearly was struggling?

How can we, as a gay society, hold the straight society responsible for not being more understanding if we, as gay people aren't more understanding and helpful towards each other? Kristy, for her own reasons, kept her life a secret (and, her partner was therefore held as "less than" because the relationship was denied publicly) but if we would all stop living secret lives and just put ourselves out there, the world just might be a completely different place. And maybe, just maybe, the bullying and suicides in our young people would go down...and maybe just stop all together.

If we all stand strong, if we all stand proud of who we are....imagine what a difference we could all make.

Good for you, Kristy. I'm proud you finally stepped up. I'm happier still for your partner who can now actually be *seen* as your partner.

Now how about the rest of you still hiding behind your closet doors? Come out, come out where ever you are!

Sunday

2012-01-08T12:49:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday and the kids and Dakota decided to have an impromptu lunch out together. It was a little strange to have her come and pick them up a bit ago but they are all happy and the kids will be back soon. I didn't really have plans today anyway...just hanging out having an "at home" lazy Sunday.

Stephanie and I have been working our way through the Gilmore Girls series so we have already watched a few episodes of that today and will probably watch more later. Right now, she is snoozing (Sunday naps are the best, don'tcha think?) and I am catching up on a few things. Sure - instead of blogging I could be watching mindless TV with the commercials that repeat at annoying intervals. ProActive? Really? Your commercials are *every where*. I'm growing tired of them. Maybe they wouldn't be so bad if they were 30 seconds instead of three minutes. I'd even take a minute but really? They are just tooooooo long.

I don't so much mind the ones for the best eyelash growth products or even the No No shaving egg thing. At least they are compact commercials.

I think commercials are the reason people have gone to TiVo's and DVR's. I know, that for me, I would much rather watch a TV show hours, or even days later, if it means avoiding all the commercials. I know that is how they pay for the shows and all but come on.......it's past the point of ridiculous with how many commercials they throw in there.

Huh. Apparently I have strong feelings on the subject. Who knew. :)

I think I'll get off my soap box and go back to having a lazy Sunday. Tomorrow is Monday and it's shaping up to be an unexpectedly very busy day. Oh joy.

Five Days Later

2012-01-07T12:04:00.000-08:00

Here we are - 5 days after saying Good Bye to Jordan and I will say that we are all settling in. Kaylen still refuses to let me wash her bedding (though I told her the day was coming soon) and Kelton sleeps with a big, floppy stuffed dog that he got the day after he was born. He calls it his "Jordan dog". Maddie is doing ok but still wanders aimlessly, hates to be crated when I leave and well...hates when I leave the house. He big eyes are sad but she is slowly adjusting to life as the lone dog.

I'm doing ok. The first couple days were rough but sleep....well....as it turns out, sleep is an amazing thing. I still need to train myself to get back to sleeping better (and not waking up 3-4 times) but, on a good night, I am logging 8-9 hours of sleep which is HOURS longer than I have logged per night in a very long time. I have more stamina for the day, more patience and I'm not looking at the clock in the afternoon counting the minutes until I can crawl under the covers.

Who knew sleep was so important?!?! :)

I was up twice last night but neither time was because of an animal or a child. Can I say how strange it feels?

I do miss Jordan but I could really get used to this thing called sleep.

Where's the Snow???

2012-01-07T11:59:00.000-08:00

I read a Facebook update from a friend on the East Coast this morning. It said something to the effect of "Is that a lawnmower I hear?"

It seems to be a common theme across the country: WHERE IS THE SNOW??

The days, for the most part, here in the Great Northwest, have been hovering around 50. FIFTY! That is crazy! So far, we haven't had any days or nights in the teens which is unusual. We usually have a really good cold snap but not this year. At least, not yet. I'm still hoping for one.

The kids and I pray for snow daily.

Instead though, there are some days when I don't even grab a jacket when I head outside. There is clearly no need for heated motorcycle clothing for those who are out riding their motorcycles. In fact, let me just be astonished by this fact: people are out RIDING THEIR MOTORCYCLES! This is crazy for January.

So where is the snow??!?!?!?!

Christmas Has Left the Building

2012-01-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

After nine weeks of Christmas decorations, I am sad to say that we boxed everything up yesterday and put it away for another year. I know that nine weeks seems like a long time but for the kids and I, it went way too fast. Kaylen is so sad to have everything gone and I have to agree with her - the house is boring without the lights and colors. I put up the Valentine's Day decorations I have but they are so not the same. Still - better than nothing.

This morning, Kaylen and I took a quick trip to the grocery store and, on the way there, we saw a big Christmas tree recycling event in the parking lot of a church. Kaylen was full of questions: Why do they chip up the trees? What do they do with all the chipped up trees?

Composting is right up this child's alley. I'm pretty sure a good Christmas gift for her would have been a tumbling composter. All things garden related she is all over. I feel kind of bad because she didn't get to garden as much this past summer as she has in years gone by. I'm NOT a gardener and getting dirty isn't really my thing BUT..she loves it which means I see spring garden clean up in my future. Homemade soil would be a really good thing to have on hand, wouldn't it? :)

Crazy Friday

2012-01-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a strange but good day. I started the day off doing a bit of freelance work and, in the middle of it, I received a text from a friend asking if I wanted to meet for coffee. We made plans and I went about the rest of my morning and then drove to a nearby Starbucks to meet her. We chatted for a while and caught up on each others lives, which was awesome. All too soon, it was time to say goodbye. I came back home and got busy working on bills, PTO things and answering some emails that had come in. *BING* My text went off again. Same friend; saying thank you for meeting, let's do it again soon and "oh...did I mention (insert life changing information here)." (And no - I'm not going to tell you what that info is because I am a good friend and it is not my news to share.)

The texts flew fast and furious for a few minutes as I tried to figure out why, when I asked "So what's new with you?" she said "Oh not much...." I text'd her a sassy response saying that when I used that opening line, it would have been a good time to have decided to share it with me instead of ...you know...TWO hours later, after we said our goodbyes. :)

Anyway - I said "This is too big for text. When can you meet again?" "Now." came the answer. So I finished what I was working on and drove to another Starbucks. I'm telling you, I spent so many hours in Starbucks yesterday that I think I can name all their restaurant equipment. Hee hee.

So we met for another little while as she brought me up to date. I gave my thoughts on everything she was saying and it was a really good conversation. We ended our second meeting when it was time for me to get home to meet the school bus. Not nearly enough time to talk about everything she needs to talk about but a really good starting place. We left with the promise to get together more often for face to face catch up time. Texting is fine, and we do that often, but nothing beats the open hearted, face to face communication and back and forth "thinking out loud" process.

I don't envy the road she is on but I do support her 100% with whatever she decides is her best option. Because that is what friends do.

Resolves Revisited

2012-01-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

Last year, on January 3rd, I posted a list of things I was resolving to do in 2011. I printed out a hard copy and, instead of tucking it away in a drawer of a roll top desk, I posted it near my bathroom mirror, where I have read it nearly each and every day of the past 365 days. I've heard that if you post your goals, you are more likely to achieve them.

I'm going to add here, before going any further, that this was a HUGE list which basically would have completely reinvented myself. I shouldn't be surprised I didn't hit all of them - and I'm not. I'm actually quite proud of myself for doing as many of them as I did.

Let's recap, shall we?

I Resolve.....

...to be kind even when those around me are not.
I did really well with this one. Not 100% of the time but enough that I am satisfied with my progress to "hold my tongue". I'm a work in progress though...as we all are. :)

...to spend time taking care of me instead of everyone but me.
I think I have done well moving myself up the priority list - even when others didn't so much enjoy me putting myself ahead of what they wanted to me do. There have been rough moments with this one but I truly believe that I need to matter, too.

...to learn to trust again.
Work in progress, remember? Though I will say for as far as I have to go on this one, I am leaps and bounds ahead of last year.

...to remind myself that I *am* worth it...I am worth the effort to get to know and understand.
Should I just label this one as WIP (work in progress) too? I am finding this one exceptionally challenging though I am working hard to retrain my immediate "go to" of "not worth the time or trouble".

...to put myself at the head of the list.
See above. Making strides.

...to find peace.
Ummm........I have found *moments* of peace. And for now, that's better than I had so I'm going with it. :)

...to do more things for myself just because I'm worth it.
I think I am doing so much better on this one - though it is challenging.

...to find at least one thing to be happy about each and every day.
I have had days where I focused on many happy things...and then I had days that dragged me under the bus. HOWEVER...I am trying to remind myself of how lucky and blessed I am on a regular basis. I have more "happy" than not now though, so I'm taking this one as a win.

...to spend time alone. A lot of time alone.
I have done this and done it well. I'm happy to say I can be alone and I am completely fine alone. I will also say that being alone/loner isn't what I want or who I am. I am glad to know I can be completely fine alone when I want to be or have to be. So again, WIN!

...to build a great life for the kids and me.
Work in progress...but the three of us are doing very well. We are more settled and cohesive than we were a year ago.

...to stop letting others opinions of me get the best of me.
This is hard for me but I am trying to keep in mind that what you think of me is none of my business. I am doing the best I can at being the person I am.

...to learn to tame my anxiety and stress level.
I'm better than I was. Most days. Though I have made a distinct correlation between taking on the weight of others opinion of me and my anxiety and stress level. So now the trick is to really not let others have that sort of control over me.

...to spend more time with friends.
I don't have a ton of in-real-life friends, but I do have a few and I have spent time with them. I don't have as much time as I would like to spend one on one with them but I do share my life with people which is the point of having friends.

...to laugh more and cry less.
DEFINITELY.

...to be the best mother possible to my children but not at the expense of losing myself again.
I'm calling a win on this one.

...to find who I am, what I want and what I need.
Work in progress, remember? I do have a more clear sense of all three though, which is way above where I started.

...to be true to myself and trust that it will all work out as it should.
This is a challenge but I am continuing to do my best on a daily basis. Some days, I succeed. Some days, I fail.

...to let go of the hurt, betrayal and heartbreak and move forward happily
I'm going to say that yes, I have let go and am moving on. I'm not perfect and some moments I fall backwards but overall, I'm moving forward and I am VERY happy.

So...for 2012, I'm going to continue working on these goals and I will add only one thing: Love like I've never loved before. And that includes everything: people, animals, hobbies...anything and everything I do I will do with as much passion as I can muster. I will grab ahold of life and love it for all it is worth - and it's worth a lot!

Focusing on the Good

2012-01-04T12:35:00.000-08:00

I was thinking last night about all the pets I have lost over the past 18 years. The number is startling to me. To bring it into perspective, when I moved here, there were 5 cats and 2 dogs. Of those original 7 animals, only 1 cat remains. Added to that one cat, is Maddie, who joined the family almost 4 years ago, and Zip, who came last year. Before moving here, I had gone through the loss of three others. That makes 9 animals...or 36 furry paws I have loved and lost. Wow.

Jordan is definitely being missed, though the kids and I were happy to realize that we were *not* missing his ummmmm.....gassy explosion smells. Who knew that it was all coming from him?!?! I feel bad for blaming Maddie, too. :) So - of all the things we are missing, we were able to happily focus on the one thing we are definitely NOT missing. :)

I absolutely want to get the carpets cleaned now that he is gone. Last time I had them cleaned, they stayed that way for exactly 23 hours. I have a feeling they will stay clean much longer now. Again, one more good thing to focus on.

And guess what? There is more room on the couch now. The three of us, and Maddie, can fit across the regular sized couch where before, it was a good day if we could fit two people and Jordan on it. I guess there is no need to research sectional sofas los angeles style now.

Hey - I'm trying to find all the positives I can. Losing Jordan has been painful.

OH! And I actually slept clear through to my alarm clock this morning! Do you know that I have only slept to my alarm once in the past 6 months?!?! AND......I was only up twice last night. Once for my own reason and once to let Maddie into my room. PARTY!!!

Not worthy of celebration, you say? I say you haven't lived my life in the past couple of years. Sleeping in large blocks of time has been unheard of for me. I have great hope as to what sleeping will do for me. I keep hearing stories of how sleep is good...and important. I will haev to let you know how my research pans out. :)

So here's to the good parts. And here is to hoping the kids, Maddie, and I adjust to the big empty hole we have in our lives and in our hearts.

FRBO

2012-01-04T12:01:00.000-08:00

I am dreaming of a vacation. I think I always dream of vacations. Vacations are good....and fun. They can also be expensive and daunting.

My ideal vacation is time at the beach. I don't have lofty dreams. I have no desire to go to Europe. I have no desire to spend hours upon hours of traveling to get somewhere. I have no desire to need a passport. I am not high maintenance in the vacation department, that's for sure. Driving for 1 hour and 40 minutes can take me to my perfect escape - Seaside or Cannon Beach. An hour up or down the coast can take me to various other seaside towns. It's perfection at its best for me.

So imagine my delight when I cam across a website called For Rent By Owner (or, as is hip to do, the abbreviation of frbo)and for those of you dreaming of dreams far grander than I, it appears to be a global database.

Now...I personally find it kind of weird to be in someone elses home (bed and breakfast places are definitely not my style and neither was renting a condo or a house for a week that was someones second home) but different strokes for different folks, and all that.

Might be worth a look-see. Even for me. :)

Jordan

2012-01-03T13:59:00.000-08:00

I had thought that this past weekend would have been different. I had planned to upload Christmas photos and share stories of Christmas, both here and up with my family. I thought it would be all happy, happy, joy, joy but alas, as is often the case, God laughs while I make plans.

Instead of sharing with all of you the happiness of the holiday season and the start of the New Year, I sat and cradled the head my 14.5 year old Dalmatian as I said my thanks and goodbye to him.

Jordan McKay Duncan was a dog I never thought I wanted. He, and his brother, Pixel, were strays that a friend of Dakota's adopted from a shelter when they were 18 months old. She had only wanted Pixel but couldn't leave Jordan behind because he was slated to be put down at the end of that day. She called us and asked if we would take him.

We went to meet him on October 31st and upon meeting me for the first time, he lifted his leg and peed all over me. Not really a great way to endear yourself to me but to him, I think he was marking me as his own. We took him home where he joined 6 month old Jaxon.

The years went by and he grew older but he was always, always, always a wonderful dog with so much love to give. He wormed his way onto my couches and my bed....and definitely my heart.

The last two years have been trying with him. The last year was the hardest I ever went through with an animal. Through it all, I loved him because getting old isn't graceful and it isn't fun......and it was no different for Jordan. It felt like once the kids were both sleeping through the night, Jordan began his numerous nighttime wakings and needing outside. His accidents, too many to count. His getting off schedule and demanding to be fed at 2am for months on end. Believe me, if Jordan wasn't sleeping, I wasn't sleeping either. There have been many nights I logged a pitiful 3 hours of sleep while taking care of Jordan's needs and cleaning up messes.

I honestly believe that Jordan single paw-edly kept SpotShot carpet spot removal in business. He gave my washer and dryer a run for their money. He tried my patience. And even though I would tell myself I wouldn't miss him when he was gone, I knew it would be far from the truth.

Through it all, those big brown eyes would look at me and say "I'm sorry. I love you and I am so sorry to make such messes." And I would forgive him over and over and over as I scrubbed poop out of carpets.

