....my pity party. Aren't you the lucky ones. :)
I'm tired. I know that. So therefore it stands to reason that I am not coping very well. The last few nights have been filled with precious little sleep for me and I dare say, probably not a lot for my little girl either. She seems to be in the midst of some gigantic developmental growth. Her verbal skills have grown by leaps and bounds in the past few days (she is cranking out some four and five word sentences and using tons of new words) so I think her mind is just so busy that it is keeping her from staying asleep for longer than oh say...30 minutes at a stretch.
She talks and cries out seemingly non-stop all night long. She thrashes around in the bed. It's incredibly frustrating to have a lot of patience for it at 2:30 in the morning when it had been going on since way earlier and I still have hours left to go. And naps for her? Forget it. The past three days she was napping for a mere 30 minutes, even though she is no where near ready to give up naps. She wants to sleep, I get that. I want her to sleep. Scratch that....I NEED her to sleep. I NEED sleep.
Ok - so the groundwork is down for you - I'm tired and my darling little one is the reason.
My pity party? I guess I'm just feeling like a loser these days (probably one day less than the sleep deprivation has been happening but whatever...I still feel like a loser). I feel like one of those girls in high school that no one wanted to be friends with who, if given half the chance was probably a really great person. And yet, people couldn't get past her ugly glasses or stringy hair or whatever it was that the popular crowd considered loser material.
I know I'm being sensitive. I get that. But is it really that much to ask that my posts in message groups and boards get responses equal to the responses other people get? Is it *really* necessary for one person, who seems to have an issue with me, to attack every freakin' thing I say when I respond to someone else's posts? I'm just saying that I don