My life revolved around Jordan for the past 18 months. I couldn't be gone for more than a couple hours unless he was gated in the kitchen. And even then, I would often come home to messes. Every moment was consumed with "Does Jordan need out? Does he need medicine? Is he ok? What does he need now?" and the like. It was exhausting. Completely overwhelming and utterly exhausting. But it was my life.

And then...the kids and I got home from Seattle on the 31st. The kids left with Dakota around 5pm and I headed out to Stephanie's to celebrate the New Year. I was back home by 1am to take care of the dogs. I let the dogs out in the backyard to do what dogs need to do except the fireworks were so loud that Maddie got completely wound up. She charged at Jordan, trying to get him to play. Jordan, being unsteady on his legs because his back knees were so weak (from his days of rough play with Jaxon and, as it turns out, perhaps hereditary issues as well) was knocked off balance. I could tell immediately that he was hurt. He limped his way back into the house. I gave him a pain pill to help and I was hoped he would "walk it off" the next day and I started getting everyone settled in for the night. He wanted up on Kaylen's bed. I helped him, as usual, get up on it. Then...after I left the room, he jumped down. The thud and cries were heartbreaking.

I ran in and sat with him until he was calm. I helped him up and tried to get him to sleep on the floor. Nothing doing - he wanted the bed. I helped him up and he stayed there until 6am. He got down on his own and limped outside, then ate his breakfast and, with help, went back to bed. At 8am he got up again without falling but was clearly in pain. I gave him more medication to help. By 830am he couldn't walk without assistance and he would fall to the ground over and over. I sat with him and kept him calm.

At 9:30 I text'd Dakota to fill her in and we made a plan. Having been up very late to celebrate the New Year, the kids were still sleeping. They were up, an hour later, the four of them got ready and headed over. At that point, I had been sitting on the floor with Jordan for a few hours. Stephanie had spent a couple hours talking with me on the phone and listened to me as I talked about Jordan's younger years and all the emotions I was dealing with at that moment. I am so thankful for that connection because sitting with him, knowing what was coming, was painful. I realized losing him was going to be far more difficult than I had been telling myself for the past year.

Finally, around 12:30, Dakota, and everyone, showed up. I was hesitant about having the kids there but it turned out to be a really good thing. They were able to see for themselves that he was in bad shape and I think it helped them understand a bit why we had to make the choice we did.

Kaylen wanted pictures taken with him so we took photos and everyone had some time to say goodbye. We couldn't get him up to get him to the car so we scooted a blanket under him and we all carried him out to the car. Dakota and Vicki went with Jordan and I stayed with the kids.

It was absolutely gut-wrenching to watch them drive away. I pulled myself together for the sake of the kids and I took care of them. Dried their tears and indulged them in making scrapbook pages (their idea) so they could have photos to remember Jordan. They wanted the pictures we had taken printed out, so I downloaded them and printed them. They created pages and Kelton typed up a poem. I think it was really good for them to do while they processed their loss.

Dakota and Vicki soon returned and after a few minutes, we got the kids ready to leave. Just as they were leaving, Stephanie arrived. We said goodbye to the kids and closed the door. It didn't take long before I was a mess of tears. Stephanie held me and let me cry and cry. We spent time with Maddie, who was a mess in her own right. Dakota took care of the kids and got them through the day.

It's been a couple days of intense grieving for all of us. Last night, when I was putting the kids to bed, it was hard for all of us. Jordan was a BIG presence in this house. He was seemingly everywhere and suddenly.....he is no where. It's a huge change that has all of us off kilter and feeling fragile.

In time, we will get used to him not being here but for now? Right now the house is big and empty and quiet.

We miss you Jordan. You will forever be loved by us. Thank you for an amazing 13 years with me.

Filling Time

2012-01-03T13:36:00.001-08:00

Can you tell I am killing time today? Well - not really killing it. Trying to fill it up.

The kids went back to school today and without Jordan needing near constant attention, the house is quiet and empty. Maddie, while an attention hound in her own right, is depressed and quiet. Everything feels "off" so I am keeping my mind busy to keep the tears and sadness at bay. I had no idea I would miss him as much as I do. I guess I was just fooling myself.

So - after the kids left for school, and Stephanie headed to work, I got busy. I had a ton of laundry to do (two loads of clothes, one load of Jordan's bedding, and Kelton's bedding. I need to wash Kaylen's bedding, too, but she has made me promise to "never ever wash them again" or...as I actually promised, to not wash them...yet. They smell like dog and need to be washed but Kaylen is grieving for her "bedtime buddy" so I will give her a couple more days.). The laundry amount isn't the overwhelming part - it's the time involved in drying each load. The dryer vent runs half the length of the house and isn't very effective (even after having the line replaced a few years back) so each load takes about 140 minutes to dry. It's a lot. But that's life.

After getting laundry started, I cleaned the kitchen and then started cleaning out the puzzles and games that the kids have outgrown to make room for their new Christmas gifts. That, of course, led to straightening up a bit of the garage and filling my trunk with a ton of stuff to take to Goodwill. Just as well though, I had decided the house was just too weird feeling and I needed to get out for a bit.

I needed to replace the front door locks since they started freezing up (unbeknowst to me. The pet sitter and my neighbor had a terrible time while the kids and I were in Seattle. When I got back, I tried to unlock the door and it took almost 5 minutes before the lock gave and let me in. WOW!) so I headed first to Goodwill and then to Home Depot.

In the row with the very cool address signs, I find the door locks. The fancy ones called my name but the checkbook slapped reality into me and I settled for the basic style but I did step it up and bought the brushed stainless. I tried hard to convince myself that with my weakening hand muscles, the new ADA approved handle would be a better option but...the reality of saving $13 won out. Oh well...not like I use the front door all that much anyway since I park in the garage. :)

After Home Depot, I ran into the grocery store and picked up milk and then headed home. I got to work quickly on the locks and within an hour, they were installed and I had rekeyed them to fit my current key. Yes, I said *I* rekeyed them. My brother told me about Kwiklock locks that come with a master key so that you can rekey the lock without changing the lock any time you want. FANCY! Once I figured it out, it was quick and easy. No sense incurring the cost of new keys when I don't have to.

I have to say, I am VERY proud of myself for my new found lock changing ability. Yay me!!!

Just call me Casey the Locksmith. If you need your locks changed...I will be happy to help you for a reasonable fee. :)

Everything but the Kitchen Sink

2012-01-03T13:26:00.000-08:00

Let's talk kitchen sinks, shall we?

Mine is an almond color. Don't judge. It came with the house and it works just fine, thank you. :) The truth is, I like it. It was a big side and a smaller side and it is deep. I do not like shallow kitchen sinks. In mine you can hide a stack of dishes and from the breakfast bar, no one would ever know they were in there. So see? I like my almond color kitchen sink.

But what I don't like it how easy it stains. Coffee will stain it as will red sauces, etc. I scrub it a lot and sometimes I let bleach sit in it to give it a good bleaching. And yet, more times than not, it doesn't look at clean as I would like it to look.

So let's discuss the stainless steel sink. Those stay stain-free but do they get scratched or do they resist damage like that - even after years go by? I remember my parents had stainless. Stephanie has stainless and so does my sister. They tend to show water spots if you aren't careful though, yes? My sink does not though pans will leave black scuff marks that need to be scrubbed out.

Not that I plan to replace the kitchen sink at this point in time but you know me...always thinking. :)

Gold

2012-01-03T13:22:00.001-08:00

Have you seen that commercial....the one with the $50.00 value gold coin that is currently available for a mere $9.95? Do you think those suckers are *really* worth $50? And if so, WHY are they selling them for 1/5 the value?

It does get me thinking though about the value of gold. Is this a good time to buy gold bullion or sell your no longer needed gold jewelry? It's so confusing.

Buy? Sell?

*rolling on the floor laughing*

Yeah...like that's a real issue for me. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

But still......it does leave me wondering.

Post Christmas Clean Up...or Not

2012-01-03T13:14:00.000-08:00

Well - Christmas is over. I would say the tree is down, but it isn't. Kaylen doesn't want the season to be over AT ALL so I agreed to let things stay up until this weekend when she will be here to help me pack it all up.

Personally, I'm mixed. I wasn't but I am now. I love the living room all holiday'd out but with all that has happened in the past couple days (more on that later. It deserves it's own post.), I think I'm ready to have it all put away and cleaned up.

But the clean up - oh the clean up. The kids gifts are placed under the tree and the thought of finding places for everything is daunting. Kelton has always been reluctant to give away outgrown toys and Kaylen is following suit (she used to be SO good about saying goodbye to things!) I confess that I cleaned out the puzzle and game cabinet this morning and made way for their new things. I'm sure Goodwill was happy to see me coming. :) Perhaps they even broke out their discount cigars to cheer the 3rd of January since that has consistently been the date I take a huge carload of stuff to them.

But for today, everything stays put. So if you still feel the need for a bit of Christmas, come over and sit in my living room. :)

Business Loans

2012-01-03T10:53:00.000-08:00

I came across information for bad credit small business loans and I have to say, at first thought this seems to me like a not great thing but then, when I started thinking about it, maybe for some this could be just the ticket out of trouble and back into the middle class.

When you first think "bad credit", you don't usually put that together with business loan. I mean...let's look at it like this: if you aren't paying your bills, why should you get a loan that ...you know...you have to pay back which we already stated, you aren't doing.

BUT......what if you had just fallen on hard time and defaulted on things without it being a habitual issue? Wouldn't you deserve a chance to start over? To maybe chase a dream that could put you back on track for obtaining the "American Dream" again?

Don't we all deserve a second...and sometimes a third...chance to try again?

I think we all deserve to chase our dreams and find success with that which makes us happy and fulfilled.

So rock on, people. Rock on.

Do good.

2011-12-23T17:24:00.001-08:00

Yep. That's what we are doing around here. Waiting. And waiting some more.

Kaylen, said this morning, "I can't believe Christmas is in TWO days! I've been waiting FOREVER!!"

As a mom, I have to say that the time has flown by. I'm ready though - as ready as I will be. So bring it on....let's get this party started!!! :)

Merry Christmas to you all!!!!

The Weather Outside...

2011-12-21T13:29:00.001-08:00

...is actually quite nice. Cold, but clear. A perfect day. It could actually pass for summer time....you know, if I could pretend the trees had leaves on them. Maybe, if I closed my eyes for a minute, and concentrated hard, I just might be able to hear happy children playing in the yard, or in the pool. I might be able to hear birds chirping. Maybe, in my minds eye, I would be able to see two happy dogs laying in sun patches in the grass. I could have a different set of "worries" like if I need a swimming pool fence to keep the kids safe, or trying to figure out a good time to get the lawn mowed.

But summer it is not. We are at the official start of winter. December 21st. Six more months until thoughts of swimming pools and whatnot fill my head. Right now, it's all about the Ho Ho Ho, Fa La La and how to keep bored children from spinning out of control. Kelton does better with no routine. He finds things to do. Right now he is working on building a webpage and writing a Winter Break journal. Kaylen is a tougher one. She is B.O.R.E.D. She wants to be in school, and with her friends. She has gone through so many activities today, including helping me make Peppermint Kisses. That activity alone kept us busy for over an hour and yet...10 minutes later, she was complaining about being bored again. *sigh*

I love having them home with me though- bored, or not. I love having them running around and I don't even mind the huge messes they make with their craft supplies and toys. I cherish every moment I have with them....even the moments that are hard and frustrating. :)

I wish it would snow today. And a lot. A few years ago we had so much snow this time of year - something crazy like 20 inches. It kept falling and falling and it was amazing and wonderful and magical. You know, until the ice dams caused the melting snow to seep into the ceiling in the living room...but even then, it was still magical in the world. Christmas should have snow. Plain and simple. But Christmas in the Northwest rarely does. Doesn't make me stop wishing for it though. :)

Snow would be awesome. The kids would have so much fun building snow people and we could go for snow walks. Build a fire, have hot cocoa and watch Christmas shows. As it is, this afternoon I am planning to do the whole fire, cocoa and Christmas shows thing but snow would make it that much more magical.

Let it snow. That's what I say.

In the meantime, here are some photos I took of the Peppermint Kiss making. I would share the recipe but I don't wanna. :)

YUMMY!!!!! These little things are incredibly addicting. Yum Yum Yum!!!!

This Love Is Ours

2011-12-20T21:41:00.000-08:00

I am so loving this song!!!

"Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard. The stakes are high, the water is rough, but this love is ours...."

Christmas Week

2011-12-19T09:12:00.001-08:00

Well. Here we are. Christmas week. I can hardly believe another year of life is winding down. Honestly, it doesn't so much seem like it should be nearing the end of December already. September. Yes. But no later in the year than that.

Not that anyone asked me. :)

The house is decorated and ready to go. There are gifts under the tree waiting for the big day. I have plans to make some Christmas goodies this week and then, of course, Santa cookies for Christmas Eve. As Christmas' go, this is a fairly simple one and that's fine by me.

In the days after Christmas, the five of us will be traveling to Seattle for Christmas with my family. I've been a little stressed over how all our stuff, gifts and us will fit in the car (not to mention the gifts coming back!) but I also know it always seems to work out. It's times like these I think "An RV would be good. It would have enough room." But alas, no RV in my future which, of course means, I don't have to worry about rv insurance. So all in all...that's a good thing. :)

Christmas. Fa la la la la and all that. My emotions go back and forth - I'm wishing it was over and I'm trying to soak it all in. Christmas, as an adult, sure isn't the same as Christmas as a child. So I'm doing all I can to make sure my children have a great, memory-worthy Christmas. Lots of fun, laughter and family. Because it's not about what's UNDER the tree. It's about who you have to celebrate with.

Something Monumental, This Way Comes

2011-12-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

No. Seriously, you guys. THIS is monumental news. In my world, I call it earth shaking. In yours....well...you'd probably call it every day life.

Are you ready?

No, really. Are you sitting down?

Ok well - if you aren't, you have no one to blame but yourself when you fall over.

Here goes:

I COOKED. Twice this week. And I don't mean kid-friendly, pop it in the microwave cooking. I've been doing *that* for years. I also don't mean "Oh look! I boiled water and added pasta." Again, I've been doing that for years.

I mean honest to goodness COOKED. Meat, no less. With side dishes to ...you know...make a well-balanced, honest to God, meal. With meat.

Yes, that nasty smelling, raw stuff. I cooked it and.......Kelton ate it and LIKED IT! Holy moly Batman -alert the authorities.

As a rule, in my previous life, I would say "Oh - I don't cook." and well, it was true. But in recent months....say....possibly 11 or 12 months, I have very slowly and carefully started learning how to cook. I had the basics down before: Omelette's? Mine rocked. Scrambled eggs? Perfection! Banana bread? Off the charts freakin' fantastic! My grandmother's Mac-n-Cheese? Oh yes - I can rock that really well, too. I even ventured into the land of homemade gluten-free stuffing for Thanksgiving. (and I have learned to cook a wicked good stuffed hash browns and eggs over medium, too!)

But "meals"? Rarely. And meat? NEVER.

Tonight though.....without benefit of a miller welding helmet, I made hamburger patties with melted cheese. The other night? Shake-n-Bake chicken. Side dishes? Yes, thank you very much.

And both nights, I purposely walked outside for a few minutes just so I could walk back in and smell the amazing aroma of food that I, myself, had cooked. I'm telling you, I am very proud of myself. I not only cooked meat but I TOUCHED it. And if you know me, you know there is precious little that grosses me out more than touching raw meat.

I am so proud of me.

Yeah - I know. A regular day in most of your lives but for me - HUGE! :)

Christmas Cookies

2011-12-10T19:57:00.000-08:00

Today I wanted to do fun Christmas things with the kids as this is the last weekend before Christmas that they will be with me (though thankfully, I do have them with me during Christmas break - which I am VERY happy about. I love having this special time with them even when it is patience-trying. *grin*). I had a few "have to's" to get done but I also sprinkled in some fun into the errands. And I arranged for my friend, Cande, and her two girls to come over for Christmas cookie making. We picked up some firewood, cookie making supplies and a Christmas movie (Jack Frost). We even grabbed some McDonald's (the first time I've taken them to McDonalds in about ummmmm....six months. Wow!) after we finished our running around.

We came home and ate while we started watching Jack Frost. After lunch, I built a nice fire and made the living room cozy. We love fires in the fireplace but we only seem to have them when the Christmas tree is up. Ah tradition!

After the movie, I went to work finding all the cookie cutters and getting things ready. The kids helped me straighten up (and Kelton did a GREAT job cleaning the bathroom!) and then, while we waited for our friends to arrive, we wrapped the gifts for the Seattle cousins.

Finally our friends arrived and the fun was off and running! The four kids get wild and crazy when they are around each other and Cande and I try to not lose our minds. :) The kids (with help) rolled out the dough and used the cookie cutters to create their cookies. We baked their creations and cleaned up the mess while they all ran off to play. When the cookies were cool, we called them in for round two of the messy fun.

Oh my! The fun that was had. At one point, we were all laughing so hard it was hard to breathe. Kelton was using so much red gel stuff that when the tube started running low, it made "farting" sounds. Could it be any more hysterical for a 10, 9, 6 and 4 year old? No. No it could not be. :)

After the cookie making, the little girls pulled out Let's Dance for the Wii and went crazy. Oh my!!! So cute!

All in all, we had a great Christmas-y day! And now, as the hours of the day dwindle, we are all snuggled on my bed watching Frosty Returns. It's been a good day!!

December Fun

2011-12-10T19:52:00.001-08:00

Oh How I Hate 3AM

2011-12-06T06:52:00.001-08:00

I was exhausted last night. I've been running a low grade fever for a few days (probably due to my syringomyelia since I don't feel sick at all) and by 6pm last night, I could barely keep my eyes open. I made it to 8:30 and then tucked the children into their beds. I watched a half hour of TV and then shut off the light, sinking down onto my pillow with a happy sigh. Only.....sleep didn't come. As it does in the dark of night, my mind started racing with worries and whatnot. Finally around 11, I dozed off.

At 3, Jordan woke me by jumping down off Kaylen's bed (where he sleeps). I sleep incredibly lightly - which sucks for me but which is also good when you have an old dog. I let Jordan outside and stood in the open door, as the freezing air swirled around me, for a good 10 minutes as I encouraged Jordan to do what he needed to do. He is old and I swear he has a bit of dementia. He peed a few times (yes - you read that right) and then convinced me with his sad eyes that he was done.

I let him back in and helped him back up on Kaylen's bed.

No more sleep for me though. The stresses and worries hit me like a ton of bricks. I watched the clock go from 3:15 to 4:25 to 4:40 and then..I drifted off. 5am and Jordan's awake again. I put him outside AGAIN (because I know he needs to poop) and again I play the "GO!" game with him to no avail. Ten minutes later, I give up and in he comes. He and I go back to our beds. This time I drift off in about 15 minutes......

He's up again at 5:30. I put him outside AGAIN and then I give up and feed him. I put him outside again and he just stands on the patio for several minutes and just stares at me. I sigh and let him in.

We walk back to the bedrooms and.........HE POOPS ON THE FLOOR! SERIOUSLY?????????

I haven't slept for more than a wink and a nod since Three-Freaking-O'Clock and at 5:45 he poops on the floor?!??!?!?!?! He had been outside FOUR times!

So let's recap, shall we? I slept from 11-3 which is 4 hours.....add in *maybe* 30 more minutes and you get a whopping 4.5 hours of sleep. And I wish I could say this was a rarity. But it is not.

Any wonder why I fall apart emotionally every few weeks?!?!

Ugh!!!!

Gifts Under the Tree

2011-12-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

Ask and ye shall receive.

Kaylen wanted gifts, wrapped and pretty, under the tree, so I made that wish come true. The kids are with Dakota this weekend and, since I had nothing to do this morning, I ran out and bought some tape (we go through tape like it's water. The kids LOVE using tape), came home, pulled out the gifts and started wrapping.

Instead of putting on something Christmas-y to watch, I turned on an episode of Tori and Dean's Home Sweet Hollywood because well....I could. :)

I wrapped and wrapped and wrapped and soon it was done. Well...not all of it. I left the cousin gifts for Kaylen to help me with. She loves to wrap. I put a couple gifts for each other the kids, and our gifts for Stephanie and Andrew, under the tree. The gifts joined the presents that my grandmother sent down for us.

I have to say, Kaylen was right. The tree just looks prettier with gifts under it.

Guitars

2011-12-03T11:45:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking the other day how there used to be so many musical instruments in my house. I had two guitars. Dakota had two guitars. For a while I had an electric guitar but I never really played it so I consigned it. We never had gretsch guitars but we did have a djembe and various other percussion devices. Kelton even had a drum set, not to mention to other music sets that are well known for toddlers and preschoolers.

When Kelton was born, we uprooted ourselves and moved 3.5 hours south. At that time, I decided to let my guitars go since I never played them (and honestly, with a baby, my hands were quite full). We moved everything else with us. The toddler set was outgrown eventually, though it still does reside in the garage and Kaylen will pull it out every so often to play with it. The rest? It all moved out when Dakota did and now resides with her. Including Kelton's drum set. She has a basement and had room for it, so it just made sense.

I find, at times, I miss having music producing items around. I will, at times, briefly think about how much I miss playing my guitar. But the truth is, I wouldn't play it. I have too many other things I want to do with my time. It was great though, in days gone by, to just pick up the case, pull it out and start making music.

Music is good. But for now, the radio will have to do. :)

December 1st

2011-12-01T16:02:00.000-08:00

My Facebook post today went a little like this: "Wow. December. Again. How?"

And yes, that is how I am feeling. How in the world can it be December again already? Sometimes I can hear my grandmother's voice saying "Stop trying to speed things up. Just wait. The older you get, the faster time will go."

Score one for Grandma. She sure nailed that one.

Right now, my life is threatening to overwhelm me. Yes, again. Maybe it's still. I don't know. But whatever the case, there it is. The day to day, while certainly enough to keep me busy and wondering how I will get it all done, isn't so bad. It's the emotional parts that get me. And this time of year? It's filled with emotional parts. Let's not forget my posting from December 1, 2009. The holidays? They are definitely NOT what they used to be. But they are what I choose to make it so I'm trying. God knows I'm trying.

Kaylen wants to know why I haven't wrapped their gifts and put them under the tree yet. After all, she says, trees are prettier with presents under them. Touche, young one, touche. I told her I just haven't had time yet. Maybe I will wrap a couple things this weekend and slide them under there as a surprise for when they come back home Sunday. I just don't want them to get used to looking at the few things I have for them and thinking "That's it?" because yes, that is it. From me, at least. Santa will have something for each of them. Dakota and Vicki will have some for them. Stephanie will have a gift for each. Other family gifts will be received at family gatherings.

I still need to find a way to let them know there will be no Christmas stocking for me this year. I've been working on the backstory....you know, money problems across the world so Santa is asking parents if it is ok if he skips filling their stocking this year so that there is more for the kids. I don't know. I'm wishing like heck we never let them believe that Santa fills Mommy's stocking too. *sigh* But that's life. It won't always be like this but it is what it is.

I don't have a lot of questions about what to get people in my life this year because there isn't money for that. Pictures of the kids just might have to do. On one hand, it's kind of nice to not have to worry about things like "what is the best ps3 game to get someone" or "Gosh - will they like this thing I found for them?" On the other hand....it sucks. My biggest worry is the kids. Which is what my biggest worry should be - and has been.

It's hard - this time of year. Yesterday I spent a few good hours under my covers coming out to brave the world at either end to take care of kids and chores and whatnot. I don't regret taking some hours to hide. I find there are just days I need to hide. And cry. Licking my wounds, as it were, for a few hours (maybe a day or two) here and there help me get back to facing the world.

And facing the world is something I always get back to.

Ready. Or not.

Jack is Back!

2011-11-29T09:39:00.000-08:00

The morning after Thanksgiving, Jack made his big reappearance in the house. The kids were thrilled, and mystified, because I hadn't left his box out for him to escape from. How, then, did he make it all the way to the fireplace mantle?

Christmas magic.

They decided that he must have spent the time we were gone on Thanksgiving Day getting out of his box, figuring how to crawl out of the plastic Christmas decoration bin, and get into the house from the garage. The theories were flying around and I kept shrugging my shoulders and saying "I don't know. It must be Christmas magic." (Jack and his box live in my closet all year long so I know exactly where to find him when I need him. The kids do not know this.)

But where was his book? The one that tells the story of Elf on the Shelf? Again, I said "I don't know." (All the while kicking myself for not putting it out. What can I say? It was past midnight and I was tired and not thinking clearly the night I pulled him out.)

The excitement of it all was too darn cute.

A couple days later, the book "magically" appeared next to him as he sat perched on Santa's shoulder.

Every morning, the first thing the kids say is "I need to go find Jack!" and they race off. Kelton, usually up first, will find him and then wait and not say anything. Then Kaylen will go and search for him when she gets up. It's the best part of the morning.

I have to say, Jack the Elf is one of my favorite things about the Christmas season. It's just the right amount of magic sprinkled into every day.

Post Thanksgiving Post

2011-11-25T15:13:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving turned out to be an amazing day. I will freely admit that I was apprehensive about Thanksgiving, given that I think I have a wee bit of post traumatic stress over the whole thing. I finally spilled all my fears and concerns with Stephanie and, after a very reassuring conversation, I felt better. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn to spill my innermost thoughts *before* they rob me of sleep and inner peace and contentment. Oh sure - I have a million reasons why I keep stuff bottled up but really? Once they are out in the open, I usually feel much better. That whole moral support, love and understanding thing, don't ya know. :)

I won't tell you that all my anxiety was magically gone after opening up but I no longer had the urge to hid under the covers until it was over. I was still awake most of the nights fretting about this, that or the other. No rhyme or reason to my fretting - it was open season for my fears and insecurities.

Anyway.....Thanksgiving Day dawned and we were off and running. Kaylen and I got down to business and made gluten free stuffing and the kids broke out all sorts of craft projects to keep themselves busy. Dakota and Vicki stopped by on their way out of town and made cinnamon rolls with the kids and hung out for about an hour.

After that, the kids and I packed up the car and headed over to Stephanie's were we spent 11 hours hanging out, eating, playing games and laughing so hard our sides hurt. Apples to Apples and Uno brought hours of good times. Too soon, it was time to head home and put the kiddos to bed. Kelton was thrilled to see the clock change to midnight and then sleepily called out "Happy Black Friday!" Silly child. :)

For some reason, I was awake at 5:30 and the kids were up by 7:30. Needless to say, we had a come to Jesus meeting about being nice to each other and using nice tones and words to help us all get through a day on very little sleep.

Kelton was dying to see what Black Friday was all about. Kaylen and I were content to stay in and decorate the tree but.....life is all about compromise so we all got ready and headed over to Fred Meyer so Kelton could, in his words, "experience his first ever Black Friday that he could remember." I had told him that we used to take him with us when he was a baby but once he got big enough to know what we were getting for him, we stopped and then Dakota and I took turns going out to shop.

The only reason I truly agreed to go out in the craziness today was that Kelton has destroyed three pair of his jeans in the past couple weeks and he really did need more. I knew they would be on a heck of a sale today. And they were. I got two pair of jeans for $9.99 each (regular price $24.99 each)! The kids sweet talked me into buy one game, get one free so they came home with electronic Scrabble and Uno Attack. I had a hard time saying yes but games are something they are needing since they have outgrown Candy Land, Monoploy Jr., 5 Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, and the other games for very young children. Still....it was a hard decision for me and I'm still not sure I made the best call. (The games are fun though!)

After coming out of Fred Meyer alive and well, we came back home and worked on setting up the Christmas tree.

Once that was done, Kaylen and I headed outside to put up a few outside decorations. Sadly, I am unable to get up my favorite decoration since I can't figure out how to get it where it needs to go. I could have cried when I realized I just couldn't do it but - that's life, I guess. I may figure out a way yet but for today, I put it back in its box in the garage.

Kaylen and I came back inside and I made her hot chocolate, since she really wanted some. I think it's cute - she equates hot chocolate with Christmas decorating and Kelton equates egg nog. Sadly, I didn't have egg nog on hand and we decided to skip trying to get it at Fred Meyer since it was insane in there. I really wish we had had some.

From there, I changed my sheets, caught up on laundry, and straightened things up.

And now? I. Am. Exhausted. And my back is killing me.

But as always, it is worth it all just to see the happy smiles on my kids faces as they pulled out decorations and played the "remember when" game. For a while, I just stood back, watched, and listened to them. It was awesome. I love that they are old enough to oooh and aaaah over everything.

Life is good.

Today

2011-11-23T16:50:00.001-08:00

Snow and Ocean

2011-11-21T17:07:00.000-08:00

It was a child-free weekend so when a shop in Seaside called to let Stephanie know that something she had ordered had arrived, it was a quick decision on her part to make a weekend of it and pick it up personally instead of paying for shipping. And who am I to ever turn down a trip to the beach?

The only glitch was the weather. Snow was predicted in the higher elevations (and since I live "on the valley floor", snow is a rarity in my yard but does happens more often out where Stephanie lives). We kept an eye on the weather all week and decided to go ahead and go on Saturday morning, knowing if it got bad, we could turn around.

Off we went. And we did great...not a flake in sight until about 1100ft up the mountain pass. Oh but it was beautiful! However, we all know snow in the mountains can go from beautiful to disastrous in a heartbeat.

Up, up we went. When we hit 1650 ft elevation the roads were very slick but we kept going, moving slowing in the snake-like line of cars. I slide a bit just moving forward. The brakes (which are clearly NOT anti-lock) locked and slid. I recovered control and kept creeping along.

Stephanie fed me encouragement (I'm not a fan of snow driving but turning around wasn't so much an option since it was too slick to try and towns/turn arounds are few and far between up there) and soon enough we started our downward descent. The elevation ticked lower and lower. The snow became all but non-existent and then gone. Twenty-one miles from the coast we were out of the snow and home free!!

We plotted out the best time to make our return trip the next day. The warmest part of the day...and hopefully the sand trucks and plows we passed would have done their job to make the roads safer. And time to drive as slow as we needed.

Thoughts of ice and snow soon left our minds as we turned onto the road to take us to the oasis we both love. We stopped in town and had a late lunch and then went to pick up the item that Stephanie had ordered. From there, we checked into the hotel and settled in.

It was awesome! It was cold and amazing and refreshing. Stephanie even put on long pants which is something I've witnessed only once before. She is a shorts kind of girl - no matter the weather. We walked around a bit and then went back to the room to watch the ocean in all its glory with our slider open, the heat and fireplace going. It was fantastic!

We ventured outside a few times for short jaunts and then ordered room service (appetizers and dessert because those are the best part of the meal!) and settled in to watch some TV before calling it a day.

The next morning, we headed out for coffee and a walk and were properly rewarded with a sight I have never before seen: frost on the sand! It was incredible...and beautiful!

When we checked out, the desk clerk joked "So we'll see you next month?" because well...we have been to the beach three time in six weeks and the desk staff recognizes us... and I said "No - probably not until spring because of the snow and ice in the mountains." He asked where we are from and then gave me directions to an alternate route which avoids the mountains, thereby giving us the freedom to head to the beach whenever we want all winter long. :) Sure - it's a longer route but only by about 30 minutes and it makes us both feel better to know we aren't "land locked" for the next 5 months. Options are always good.

There is one thing we both have come to realize (well - I've always known it but Stephanie now understands it and has come to need it as much as I); the fresh air, the beach and the ocean centers us, refuels us and let's us find out balance in the game of life.

Balance is good. And time to just be "us" is vital and something we don't get near enough of.

30 Minutes of Good Wholesome Values

2011-11-17T07:39:00.000-08:00

Kelton has discovered (or should I say re-discovered it. He watched it a couple years ago, too.) "Full House". You know, the series from...umm..what? The late 80's and early 90's? Oh wait. I have Google. I can check. Just a sec.....

1987-1995

Anyhoo.......Kelton was watching it and I was listening to it from the kitchen this morning while I made breakfast for the children. The theme music slowly started to play which, as we all know, signals the story wrap-up and the lessons therein. I felt wistful....longing for the days when I believed, or simply knew no better, that all the worlds problems could be fixed in 30 short minutes (minus commericals....so really what? 20 minutes?).

The cynic I've become rolled my eyes and thought "Yeah. Like it's that easy." but then, within almost the same heartbeat, I thought "I'm glad the kids are watching wholesome shows with good morals and values."

I wish they would bring back some of the other shows from my growing up years and put them in the channels the kids are watching (and not in the middle of the night). Growing Pains, Family Ties, The Cosby Show, Facts of Life, etc. A good, healthy dose of morals and values instead of the crap they call "kid friendly TV" now.

Rock on, Joey and Uncle Jesse, rock on!

Now I just want a way to solve all my problems in 30 minutes. :)

Is It Really Only Wednesday?

2011-11-16T16:43:00.001-08:00

It's been a crazy week. I feel like I say that a lot. I do, don't I? Well - it HAS been and the kicker is, it's only half way through. Half way. That just feels like the Universe is being mean. *sigh* (But then there is the whole "wishing my life away" which I absolutely do not want to do. Time is going fast enough, thankyouverymuch.)

Regular every day stuff plus medical appointments (don't get me started), plus PTO stuff, plus holiday stuff, plus...plus...plus. I am feeling very much like I haven't sat down to relax in days. Even my sleep is filled with anxiety over all I have on my plate right now.

You know what I really, really want to do? No - it's not help the kids hang their bazillion Disneyland photos all over their walls (though I am doing that.....not sure whose idea that was. I'm thinking photos, neatly presented in a photo album, would have been the way to go. Since that ship sailed, I'm thinking Dakota helping to remove the bazillion photos when the time comes (you know, *before* the tape degrades and leaves residue on the walls) would be good. (Yep - that's a BIG hint. I know you are reading this. *grin*). No - it's not making dinner (which I have to come up with soon). Nope - not even folding the laundry that is begging for attention. Guess again...it's not even breaking up the fight that is erupting over the roll of tape for hanging photos.
What I would like to do, more than anything right now, is pull out some comfy winter pajamas, curl up with a couple body pillows under my nice fluffy comforter and flip on the TV. Tune out the world, my responsibilities and my worries.

I said it is what I would LIKE to do....sadly, it isn't even close to what I am GOING to do. Nope - that would be taking care of the various needs and desires of my children, laundry, dinner, dishes, straightening, etc. The list is long. It always is.

And I'm tired. I always am. :) I've been tired since 2001 when the stick changed colors to show Kelton was on his way and there is no sign of that changing.

Nor would I want it to change....truth be told.

Raise Your Hand

2011-11-15T12:13:00.000-08:00

Raise your hand high in the air if you have my blog listed on your blog reader feed or click through from Facebook!

Falling Leaves

2011-11-14T12:29:00.000-08:00

The leaves are falling like crazy. Need proof? Ok - but it will come in the form of written proof. I'm just too lazy to go make a movie, upload it, find a host for it and then post it. :)

I present Exhibit A:
Friday the kids and I spent an hour raking up the leaves in the front yard and putting the piles into yard waste bags. From there, we loaded the bags into the car and drove down the street to empty the bags into the huge container which the city provides one weekend a year for leaf collection (I live in a VERY leafy neighborhood). Yes, the kids jumped in the massive amount of leaves in the container until I told them we had to leave. (HA! Leave...leaves...leaf....funny! I think I'm starting to lose it. *grin*)

Then, we went home. I put the rakes away and folded up the bags and put them away for the next time. It was starting to sprinkle. I closed up the garage, went into the house and folded a load of laundry.

The next time I looked out the window I saw that the rain, and leaves, were falling hard and the yard was *covered* in brightly colored leaves. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!

I mentioned the wind to the kids and they stood up to look out the window. Kelton looked at me with a defeated look on his face and said "Why did we even bother to do all that work?"

I have no clue, buddy. None.

*sigh*

I love fall, I love fall, I love fall.

Just trying to remind myself. :)

11-11-11

2011-11-11T13:33:00.000-08:00

It's November 11th which means, besides Veteran's Day, it's time to deck the halls.

Oh stop cringing. If you had holiday crazed kids, you do it, too. :)

Yesterday afternoon Kelton decided he was brave enough to get up into the garage attic to retrieve the Christmas boxes. The high schooler that I have been paying to do things like this sprained his knee and has to have it immobilized for two weeks. The kids wanted no part of waiting two weeks and well...I don't blame them. So Kelton gathered his courage and hoisted himself into attic.

I have a 6 ft ladder but it's a good 2 feet more to the ceiling - which is a good sized leap of faith for a 9 year old. More so for coming down than going up.

Very proudly, he worked and worked and pulled the bins to the edge of the opening so I could grab them and pull them down. We got everything and then it was time for him to come down.

He freaked out. I tried to talk him through it - told him I was right there and I wouldn't let him fall (knowing full well it was quite possible we would both end up hurt but no good would come from telling him that). Nothing doing. I called a neighbor to see if she had a taller ladder. She didn't. She suggested calling another neighbor but I really didn't want to. I tried with Kelton again. Still nothing doing.

I went out on the driveway and saw the son of one of my other neighbors (the one the first neighbor suggested I call) so I yelled out asking if his dad was home. Casey popped his head out from where he was in the yard and I quickly explained my situation and over he came. See...Casey is a firefighter so rescuing is something he is trained to do. Thank goodness.

He climbed up the ladder, explained to Kelton what he would do, talked him into getting on his tummy and sliding towards the exit. Kelton did as instructed and with seconds, he had his feet on the floor.

He and I were both very relieved.

We gave our thanks, and Casey headed home. It sure is good to have neighbors who are looking out for the kids and I. It really does help me feel safer here alone with them. I have good neighbors and I am very thankful for that.

So - this morning, the kids and I brought in a box at a time and they happily and excitedly unpacked everything. The "OH WOW! Remember THIS?" flew about. I stood back and let them go at it. They decided where they wanted things (a lot of stuff has had a regular "home" for their entire lives so they put much of it in the places I would have) and I just let them have at it. I wish I could say I felt the excitment, but I didn't. I had hoped that would be different this year. It isn't. I talked with Stephanie a bit ago and lamented how I was feeling so she and I are going to try hard to create some new memories together. I think that will help because right now, I feel very much like I have a blank slate and just need to start over.

I nixed some of the stuff and either got it ready to donate, put it aside for Dakota, or just put it away for another year. Many of the things my grandmother gave me, or made, is put away. I just wasn't feeling it this year and well...as it turns out, you really CAN have too many needlepoint decorations hanging around.

I pulled out the Santa photos and a few other Christmas portraits and put those up. I have to say, the kids Santa pictures and portraits are probably my favorite decorations. I love seeing how they were and how they have changed. The memories flood in; first Christmas', second Christmas'.... My favorite photo of all is the one of the two of them when Kaylen was 22 months old. She was having a FIT over Santa and we had to take her shoes off because she kept kicking him. It's hysterical! Dakota thought I was mean for making her do it but I knew that A) she wouldn't remember and B) it would be an awesome photo to have. I was so right. :)

You know you want to see it. :)

Santa freaked her out for years! In another photo (the next year's) Santa had to sneak in behind the kids, as they sat on a bench, so he could even be in the photo. The poor man had made the tragic error of walking into the room prior to the photo and Kaylen saw him. After the photo, he had to sneak back out of the room and hide from her. I'm pretty sure everyone there that day remembers the epic freak out. I have to say though, Santa and his staff handled it like pros!

So - the house is decorated. The kids would have loved to put the tree up today but no way am I going to trip over a tree taking up half the living room for 6 weeks. I'll pull it out and set it up with them the first week in December. Besides - it gives us something to look forward to.

Loving this song...and all it means

2011-11-08T17:15:00.000-08:00

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes,
they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

The Weekend

2011-11-07T11:08:00.001-08:00

Friday morning, after the kids had gone to school and before Stephanie left for work and I got down to the brass tacks about my day, we were talking about the weekend (child-free) and what we wanted to do. We decided on dinner and a movie and even went so far as to pin down the movie time. Then, out of the blue, a seagull flew above us and a conversation about seagulls, stormy weather and the beach took flight. Stephanie looked up the weather in Seaside and said "It's cold and rainy in Seaside." I said something flip like "Well....at least we aren't there getting wet and cold." Of course, anyone who really knows me knows I would rather be wet and cold and at the beach then just about any other place on earth.

She looked at me. Long and hard. I could see the wheels spinning. I asked what she was thinking and finally, she said "Let's go to the beach."

My head started spinning. It's not as easy as just picking up and leaving. There is a dog sitter to arrange, reservations to make, a run down of my To Do list to go over. Could we pull this off?

I said "I don't know if we can." Which was met with "Call the pet sitter. Please?"

I did. No answer. Called the other one. Left a message. No promises, I said.

She left for work and I promised to call when I knew something.

I got ready to go to the school to work on the current fundraiser when the phone started ringing. Pet sitter #1. She would be happy to stay with the animals. I called the hotel. No ocean front rooms since it was a big convention weekend but they had a loft room with a view. I booked it. I called Stephanie: we were on!

I ran to the school and got done what I needed. I came back home and cleaned, organized and pack for myself as well as the children for their weekend with Dakota. I was knee deep is "have to's" when a text arrived from Stephanie. She was very excited about leaving and could we go early? I wasn't sure. I called Dakota with a plan of dropping the kids at her house on the way through Portland. She was very agreeable. I wrote back to Stephanie and plans moved forward.

Kids arrived home from school and I told them of the plans. We organized their stuff and then waited for Stephanie to arrive from work. She had to swing by her house to get some stuff and arrived around 4pm. We packed the car, jumped in it and started on our way.

We dropped the kids off and as they settled in, Stephanie and I hit the road. Because of the time, and the fact that we were just ahead of rush hour, we made good time getting through Portland and out on the Sunset Highway.

It didn't take long at all (of course, great conversation really does pass time quickly) and we were pulling into Seaside. We stopped and had dinner at the Pig 'n Pancake and then off to check into our hotel.

It was one of those perfect weekends. Our own time schedule (or lack thereof) and lots of time for holding hands, walking, talking, dreaming and scheming.

I have discovered lately....or rather, rediscovered, my love of photography. It's been years since I really picked up the camera for anything other than photos of the kids and I really had a great time this weekend getting some really amazing shots. I clearly need to look through the camera lens more often. :)

It was an absolutely perfect weekend that was totally spur of the moment. A great way to celebrate a year of loving.

Monday, Monday

2011-11-07T08:21:00.001-08:00

Dear Zip,

I know you love me. I know that you truly appreciate when, at 5AM, I slide open the sliding glass door in my bedroom and leave it open a bit so you can come and go as you enjoy the your early morning stroll about the neighborhood. I know this. Truly I do.

This means, of course, that there is no need to thank me with a dead bird in my doorway and feathers scattered down the hallway.

Really. No gifts are necessary. I do what I do for you out of the kindness of my heart......and yes, my desire for a bit more sleep. See...letting you out means I can drift in and out of sleep for another hour without you climbing on my head, batting at the picture frames on the wall, knocking over stacks of books from my dresser or stealing small objects and hiding them goodness knows where. I guess you could say you don't need to thank me AT ALL because letting you outside to roam has completely selfish motives on my part.

So stop with the dead birds, k?

It's yucky. And sad. And definitely not what I want to wake up to on a Monday morning.

Love,
Your Human Mom

My New BFF's

2011-11-02T18:19:00.000-07:00

Ok - so I'll just ruin the suspense for you - I don't have new best "people" friends. That would be way too radical for me. You know, I prefer the few close friends I have because, as I have found out in life, too many friends leave you wide open for hurts too many to mention. I went the "big circle of friends" route and learned that it isn't for me. Close friends, few in numbers, are what works best in real life for me. Judge if you want ....I don't care. :)

Anyway.....the exciting part about my new friends is that they rock. They will help me get healthier and feel better. Almost like a work-out buddy...only not so sweaty. :) This, in addition to the added walking I am trying to put in place on a regular basis, is going to help me be my best "me".

Behold my new friends:

Yes, people....they are water cups WITH STRAWS! I know, I know...I am a million years behind the trend but I'm trending now, aren't I? :) For the past couple of years, I have gazed longingly at this type of cup but I could never force myself to hand over the cold, hard cash. They are, after all, just cups. With lids and straws.

I had a metal water bottle. I had glasses. I had water. I could drink as much water as I wanted. I didn't need no stinkin' water cup with a straw.

HA!

I'm such a fool.

Glasses of liquid don't work in my house. They get left on the coffee table, knocked over and/or ignored. They don't travel well from location to location as I move about the house. Actual metal water bottles are hard for me. The pop tops make for weird suction and if I have the screw top ones, it seems like too much trouble. Plastic water bottles? Forget it. Rarely have them. I mean...I *HAVE* filtered water, glasses and metal water bottles, right? Yeah but......the water rarely got inside me.

Which is crazy because I love water. It was clearly just too much trouble.

Last week, on my stolen beach days with Stephanie, I found a really cute water cup WITH A STRAW and I thought to myself "Screw it! I'm getting it!" Then I found an even cuter one...for less money. So I bought that one, too.

Then the fun began. I washed them and filled one up and BAM! Within seconds, the entire cup full was inside me. WHOA! Where did the water go? I refilled and BAM! Again!

Ah ha! These weren't splurge purchases! I had just made an investment in my health and well-being. (Yep - I can rationalize it any way I want. It has me drinking water...and a LOT of water all day long! I'm good with it.)

And ever since that fateful day, when water cups with straws entered my life, I have consumed more water than coffee (which is HUGE, thankyouverymuch). I have consumed so much water that I fear my poor water filter is going to flash red any day now to tell me it needs to be changed. But it's worth it. Water is good for me. I am drinking it all the live long day. Seriously. It's 6:30pm and I just sucked down another TWO cups. (I'll be peeing all night but I don't care....you now...until 2:00 in the morning when I'm silently cursing my new cups.)

And I really, really, really love my water cups with straws. :)

October Photos

2011-11-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

Just a few minutes ago, I decided to download the pictures from this past weekend from my regular camera so I thought "What the heck...let me bore the people with pictures of my life."

No need to thank me. It's just a special service I provide for you. Because, you know, I'm like that. :)

Kaylen (with an appearance of a neighbor friend) in the leaves:

Carving Pumpkins and other fun:

Balancing books on her head....you know, like a princess. :)

This says "Kelton loves you so much." He was so proud of it - and it made my heart soar! :)

Kaylen with the dogs. Who knows what they were up to. She must have had some food. Kelton took this one. :)

Some more from last night.....because, you know, I think I have the cutest kids in the world. :)

And finally - the decorations. While sparse in numbers this year, I was still deliriously happy to pack them away this morning. :)

So there you have it....the last few days of October all wrapped up neatly in photos. :)

You're welcome. :)

And That's a Wrap.

2011-10-31T20:52:00.001-07:00

Halloween 2011 is officially over and done. The door is locked, the light is off and, most importantly, the children are sound asleep.

It was a good night - which it always is (and yet, that doesn't make me like Halloween any more than I already don't). This year, I had Harry Potter and a Mermaid with me and they had a great time!

First off, we drove over to see their grandma who ooohhhed and aaahhhhhed appropriately over them. From there, we drove back to our neighborhood...kinda. Two blocks down and one over...because our block never has lights on and the one we went to is full of school friends and, most importantly, poch lights that are on. Sure enough, within 4 houses, we hooked up with a classmate of Kelton and the three kids became a "pack". They had a great time and laughed and laughed as they went from house to house. I had a good time talking with the mom, whom I know, and waving at other parents I know from the school.

The evening was quite chilly and while the kids didn't think twice about not wearing a coat, I was bundled up. Thanks to the titanium rod in my spine, I get VERY cold, VERY quickly. By the time we were done, I was frozen through and through and wishing for some new fangled new back surgery or something that would make my back more "user friendly". A pipe dream to be sure but a nice dream none the less.

Within an hour, we were back home and the kids were sorting through their goodies.

Both are thrilled.

I will have to say, though, that the best time for all of us came after we arrived home. We were back in plenty of time to answer the door for tons of kids. Kelton and Kaylen had so much fun handing out candy and Kaylen has decided that next year she would like to stay out only 30 minutes and spend the rest of the evening handing out candy. Kelton? Well - he wants to spend even MORE time going door to door. :)

Next up: November. Ready or not....here we go.

Confession Time

2011-10-31T16:12:00.001-07:00

It's Halloween!

The pumpkins are carved, the costumes at the ready. The house is festive and the candy basket is full to overflowing. I'm ready. Well....as ready as I will ever be because I have a confession: I HATE Halloween.

Yes. You read that right. Hate it. With a passion.

All of it. The decorations, which I would have been all too happy to skip this year had it not been for my Halloween loving children. The massive amounts of sugar that my children consume for weeks. The teenagers who come knocking at the door, even after the porch light goes out. The traipsing around the neighborhood and over to the kid's grandmother's house. Though honestly? I do like that part. I enjoy visiting with Dakota's mom. I miss her. But the rest of it? I could easily do without.

It's days like this that makes me envious of Travel Jobs that would get me out of all the festivities.

As an adult, I have never enjoyed dressing up and can count on two fingers how many times I have. Sure, the kids are adorable....or gruesome, depending on the costume of choice. This year I have a mermaid and Harry Potter. At least they are cute. And I do enjoy their excitement....you know, until it exceeds epic proportions. After that point, I'm ready to stick us all in our beds, pull the covers up tight and wait until the day passes into the next.

November 1st, as it does every year, will find me happily putting away the ghosts and goblin decorations. Thanksgiving is the same for me. I'd just as soon skip it. And this year? So far, I'm not even excited for Christmas. Right now it feels like a daunting undertaking. I have two things tucked away so far. I need to get moving but find I just can't.

Personally, I can't believe tomorrow is November 1st. The leaves on the ground, and falling in a rapid pace, scream that we are deep into autumn. I just can't believe it's this time of year already. Halloween heralds the holiday season. From today on, it's a fast slide into Christmas. Maybe that's why I don't like it. I'm never ready to face the stress and craziness of the holiday season. Who planned this calendar we have? Why the need to scrunch three major events into a 7 week window? I mean seriously...wouldn't trick or treating be more fun if you could actually SEE the costumes instead of coats, rain jackets, umbrella's or...as is evidenced on the East Coast right now, snow suits? All in favor of moving Halloween to mid-summer, raise your hand! :)

Not that anyone asked me.....so Iwill stop grumbling, plaster a smile to my face and say:

Happy Halloween!! (and wish like crazy I was still at the beach......)

Loving the Beach!

2011-10-31T13:17:00.001-07:00

School Photos

2011-10-28T12:32:00.001-07:00

Unbelievable! They did it again! No matter what I keep saying over and over, these babies of mine have gone and grown up even more. Just look at this:

Kelton James
Fourth Grade

Kaylen Lane
First Grade

Saturday

2011-10-22T06:37:00.001-07:00

My babies should be hitting the open skies in about 5 minutes. It's surreal to think of them in a plane, way above the earth, without me. The thought of them hurling through time and space is enough to make ME want to hurl. Not that they haven't flown before. Not that I have an irrational fear of flying. No - it's just because I am not there to.....to do what exactly? Protect them?

See? I know it's crazy but still - I have anxiety about them flying without me there.

Yes. They are with their other mother. Yes. They are safe. Yes. I trust her with them. You know.....in the way that I trust anyone with pieces of my heart and soul.

I know they are going to have an amazing time. I mean, how can one go to Disneyland and NOT have fun? I also have no illusion. I know this will be a week full of moments...good and not good... for all of them. The kids have never spent an entire week alone with Dakota. Dakota has never spent an entire week with them. And neither has Vicki. I know my kids. I know there will be....moments....when it's a tough go for all of them.

I wish the grown ups patience, understanding and the ability to remember what it was like to be 9 and 6 and in a land of magic and excitement. I wish the children grace and thoughtfulness to realize what a huge gift they are being given and to be gracious and, above all else, happy and easy to be with.

I wish all four of them a great time.

And I wish for me to get through these days until I can hold my children in my arms again. Because see....*I* have never been without them for a week. Not once in their entire lives.

So that is that - they are in the air on the way to the Happiest Place on Earth and in a while, Stephanie and I will be on our way to the beach. Just a day trip but the beach none the less. I LOVE THE BEACH!!

I'm excited and really looking forward to exploring Cannon Beach without children. I have never spent time at the beach without the children.

I guess we are all spreading our wings a bit.

Finally!

2011-10-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

After months of the anguish of trying to grow Kaylen's hair longer, we finally hit a milestone this morning. LOOK!

She has ponytails!!

And I have a much, much older looking child. It's wild and crazy how changing her glasses and hair style have changed how she looks.

Adorable. If I do say so myself and well...since she is my mini-me, I'm going to say it. Again. ADORABLE! :)

How did the long hair experience begin? A friend of hers in kindergarten had long blonde hair and thus began her love affair with long, blonde hair. Oh wait. That's not true. Long blonde hair was a big deal from her from about 18 months on when only blonde hair dolls would do. It was disturbing for me but we made it through that odd, odd stage. Anyway.....Ella brought the love of long hair into reality for Kaylen.

I took a long, deep breath and agreed to let her grow it out. It. Has. Driven. Me. Crazy.

I do not like long hair. I do not like long hair on little girls. I know. I'm in the minority but I'm ok with that. It's fine as long as their hair stays neat and tidy but that means the little girl is not running around being a child. Messy long hair? Drives me nuts.

Kaylen's hair is thick. Unruly. Wavy. Curly. It's hard to handle. There have been some days I have fought the urge to put something akin to scorpion helmets on her just to hide the mop of messy hair.

But today. Oh but today! Today we put in pony tails and I see the allure of longer hair. She looks sooooo cute!

But you know what happened last night? Kaylen informed me that she doesn't want to grow it long anymore because *insert drum roll here* Ella cut off her long hair and is now sporting a short bob! So now? Now she wants a bob.

Did you know that differences in hair texture is a topic that is completely lost on a 6 year old? You do now. Oy.

Our hairstylist really wanted to do a bob last time Kaylen was in for a trim but she didn't want Kaylen to freak out of it felt shorter. Any guesses what I will be taking her in for once she returns from Disneyland? :)

But oh, oh, oh....she is so cute with ponytails. :)

And Then There Were Two

2011-10-17T10:04:00.001-07:00

From three happy cats:

To two:

On Friday, Andi left this world and made her journey to Kitty Heaven. In the 12 years she was with me (Dallas and Andi were 2 when we adopted them), she snuck in and stole my heart....my pillow...and the side of my bed. She slept beside me every single night and I am going to miss her forever.

I love you, my sweet Andi.

Tis the Season

2011-10-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

It may LOOK like autumn out there. The leaves are falling from the trees in a way that reminds me of falling snow. The grass has returned to it's green color and is in desperate need of mowing (can I tell you how much I have enjoyed *not* mowing it since late July when it stopped growing?). Houses around me have been made festive with Halloween decorations. However, my mind has already left October and is residing in December as thoughts of Christmas fills my head. Wondering what it will look like this year. How I will swing fulfilling Christmas wishes of my two amazing children. I have started dreaming and scheming of what I can do to pull a Christmas miracle out of my hat. Kaylen locked in her Santa wish months ago but Kelton is still going back and forth. It's a hard place to be - encouraging him to dream while guiding him to ideas that won't break the bank. I want them both to think outside the box.....maybe think about unusual christmas gifts though I don't really have a clear vision of what that would look like.

It should be interesting to see what they can come up with....but I need to get them working on it because I read on someones FB post yesterday that it's a mere 10 weeks away and if miracles are going to happen, I need as much time as possible.

On another note: They leave for Disneyland bright and early Saturday morning. They will be gone almost a full week. It will the longest time span I have ever been away from them. So weird but I know they are going to have a great time and make memories that will last them a lifetime. Sad for me but over the top happy for them!

Pumpkin Patch 2011

2011-10-15T19:48:00.001-07:00

The kids and I made our annual Pumpkin Patch trip today. They had a great time!

Duck Races!

Feeding the goats.

I love this face to face shot! :)

Kelton's new thing is trying to look unaffected by photo taking. As he said " I want to have that look of I'm looking somewhere else or that I'm thinking something important." Believe it or not - he approved this photo taking and actually posed for it. :)

Pumpkin Launch!

Lost in the corn maze. It was incredibly muddy but we had a good time and we actually made it out! :)

See? Proof we made it to the exit.

There is that "far away, thinking of something else, aren't I oh so cool" look that Kelton has adopted. :)

But look! One good shot of my boy! :)

Cleaning off their pumpkins before we call it a day and head home.

It was a fun trip and we all had a good time. :)

Eye Doctor Revisited....Again

2011-10-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

Kaylen had her three month recheck at the eye doctor again. The best of the best news is that the patching is working!!! Her eyes are beginning to work as a team and the eye doctor was very pleased with her progress. She has a ways to go yet but it's progress! Her depth perception went from being able to find 3 things on his special chart (with special 3D glasses)in July to being able to find all NINE today! Numbers 7, 8, and 9 were hard won but SHE DID IT!

I am so proud of her!

The not so great news is that she once again needs a stronger prescription. Since her lenses are starting to resemble coke bottles (which, in turn, magnify her eyes), I'm having them use the high end lenses which will squash it down and reduce the magnification of her eyes without affecting the correction. It's worth it. I remember when she got her first pair and I learned of where she is heading; that eye doctor suggested we start a savings account to help offset the cost of the more expensive lenses. As he said "Glasses aren't tease-worthy anymore but magnified eyes will definitely put her in the line of teasing." This is why both eye doctors have recommended I think about contacts for her once we get down the road a bit. I'm not sure where I land on that topic. Time will tell.

Kaylen had her eyes super dilated today, too. After 40 minutes we went back for the second part of the exam. They had one of those fancy schmancy eye computers measure her eyes and then he gave her another exam. It revealed just a tiny bit of a difference between the non-dilated exam and the dilated one. I'm glad he did the dilation though - always better to have a good idea of where we are heading. Kaylen was a trooper and even though the eye doctor had warned she would want to go home and veg out after her appointment, my little rock star insisted on going back to school. She is an amazing little girl and I am so, so proud of her!

We will be back at the eye doctor in three more months for another recheck. Good thing I really like her eye doctor (he is so great with her!) because I have a feeling I am going to be seeing a lot of him. :)

Innocence Lost

2011-10-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

Ummm...I would be talking about *my* innocence.

Now get up out of that gutter you are in because no, that is *not* what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about my "cat innocence". For those of you with cats, you just might understand without my going any further but just for the fun of it, let me go on.

My house was the scene of a murder cover up today. Never, ever, ever in all my years of being owned by cats (because, let's face it...no one owns a cat. They own you) have I had to deal with murder scene clean up. That all ended about an hour ago, thanks to a ~~it's a~~ wonder ~~he's still alive because he drives me to the brink of sanity~~ cat named Zip.

Zip is a cat the defies (almost) all other cats that I have ever lived with before. He is W.I.L.D. He is a year old now and goes outside. However, without permission he has been leaving the yard in favor of adventure in neighboring backyards. He comes when he is called and never stays out for too long. But...out and about he is. Daily. This leaving the yard is a departure from (almost all) my other cats who have always been content to stay within the confines of the backyard. The exception was Taz....who is the one for whom I broke my back trying to rescue when she left the yard. Ironic that Taz and Zip both have crazy-ass names? No...not so much.

Anyway...he has been out and about for months without incident. Well. Until today.

It might be helpful for you to know that I leave the sliding glass door off the kitchen open a bit during the day so dogs and cats can wander in and out at will. Keep that in mind.

So.....I was busy working a while ago when I needed to get something from the back of the house. I went back there and, in the dim light of the hallway, I saw something all over the floor. And there was Zip - stretched out in the middle of the area between the three bedrooms. "What the....?!?!" I thought to myself. "Did Zip find the dryer lint?" I stood there feeling confused. Then I took a step forward and my eyes fell upon..........OH MY GOD! A dead bird! Right next to Zip on the floor. IN my house. A freaking DEAD bird! WHAT THE HELL?????

My mind raced. And froze. All at once.

How? Why? WHAT?!?!?!

Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

I turned quickly and left Zip and his.......what? His prize? His victim?...on the floor. I had to think. I had to try to figure out what to do. Dead things and me? Not a good mix. Not at all.

I pulled my phone from my back pocket and hit the number that instantly connects me to Stephanie. She answered and I choke out "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" She listened to me as the story spilled out and then said with a small laugh in her voice "At least it wasn't a bunny." (She is used to dealing with dead things, living in the country and all.) Well - yeah. Good point. That would have KILLED me! (Bunnies are all over the place out at Stephanie's. Thankfully, they are not plentiful around here. I LOVE bunnies.) She gave her sage advice: pretend it's poop and pick it up with a paper towel and toss it in the garbage. Ugh. Yeah...I have to deal with it. And the massive amount of feathers on the floor.

I gathered all my courage, three paper towels and a plastic bag (because there is NO WAY I am risking touching that thing), took a deep breath and headed to the back of the house.

There was Zip. Tossing that poor dead thing around and pouncing on it. He was in dead-bird heaven....and I fought back the urge to toss my cookies. I scared off Zip, held my breath and snatched up the dead bird and raced it outside and tossed it into the trash. EEEEWWWWWW!!!!

I got out the vacuum and cleaned up the feathers.

O.M.G.

This is the first time in the 28 years of living with cats that I have had to deal with a murder at the paws of a cat but I have a feeling this is not the last dead thing that Zip will drop on me in his lifetime.

Oh joy.

BARF!

Anyone was to give a good home to a sweet, rambunctious, bird killing cat?

Just kidding. Sorta.

Random Ramblings

2011-10-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

I have seriously had a headache for the past 4 days. Not just an irritating headache that can be easily ignored. A pounding, sometimes searing, eyes hurting, blurry vision, neck stiff and sore headache.

No - I don't have meningitis.

What I do have is syringomyelia. And headaches are par for the course. Driving for hours will set it into motions. Weather changes will set it into motion. Lifting more weight than I should will set it into motion. Hell- breathing, at times, can set it into motion.

It's swell.

What is it? In a nutshell, for those not familiar with my tale of woe, I have a syrinx that runs a good long distance of my spinal cord. They say it is trauma related but I am at odds about which trauma caused it. They say breaking my back 11 years prior to the syrinx discovery did it. I say the botched spinal for Kaylen's birth (months prior to symptoms and two years prior to definitive diagnosis) did it. Either way - it doesn't matter. It's there and it's no fun.

A syrinx is created by something puncturing the spinal column. The puncture allows spinal fluid to enter the spinal column and created a cyst type fluid filled cavity that changes (for the worse)based on many factors. The spinal column houses the nerves to your entire body. The fluid puts pressure on the nerves and cause a host of symptoms...and a whole lot of pain. Some days worse than others. The worst case scenario of syringomyelia? You know, besides death, is paralysis. There is no cure. It is so not awesome. (this is a photo I found on the web. That black oval shape in the spinal cord is a syrinx.)

Anyway - lesson over. Hit goggle if you want more info. :)

So the headache is making life challenging this week. I don't let it stop me. I can't. I refuse to. I know that some days I should, because resting will help settle down flare-ups but I just don't have the time or the patience to sit still for long. Sleeping with constant pain is hard to do. Being tired makes it hard to cope. A vicious cycle, but there it is.

This leads me to this point: I didn't sleep last night. Maybe an hour or two but nothing solid. So while I was laying there awake many thoughts traipsed across my mind. The normal stresses, of course, but also trivial things like...in the house I finally end up living in (for what I would like to think is the rest of my very long life) I would really like to have something like quick step laminate flooring. I'm done with wall to wall carpeting. Sure, it's warm and cozy and reduces echo but I am so sick of carpet that holds onto stains - and smells. I want an easy clean wood laminate floor with area rugs. Want to change the look of a room? Switch out the area rug. Rug has a huge ugly stain? Change it out.

I have wanted wood laminate flooring for years and years. Imagine how much easier dog accidents would have been to clean up. Spilled milk from the kids. Muddy paw prints from the animals. All so much easier to clean. And maybe it's me but I think wood laminate floors make a house feel bigger.

Whenever I hear the commercials for "buy two rooms of flooring and we will do the entire house for the same cost", I always stop in my tracks and start dreaming. How much would that cost? It sounds so enticing. Not that I have the money but honestly? I'm willing to bet it would make this house easier to sell when/if that time comes.

My brother's house has wood laminate floors and I love it! Sure, you need to be sure everyone has slippers to keep their feet warm but still....the overall look and feel of a house with wood laminate flooring is really great.

So now you know....when I have a splitting headache and can't sleep, I think about really odd things. :)

And for the record, I'm really ready for this headache to go away.

2011-10-05T06:47:00.001-07:00

"The moment you can visualize being free from the things that hold you back, you have indeed begun to set yourself free." -Unknown

Tuesday

2011-10-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

Yep. Still here. Thanks for checking. :)

I've been busier than a bee but then- what else is new and aren't we all? I've decided that the faster time goes, the more stuff I have to figure out how to squeeze into my days. It's exhausting.

In addition to all my job searching and home-based work that needs to be done (Home-based work. I'm thinking of adding that to my resume. Maybe it will get me IN the door before I have to explain that it means laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, overseeing homework, constant pet care, constant child care......truly, being at home *is* its own little home-based business. Just one that I don't need a small business equipment lease to run.), I am also up to my eyeballs in PTO work. Thankfully, once this week is over, it should slow down for me a bit. You know..until the next week when there is another meeting. But it's all good. It gives me the feeling of being needed and successful outside of my parenting role. Both feelings that I neeeeeeed.

If only it paid.

But that's that.
Real life.
The hard stuff.

In the mix there, I also got to have some fun. We need fun to be able to survive, don't you think? Anyway.....Stephanie, all three kids, and I took a weekend trip to meet my 9 week old niece (who actually just turned 10 weeks yesterday). I haven't been up to see my family since the quick baby shower trip in June and it was good to "go home" again. I love driving through Seattle - well, you know, not the actual driving through, but I do love the feeling of being "home". But the best feelings? Holding that tiny miracle and seeing the kids holding a real miracle right in their arms. And introducing the woman I love to my family. Not necessarily in that order. :)

The kids had been brimming over with excitement for the week leading up to the trip and it was so cute to watch them fall all over themselves to scramble out of the car and race to the front door. They couldn't wait to get their hands on baby Madeleine. Neither could I.

Bliss!

The trip up was really good but, as always, way too short. Way. Too. Short.

And now it's back to reality. Back to the hard stuff. Back to trying to create calm in the chaos that is my life.

2011-10-04T07:57:00.001-07:00

Where Do You Go To Find Your Soul?

2011-09-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

In an effort to...oh I don't know....regain my balance a bit ago, I cleaned. I didn't mean to but after my last post I went into the kitchen to put my coffee cup away and I noticed the sink needed a good bleach-induced scrubbing and the window above the sink needed to be washed. And under the microwave? Really needed to be swept clean of the crumbs and whatnot that accumulate under there. So....I got busy. I scrubbed and I wiped and I had a good internal meltdown. It's what I do; I clean. Or maybe it's what I used to do, once upon a time a few years ago. Because if you used the "stress + anxiety + meltdown= cleaning" formula, you would be hard-pressed to know I have had any of the above happening lately. But I used to clean to fight my internal demons. Clearly I switched into that mode for a while today.

And then, after, I opened up my laptop and went to Facebook to catch up before moving onto other things. I have a blog "liked", Single Dad Laughing so I see whenever he puts up a new post. I clicked over onto his blog and futzed around a bit. Lo and behold, I found this posting from yesterday: Finding My Soul on the Mountain.

So worth the read. Good timing. Perfect time. But then, I guess there are no accidents, right?

It got me thinking: Where do I go to find my soul?

At first I immediately thought "I don't. I couldn't find peace if it slammed me in the face.: But the more I read the clearer it became: the beach. The ocean. The waves. The violence of the waves crashing allows everything inside me to settle. I breathe deep the salty air and as I do, it relaxes me. I can stand on a balcony overlooking the ocean for a long, long time just watching, listening and breathing.

So while Dan might go to the mountains, I go to the ocean. I need the ocean.

Where do you go to find your soul?

September 22

2011-09-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

I know it's been days since I last posted but I have a reason...wait. No. Just an excuse.

I'm in the Land of Funk.

I think I'm PMSing (yeah I know...TMI but I don't really care). Need proof? Take for instance: the changes over in Facebook Land. They so don't make me happy and yet - I realize in that in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. And yet - it seems and feels terribly important. The job hunt has me slightly (!) on edge. My goal has been 4-6 applications a day. I have hit that goal every day since setting it. I know it's still early for those to pan out since weeks and weeks can go by before hearing a word...you know, IF I hear a word. I am even in contact with an agency who works with "hard to place people". Such a f-d up way to look at yourself. Hard to place.

I know in just a couple weeks via my annual Social Security report, the Federal Government will again remind me I am worth a big fat zero. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. It's funny but until the past few years, those reports didn't really bother me because I knew I was doing something ultra-important: raising future adults. Now, though my job with the children is the same (raising them to be fully functioning, happy, well-adjusted adults) my lack of worth hits like a hammer and brings me to my knees.

We all know that if stay at home moms received paychecks, they would be higher than an average paycheck for an average worker...plus overtime. I also know that the skills I have honed in the 9.5 years since Kelton arrived on the planet, in addition to the ones I had prior to that (you know - the same skills that made me a highly qualified and an in-demand employee who was recruited into the last position I held), should make me an excellent candidate.

I have no doubt that 5 years ago I would have been snatched up. Five years ago. When the economy was different and well...when I had "only" been out 5 years. But five years ago I had a 4 year old and a 1 year old who I was solely responsible for more days and nights than not and I had a partner who agreed with the advantage of my being at home with them. I thought those days were hard. They were, in retrospect, a walk in the park.

I'm grumbling and moaning, I know. I don't expect poor you's and don't need any self-righteous ideas and thoughts on my life. I'm just venting before I explode and lucky you - you get to read it. Or not. No one is forcing you to.

Remember a post I had a while back about Polaroids vs Portraits? This is a snapshot of my mindset at this very moment. It is NOT indicative of anything else.

I know I am VERY lucky, fortunate, blessed and loved as well. It's just that in this moment, those feelings are in the background and the PMS monster has taken over. Right now I'm sad, defeated, frustrated and scared.

It happens.

(PS..I turned off comments. I really don't want any. I just wanted to vent. Thanks. I'm sure my brighter outlook-self will be back soon.)

Heart of the World

2011-09-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

I heart heart heart this song. I've listened to it so much since Wednesday that the kids even know the words now. :)

Heart Of The World
Tom Douglas / Scooter Caruso

Tin cans rattling the pavement
Confetti scattered everywhere
She falls asleep in the seat beside me
Rice caught up in her hair
I don't mind it, I keep driving
Flying on these wheels of steel
A bit anxious, a bit nervous
The moment's all we can feel

If oil is the soul of the engine
Then wine is the drink of the gods
Forgiveness the road to redemption
Faith can still beat the odds
We're meant to be
Baby hold on to me
You'll never not be my girl
Cause love is the heart of the world

I leave him sleeping as I rise early
Always up before the dawn
The house is dark but I see clearly
The kettle sings a morning song
The bacon's frying, baby's crying
I soak up the sights and sounds
Minutes turn to ...days and I
Wish that I could slow 'em down

If grease is the soul of the kitchen
And coffee the drink of the gods
Routine too perfect to mention
Time is a thief I would rob
We're meant to be
Baby hold on to me
I’ll never not be your girl
Cause love is the heart of the world

If hope is the soul of the dreamer
Then Heaven is the home of my God
It only takes one true believer
To believe you can still beat the odds
We're meant to be
Baby hold on to me
You'll never not be my girl

Never not be your girl
Cause love is the heart, love is the heart

Love is the heart of the world

Homework

2011-09-14T12:10:00.000-07:00

The topic is buzzing around the interwebs like crazy: homework and the hell on earth it creates for some children and parents.

The hours spent agonizing over rewriting five paragraphs. The tears. The tantrums. The stalling. The "needing a drink or snack" every ten minutes. The throwing of the pencils across the room. The parents, standing there, willing themselves not to bash their own heads against the wall. Willing themselves to stay calm. Breathe deep. Be understanding. And stand strong against the overwhelming desire to send a strongly worded email to the teacher telling them exactly what they can do with their homework assignments.

I am in that hell. And it's only the second full week of school.

Every day I hold my breath and hope he just breezes in, grabs a snack as he tells me about his day and then settled in to do his work.

And every day I hear "Can I just not do it today? I only have to do it four days a week - I think I'll skip today." For the record - this 4 days a week stuff is making it even harder than if they say "Nope - it's every day. Monday through Friday. Saturday and Sunday no homework." (Writing is every day but math and reading are 4 days a week.)

Every day I say "Nope. Sorry. Sit down and get to work, please."

Every day I say "Kelton? I'm serious. Get to work so we can move on to something else."

Every day I say "Yelling at me isn't going to make it go away or get it done."

Every day I say "Unlike last year, I'm not going to argue about your homework from the time you arrive home until the time you finally get it done. We're going to work on it as soon as you get home and then we can move on."

And everyday we argue about sitting down and doing his homework.

To his credit, I do feel like the level of homework is a bit too heavy for a 4th grader. Yesterday it took almost two hours for him to do his writing assignment. Then there was math. And 20 minutes of reading. I also can't help but feel fourth grade is when it really starts to matter. The weight of his workload feels....heavier. More serious. Like I'm worried about sick days and how we will make up the work that is bound to be sent home.

Fourth grade seems to be a new ballgame.

No longer is it a bit of homework every day (like reading). It's homework every day. Real homework.

And then on the flip side, I have Kaylen begging for homework. She has reading, of course, but it we don't officially begin logging until October. Which means she doesn't feel she needs to do it now and besides, reading isn't really homework, according to her. She wants HOMEWORK.

I don't. Because juggling two of them at the kitchen counter every afternoon sounds like more than I can do right now. I know my future. Kelton will say, as he looks over at Kaylen's work, "That's so easy. I can't believe you have that as homework." and Kaylen will burst into tears. She will say he is mean and she hates him. I will scold them both and try to get them back on task. Kelton will kick her under the counter edge where I can't see. Kaylen will scream and cry. Kelton will get reprimanded and Kaylen will be told she needs to not say mean things. Kelton will say "Yeah KAYLEN!" in his snottiest voice. Kaylen will burst into fresh tears.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Mommy will look for an adult beverage.

October can take it's time getting here, thankyouverymuch.

In the meantime, I have a child who took almost two hours to rewrite FIVE paragraphs. I will grant you, he needs writing and spelling homework. And I love the process his teacher is using it's just that, for Kelton (and me), it's like dragging a 6,000 boulder up the side of a mountain.

We finished the weeks writing assignment yesterday (Day 1 Create a visual web of your topic. Day 2 Write down an overview of your paper. Day 3 Write a draft of your paper. (insert weekend here - no homework) Day 4 Edit your draft for spelling, grammer and punctuation. Day 5 Rewrite your paper.) and today? Today we start all over. Ummm....yay?

It's going to a long year as far as homework is concerned.

Update on Stalling :)

2011-09-13T13:39:00.000-07:00

Ok - I got some things done and I'm leaving others for another day.

I straightened up the living room; cleaning up the toy corner (which I predict will stay clean only until.....oh let's say....4:00pm today), took bedroom toys back to the kids rooms and put them away. Folded and put away the load of laundry I had done and then got the idea of washing the couch blankets (I have a basket of blankets near the couch that the kids cuddle up under in the mornings and evenings. The dogs also end up cuddling on them. Eeew.) and the couch pillow covers.

From there I vacuumed the entire house and the couches and then...oh heck.....may as well clean the carpets in the main areas.

So...I made a dent in the To Do list for housework and I'm ok with that. Dents are good. The kids will be home in an hour and a half so I think I am going to make something for lunch and heat up a cup of coffee.

Life is good.

Stalling for Time

2011-09-13T11:35:00.000-07:00

I'm postponing the inevitable. I need to vacuum and I don't wanna. I need to straighten up the kids toy corner in the living room - it has taken on a life of it's own - and I don't wanna. I need to dust and I don't wanna.

It's a dark day and while the forecast promise sun and temps near 80, I seriously doubt that will happen. It's hard to be motivated when the dark days set in.

I did all that I needed to do this morning. It's the To Do list on the housework that hangs over my head. I don't wanna. Sometimes I don't see the point. The kids don't care and it's not like I'm trying to prove my worth to anyone anymore.

I will get it all done....but I don't wanna.

I might not get it all done today.

The nice thing about being where I am in my life, and having gone through what I have, I have let go of some of the OCD-ness I had when it came to the homes I created. Now, I walk by the dining room table and see the layer of dust and instead of feeling overwhelming guilt, I draw a smiley face and walk away. I look at the kitchen floor and think "Eh. I'll sweep and mop but I have no need to kill myself scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees." I see the kids beds, which they make themselves, and think "I should redo them so they are perfect." But I don't because what does that teach them? That their work isn't good enough? That's not a good lesson. (And see how easily I can justify not doing it?)

I mean really - it all just needs to be done again in a day...or a week..maybe two.

I wish I had realized how silly it was to kill myself before. How silly it was to think that that my worth was validated and appreciated by how clean and organized I kept things. Maybe I would have spent more time on the floor playing with my babies. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten so frustrated trying to juggle it all and trying to be seen as having it all together. Maybe I would have taken the kids to the park more often. Maybe I would have taken Kaylen to the zoo or the children's museum when Kelton was school full time. I always planned on it. There never seemed to be a good time. Too much to do. Too much waiting to be done. Too many balls to juggle.

I'm not saying I am letting the house go to shambles. I'm saying my priorities are different now.

But then...my life is different now. So very different.

Different is good.

2011-09-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

Do It Anyway

2011-09-12T18:09:00.000-07:00

Do It Anyway
By Mother Teresa

Please are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered: Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and
some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people
may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years
building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity
and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do
today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.

Give the world
the best you have and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got
anyway.

You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; It was
never between you and them anyway.

Great Weekend!

2011-09-12T17:50:00.001-07:00

It was a great weekend. It was hotter than hot the past week and the weekend was no exception but luckily, my home has AC and Stephanie's home is cooled quite well by a window unit and a couple well placed fans. I'm sure the huge trees surrounding the house help, too. :) So..the heat didn't bother us, which is great because if there is anything a person should know about me is I cannot stand being hot and sweaty.

The kids were with Dakota and Vicki. The plan had been to have the kids with them during the day and back here for sleeping (the heat can set off Kaylen's sensory issues which can make her a very miserable child. Both for her...and those around her.) but Friday, just minutes before Dakota arrived, they decided they would try to stay at her house and not come back to sleep.

Ok then. They rushed off to pack their stuff and I talked with them about if they changed their minds, all they had to do was say so and we would figure it out. I sent dakota a text so she was in the know with the change of plans.

They didn't change their minds. Even though the upstairs of the house was hot, they soldiered through and stayed the whole weekend.

For me it was a weird switch of gears. I hadn't planned to *not* see them all weekend (and yes - it is VERY hard to not see them on the weekends they are gone but luckily, I get to see them Friday and then again on Sunday before bed so I really only have to go one full day, twice a month, without seeing their bright and shiny faces) so this sudden shift of plans knocked me off balance a bit.

But it's not about me. It was about them and I'm ok with that. I regained my balance in time.

Plus it meant I could, once again, rearrange my weekend plans to what they had been (well mostly) before the news of the heat wave.

So win win. Kids happy, Casey happy.

Dogs not so happy.

I am gone for many hours on my kid-free weekends and while I try hard to limit my away time to 8 hours, it does sometimes reach nine or ten. And I feel bad but there is also Cody who is alone for more hours than that. And there is also Stephanie and me who want to be out in the world doing things. It's a fine balance we have to strike between taking care of the dogs and taking care of ourselves. Yet another reason I am not a dog person. But that isn't here or there at this point.

Anyway - when I am going to be gone longer than a few hours, I gate Jordan into the kitchen. That way, if he does have an accident, it is easier clean up. Still grosser than gross...but easier to clean up. I toss down his fluffy dog bed and another blanket but I do feel bad for him. He is so old now and I often wish I had a custom floor mat to put down for him. Something super comfy and soft but that cleans up super easily.

I don't. So his bed and a blanket will have to do.

I think he still has it better off than Maddie. She is locked in her crate and while she likes it well enough, it's a long time to be in a crate. Personally, I would lose my ever lovin' mind.

But then...when I finally do get hired somewhere, their time being locked up will be just as long as it is on days like this weekend.

I'm not so sure being a dog is that much fun. I would much rather be a well-cared for house cat. But then - we all know I am more of a cat person anyway. :)

So anyway...back to the weekend; it was great. The more time I spend with Stephanie, the more time I *want* to spend with her. We are going strong and building something fantastic. Now that school is back in session, our time together is severely limited but even so, we're making it work and it is working well. Very well indeed.

Life is good.

Time Keeps On Slippin' Slippin' Slippin'....

2011-09-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

...into the future.

Oh come on - you know you started singing along. :)

It's true though - time is slipping away faster than I can try to capture it and hold it still.

We had a fantastic long holiday weekend. Stephanie and I had all three kids so, as we do every weekend (kids or not) we spent our time going back and forth between the houses to take care of dogs. We have it down to a nice routine though so it feels pretty seamless. Friday night the kids and I stayed home and enjoyed a pizza and movie night together. We watched Rio, me for the first time and the kids for the second time. It was so much fun! Cute movie but my favorite part was listening to the kids say "Hey Kelton, remember THIS part??" or "Kaylen...watch! Here is that bird. Remember?!?!!" At the end of the movie, we went into special features and danced to all the songs that they had available. It was a great time!

Saturday the kids and I went out to Stephanie's in the late morning and stayed until late in the evening. The kids play so well together and even though they had been apart all week, they just clicked back into sync with each other. The boys played Wii, Kaylen picked berries and then all three played imagination games in the field. Oh - and at one point all three where in the bed of Stephanie's truck and were begging for her to drive around with them. If you had a truck in your family growing up, I know you know what I'm talking about. I remember (pre-seat belt laws) when my dad would let us ride in the back of his truck. He didn't take us far but it didn't matter - as a kid it felt like SO much wild freedom!

We looked at each other, shrugged and nodded yes, we set the ground rules (Sitting down at all time. Not being on your behind meant it was over. Just like that.) and Stephanie and I jumped into the cab of the truck. She drove, in first gear, all around the field. The laughter, as the bumps in the ground bounced them around, from the back of the truck was contagious! It was so much fun!

It wasn't long before we were back here and settling in for the night.

The next morning flew by and soon we were on our way back to the other house. We spent another fun-filled day there, complete with a last swim in the pool before it comes down for the year. As we were gathering kids and things to come back here that night, we all tried to find Cody, Stephanie's dog. The kids were calling for him and his name bounced around through the air and off the trees. I finally went out to search for him and found him laying right off the back patio (how they didn't see him is beyond me). He wouldn't move more than to lift his head. When he did lift his head, I saw red stuff all over his chin.

Crap.

I called Stephanie over. She tried to get him moving. Nope. Wasn't having it. She looked at the stuff on his chin, looked and me and said "He must have gotten into something." Crud. She scooped his limp body up and headed for the truck, I went the other way and grabbed her phone, keys and backpack.

She loaded him in the truck and the kids came running out. We told them she was going to take him to the vet because he wasn't acting right and we thought he had gotten into something not good for him because he had something on his chin. Andrew piped up with "That's sauce from my ravioli. I left it on the coffee table and he ate it." He looked down sheepishly because we all know the rule, Cody cannot, at any time, have people food. It makes him very sick. The other rule is never,e ver leave your food or dishes unattended.

Stephanie and I looked at each other with relief. Ok - so no poison. But what was wrong with him? We talked it over and decided, that while it is difficult to have Cody at the house with my cats, we would take him with us to keep an eye on him.

I kid you not.....we were about two miles from my house when the little fluff ball perked up and looked 100% fine! He continued to be fine for the rest of the night. Clearly he was just unhappy at the thought of being alone overnight again. (We worked out a strategy so he never came in contact with the cats (He enjoys chasing them. They do not enjoy it.) and we all survived the 24 hours. )

We arrived back, with Cody in tow, around 7:15pm. The plan was to build a campfire and have s'mores. At 7:30, Kaylen said "I wish we could set up the tent, too." I explained that I didn't want to sleep in the tent and that unless the boys did, we couldn't set it up. I didn't think the boys would want to either but surprise! They did.

I yanked the tent from its place in the garage and unzipped the bag. It hadn't seen the light of day for two years and was quite musty and I was feeling rusty in the department of setting it up. No problem either way though. Stephanie and I had it up in less than 15 minutes and the kids were thrilled!

We loaded in bedding and whatnot and then I built the fire. It was an awesome night! After making s'mores and sitting around the fire talking, the kids drifted off into the tent. Before long, games came out of the house and the three of them played HeadBandz and other games for a while. We sat on the patio and listened to them as they laughed and laughed. :)

Kaylen fell asleep around 11 and the boys were finally settled down just after midnight. We left the slider open to my bedroom so we could hear them and two of the dogs slept in the tent with the kids. The day rocked!

At then end of the weekend, none of us were ready for it be over. We took Andrew, Cody and Stephanie back to their house and we all had dinner together. Before long, the three of us were back in the car and heading home. We talked about what a great weekend it had been and they both bemoaned the fact that it was over and they didn't want it to be. I nodded my head in complete agreement.

A perfect weekend. A perfect ending to summer.

Oh you know....except for this heat wave we have had going all week which makes it hard to believe summer is really over. :)

Interesting Brain

2011-09-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, when I was at recess with Kaylen, a gaggle of girls were hula hooping. Kaylen among them. I was watching when I noticed that the child standing next to Kaylen was hula hooping in a different direction than Kaylen. "Huh." I thought, "She must be left handed."

Then I looked around. All the other girls were also hula hooping "backwards". Huh?

I did a quick survey and asked the girls to raise the hands they write with. Every single one shot their right hand in the air. Including Kaylen.

What?

Kaylen was the *only* one in a group of about 15 hula hooping girls who was hula hooping in a different direction than everyone else.

I know that over the past year I have been asked by different people if Kaylen was left handed because she did this, that or the other thing differently from the other kids. Take, for example, stepping. From standing still to walking, she leads with her left leg. During a random non-scientific survey I took, right handed people seem to lead with their right leg.

So....my very strongly right handed daughter seems to have a left handed wired brain.
What does that mean??? Is that why she has a brain bug? Crossed wires affecting the way she processes things? I don't know. I just find it fascination.

Just another way my daughter is marching to her own beat.

Day Three

2011-09-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

As expected, Day Three has gone without so much as a hiccup. I had to be at the school first thing this morning for a PTO related visit so the kids and I were there before the buses. They love arriving early!

Kelton's teacher spotted him and right away asked if he would be willing to help him with some things that needed to be done. With a big smile on his face, Kelton left my side and went with Mr. D. I have always liked Mr. D but with this seemingly small action, I think I moved from like to love. :) I really think Mr. D was an excellent match for Kelton.

Kaylen and I walked by her room on the way to pick up PTO things from the child of another PTO member (we use, what we lovingly call, "kid courier mail" for the back and forth paperwork). On our way back by her room, her teacher called to her. We went in and she said "Would you like to hang out in here with me while your mom works?" Again - from like to love. :) Kaylen eagerly nodded her head, turned to me and gave me a kiss before sending me on my way.

I achieved my "in school" work goal and left for home, secure in the knowledge that both my kids were happy in their rooms with their teachers. What a great feeling!

Already this year I can tell there will be no massive amount of school induced stress for me to use as effective fat burners. What a relief!

I arrived home with a stack of PTO mail, volunteer forms, request for funding and student supply funds. I got to work organizing, sorting, tossing and inputting data. The hours flew by and the next thing I knew it was close to Kaylen's lunch time. (She had asked Wednesday evening if I could come have lunch some day with her. I assured her I could and would but it couldn't be Thursday as I had to take my car in for some work.) I decided to jet over to the school and surprise her.

It was so great to hear the chorus of "Ms. Duncan! Ms. Duncan!" from so many of the kids. I said hello to everyone I could and then sat down at Kaylen's table. She, her friends and I enjoyed lunch together and then I joined them on the playground.

It didn't take long before I was bored out of my head. Kaylen was playing with a large circle of girls and was blissfully ignoring me. The recess staff came up one by one and shared their amazement with how far my little girl has come from last year. I am so proud of her!!! Before recess was over I said my goodbye to Kaylen (who really could not have cared any less if she tried! YAY!!!!!) and headed back home.

A few more hours of work on this, that and the other thing and I was finally able to leave the computer for a while. It was an incredibly rewarding and productive day which honestly? I really needed.

The kids arrived home with big smiles on their faces. Kelton is not only a "bus buddy" for a group of kindergartners but I also learned he is "cloakroom czar". Did I mention that I love his funny and quirky teacher?!?! Have I also mentioned that his quirky teacher has the legal middle name of "Spam Spam Eggs and Spam"? It's true! It's on his passport and drivers license! What a quirk!!

So yes - school is going well and my small people are settling in nicely.

Data Input

2011-09-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

This year, instead of buying school supplies and bringing them in to school, we have all kindergartners and second graders submitting supply fees and then the teachers buy supplies in quantity to save money and have enough supplies to last all year. We did it with kindergarten last year and it worked really well so this year, we've expanded to the second graders.

It's great except someone needs to enter the data into a spreadsheet.

Meet "someone". :)

It's actually pretty easy but it would be great to have the Epson TM-T88V to be able to print some sort of receipt to give to teachers.

I have to say though, after seeing what supplies for two kids cost this year (Thankfully, Dakota took that on.) I think the handing over a check and letting the teachers do shopping in bulk is much more cost effective. I enjoyed just writing a check for Kaylen's supplies last year and knowing it was done. Sure, it was sad that she couldn't pick out new crayons and whatnot but honestly? They don't keep their own supplies anyway. They go into a community basket and everyone shares so really...I saw it as avoiding problems with a newbie to the world of school not wanting to share "her" stuff? So writing a check was easy!

Day Two

2011-09-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

I am very proud to say that Kaylen appears to have her school anxiety licked. I know several people had voiced their concern last year that she would probably back slide when starting first grade but I had a gut feeling that she wouldn't. I watched and supported her as she worked and struggled hard to get where she was by the end of the school year last year and by sheer determination, she was going to hit the floor running this year.

She did not disappoint herself. She is rocking the school year!

This morning she bounded out of bed, into the shower and then went to get dressed. In the shower, she had voiced concerns about not being able to wear the jeans she picked out yesterday. I casually just said "That's ok. You can pick something else and try again with the jeans another day." That immediately calmed her down and she finished her shower. She went to get dressed and, amazingly enough, she came out in her jeans!

JEANS JEANS JEANS JEANS!!!!!! Moms who have kids with sensory disorders will understand what a HUGE deal this is. HUGE! Bigger than huge!!

Her excitement was similar to what I will expect when I pull out the outdoor halloween decorations in a few weeks time. So excited!

She couldn't stand the wait for school so with 20 minutes before the bus was due to arrive, she finally talked me into letting her stand out front to wait. She was so silly and giddy! Just look!

And this is how Kelton waited for the bus:

Kelton. He is another story this year. Something seems "off" with him and I am really working hard to figure it out. I'm hoping to get some one on one time with him during the coming long weekend to see if I can get him to open up. Something is bugging him...he just isn't himself. :(

First Day Success!

2011-08-31T20:55:00.000-07:00

Both kids came home with smiles on their faces and stories to share. Kaylen, after saying she had a really good day, looked at me and said "Mom. Do you think I can get my spot from Ms. B?" Her "spot" is a special sensory pillow for her to sit on during carpet time (also known as circle time in some schools). Because of her misfiring "sensors", she finds it painful to sit on hard surfaces. Once her sensory issues are stimulated, it goes down hill fast. I thought it was amazing that she assessed her problem, came up with the workable solution and then requested help. She is definitely a different child than last year! I placed a call to Ms. B, the counselor, and she said she would deliver Kaylen's spot to her classroom and it would be waiting for her in the morning. That was all it took - my girl was happy! Easy peasy!

After about 40 minutes of talking my ear off, the kids slowly settled in. Or so I thought. Kaylen actually went to her room to pick out tomorrow's outfit. Right there tells me a lot. She is doing great!

JEANS!!!

I know, right? Can you believe it?????? This child has never, since age 2 when her SI went full tilt, worn jeans for any length of time. And definitely not when changing out of them wouldn't be an option. PEOPLE: THIS IS HUGE!!!

She picked everything out and put them in her clothes cubby for tomorrow. I am really rooting for her to follow through in the morning. Time will tell and if she chooses not to go forward with jeans this time....well...at least she tried and maybe next time she will. The most important factor here is: She is doing great!!!!

I am so proud of her!!

Kelton seems to be having a bit of an adjustment issue. He isn't thrilled to be back at school but I hope that will change in the next week or so as he settles in. Growing up is hard - and I think the transition into the land of the older kids has unnerved him. He has a good teacher though so I think he will be ok. He had the same set of teachers (two of them) for both second and third grade so this switch to a new teacher is hard for him. But I have great faith in him that he will settle in and thrive.

Here's hoping they both have a fantastic second day!

Revisting a Revist

2011-08-31T14:05:00.001-07:00

I just spent time re-reading last September's blog entries and I came across these little movies of Kaylen when she was three.

How can my babies be so big already????

And We're Off!

2011-08-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

The 2011-2012 year has officially begun and both kids are happily settled into their classrooms.

The alarms started going off at 6AM this morning and the house was in full swing by 6:15. Kids were dressed and ready to go early enough that Kaylen wore her fully loaded backpack around the house for a good hour. :) We took our annual "First Day of School" pictures but sadly, both kids have a tendency to move the camera as they click the shutter so the ones of me with each child are a bit blurry and because the lighting sucked this morning (It was gray and raining. Of course.). The flash made it look like midnight but without it, they are not great either but life goes on and you can't recapture the moment. It is what it is. :)

Kaylen had a few minutes of panic/anxiety and collapsed onto the grass holding her tummy. After talking for a few minutes, she looked at me sadly and said "Will you meet me at the school?" I told her I would and she felt better.

We waited for the bus and they happily climbed on board. I followed the bus, parked on a neighborhood street (school parking lot is a lost cause on the first day) and was standing at her bus when the driver opened the door. She climbed off and we walked a little bit down towards her room. She turned, looked at me, smiled and said "I can do it from here." I kissed her, told her to have a great day and off she went!

I put on my official school badge and started helping kids find their rooms and answering questions for parents. Then I went into the office and helped the front desk staff. From there I went into the mail room and started counting out, and placing in teachers mailboxes, the massive amounts of paperwork that is sent home the first week.

I walked by the kids rooms to see them both happily engaged in their work and socializing with their table mates.

Two hours later, when my work was done, I walked by Kaylen's room. Her class was in music so I popped my head in and asked how she was doing. Her teacher smiled and said "She is really doing great!" We chatted for a few minutes and I was on my way back to home to an empty and silent house.

I can't wait to hear all about their day when they get home this afternoon. I miss those two!

Summer Goeth Before the Fall

2011-08-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

The day dawned overcast and drizzly. Perfect. Because, you know, I am not having enough trouble with the transition from summer time to school time. Today is the last full day of summer. The last summer night. Tomorrow is open house at the school and then home to bed so we can wake to the 6:30 alarm clock which will signal the official end of lazy summer morning and will begin the hectic school schedule.

Rush rush rush. Not enough time. Never enough time.

Let it be stated that I am going, kicking and screaming, into this change.

Kaylen states she is ready for it. Kelton and I have having trouble. Short fuses and tears from both of us are plentiful today. Change is hard.

Being as how Mother Nature decided to pull the rug out from under my denial today, I decided it might help me feel better (and, let's be honest, surrender to the changes) to pull out the fall decorations. This was not as easy as it seems.

Last year, the person who helped me store the fall, Halloween and Christmas decorations threw a kink in my being able to get them out. In years passed, when putting everything up in the attic, the Christmas boxes went in first, then Halloween then fall. The reason being it was easier to access the boxes of needed decorations in order.

Ummm...yeah. Halloween and fall were shoved in the far reaches of the attic space and the Christmas boxes impeded being able to even get into the attic.

Add to that, I *won't* climb up into the attic, Kelton has a fear of heights and Kaylen, while eager to get up there, is just too short. Damn.

I called a neighbor boy this afternoon and he popped over and crawled up there. After much moving of things, he located the fall and Halloween bins and handed them down to me. He earned $10 for about 15 minutes of work but at least I have my decorations and I didn't have to break myself to get them.

About 15 minutes later, I had the fall decorations in place. Remember how I thought it would help make me feel better...you know...jumping in with both feet? It does not.

Once upon a time, three and more years back (all my life, actually), fall used to be my favorite time of year. A time to begin anew. Now, as in very recent years, it is filled with dread, fear, anxiety and panic.

Some day I hope it is again a time I love.

The Beginning - Again

2011-08-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

The clothes are bought. The backpacks and lunchboxes are in place. The school supplies have been purchased. New shoes wait to be worn and new clothes are in drawers and closets.

Clothes for Kaylen was challenging this year - as clothes always are for her so... knowing her clothing issues as well as I do, I took her to the second hand store, Once Upon a Child. She and I pulled about 60 items of clothing to try on. She selected 15 that she thought would do. (Shirts, soft stretch pants, skirts and dresses. Thank goodness in amongst it all, she didn't ask for cupless bras. I'm so not ready for that. Ok - really? Is any parent EVER ready for that bit of knowledge about their child? :)) The items she selected have the HUGE advantage of being pre-worn so they are as soft as they are going to get. She knows exactly what she is getting. And bonus - it didn't break the budget. :)

Dakota picked up things for Kelton. A few new shirts and pants. Shoes.

It's a time for starting over.

The leaves have already started to fall from trees. The neighbors yard, always the first to need it, needs to be raked already.

September is imminent. For me, September is more like New Years than January. Everything starts over. Everything is new.

Buckle your seat belt because here we go.

End of the Line

2011-08-25T15:11:00.000-07:00

Summer. All but over. I think I can hear the beginning strains of taps playing in the background. I'm not ready.

The weather is finally hot. As in HOT. I have a feeling this fall is going to be uncomfortably warm. I might be way off base but I think with the changes in the world, our seasons have shifted, ever so slightly. The summer starts later and runs later and winter? Well - it never ends. The cold dark wet days will be here before I know it. I'm not ready.

I want to have more swimming pool days, long lazy afternoons, late nights on the patio. I want to hear the kids clamour for ice cream, cold drinks and beg to buy the latest and greatest buy xbox games. I want the cats to stretch out on the hot patio and sleep away the afternoon. I want to drink sweet ice tea by the gallon.

I want. I want. I want.

And yet - here we are. The days are winding down at an alarming pace. Today is Thursday. Tomorrow the kids go to Dakota's for the weekend. Then Monday. Monday is the last real summer day. Tuesday is open house at school and Wednesday is the first day.

And I'm not ready.

Your Children Are Watching

2011-08-20T09:23:00.001-07:00

I stole this from a blog I wandered by this morning. It was talking about when bad things happen and how we, as moms, process how to handle it. The bad could be all sorts of bad: health related, divorce, lack of employment, problems with other people...it doesn't matter what type of "bad" it is.

If you are a mom who has children watching your every move, who count on you to keep their world together, who rely on you more than any other person on the planet....you get this.

This is what we do.

"You intend to be stoic…strong…a champion…even knowing as you promise yourself this that in reality you will crumble to the floor in a heap and scream and cry and pound your fist at the injustice.

And then… you will rise. You will be stoic. You will have faith. Because really…what other choice do you have? After all, your children will be watching."

Your children are watching. I know mine are. They are looking for chinks in my armour - anything that will belie my outward appearance of everything is fine and dandy - that I have it all handled and nothing can rattle me so deeply that it can't be fixed by a decent night's sleep. They are watching me when I say "It's ok. Everything is fine. You are fine and we are fine together." When I say "We are very lucky. We have people who love us and want the best for us." When I tell them that, in a few years we will look back over this time and be amazed and how far we have come. When I cuddle them and tell them it won't always hurt this much or that something that seems so enormous to them will, in time, grow smaller.

I can't fall apart in their line of sight. I have to remain steady in front of them. Falling apart is reserved for showers and late in the night and Facebook updates. People often tell me "I don't know how to do it." My answer is simply "I have no choice."

What other choice do I have? My children are watching.

Summer Cookout Night

2011-08-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

As tradition goes, we have at least one night every summer where we have a cookout. In years past, it usually is one of the times when the tent has been up and we slept outside. Last year and this year, I skipped the tent part and we just had the cookout.

I built the fire and got it going and Kaylen sat out with me and we talked as we watched it burn down until it was finally good for hot dog and chicken nugget roasting. Yes, I said chicken nuggets. Apparently, Kaylen wasn't in the mood for hot dogs so she decided on chicken nuggets. I didn't care either way so chicken nuggets it was. Some day, when I am out searching for the perfect medical school graduation gift for her, I will look back on tonight and have a good giggle. :) Chicken nuggets, roasting over a campfire. Gotta love my daughter!

Kelton and I opted for hot dogs.

And for dessert? S'mores, of course. :)

It was a good little cookout. Calm and non-rushed. Good conversations and no bickering between themselves. Probably the best one I've ever had with the two of them - a sure sign that they are growing up right before my eyes.

Friday Night - Again

2011-08-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Oh look. It's Friday night again and, right on time, I'm blogging at 8:50pm. This time there is no one snoring gently next to me. Only the sounds of children settling in for sleep and a cat or two wandering around. Even the dogs are, blissfully so, settled in. You know - until around the time I flip off my light and try to sleep. Then they will be up and needing outside, where Jordan will wander around the yard fora good 20 minutes before coming back in. And, as luck would have it, he is mostly deaf so calling him doesn't help. I'm totally at his nighttime wandering mercy.

Nothing new in that.

With all my nighttime interruptions and all the other crap (and no, that isn't a pun) I have to deal with, I count myself luck that dog mange is not on the list. At least there is a bright spot, right? :)

Today has been a pretty good day. The kids found out who their teachers are and both are happy. Kaylen seemed to visibly relax when I read off her classmates name. She knows many of the kids from her class last year. A downer for her is two of the kids she is nervous about due to behavior issues early on last year are also in her class(one is "the spitter" and the other was a behavior issue kid. Kaylen gets upset when kids get into trouble for not doing what they should do. At school, she is very much a rule follower and thinks everyone else should be too. I have to agree with her on that one.). We weren't able to meet up with her teacher today but we did get to talk with the teachers who Ms. M student taught for a couple years back and Kaylen asked how well Ms. M could deal with "the spitter". Mrs. V assured Kaylen that Ms. M was very good at making sure everyone felt safe. That helped a lot.

Kaylen is ready for school! She even informed me that she thinks she will say goodbye at the house on the first day and doesn't need me to follow the bus. She has opted to leave that open in case she changes her mind though. :) Kelton is dead set against me following him to school. Guess I don't blame him but it kind of sucks for me.

Kelton was listed on two class lists. His first choice, and mine. Apparently there was an oversight for the final assignment. This meant, of course, that he was able to choose which one he wanted. He, of course, chose Mr. D and I am ok with that. Mr. D was there today so we got to spend some time talking with him and Kelton got to ask questions about what the year will hold. He, too, is ready to go.

Because of all the teacher changes and looping, the school no longer has the usual primary and intermediate sides. Instead, all the grades and jumbled up throughout the building. It's actually kind of nice. For my two, it means they are three classrooms away from each other. I think Kaylen likes knowing her room is so close to her brother's. I have to admit, I kind of like knowing that, too. :)

The school has also been undergoing some other changes; classrooms are being set up to accommodate all types of learners. The teacher I was talking with today has an interesting point: Where do you read books? I'm willing to bet you read them curled up on the couch or in a favorite comfy chair. Maybe, like me, you sit on the patio and read. Maybe in bed. Where is it we expect kids to read at school? Sitting up in hard chairs leaning over a desk or table. I bet not many of us sit at the kitchen table and read our books - at least not books for pleasure reading.

So now classrooms have some tables and chairs, big pillows on the floor, tall tables for students who like to stand and work.....super low tables for kids who like to sit on the floor and work. Even clipboards for those who prefer to lay on the floor and work.

I think this is AWESOME!!!! Kelton has a hard time sitting in his chair and working. This will give him different places and he can find what best suits him. Kaylen's classroom is completely set up and it is so cute, cozy and inviting. No more harsh overhead lighting. I think she is going to thrive in this type of environment and I am very excited for both kids. I think it's going to be a great year for them!

One more week of summer left. Wow.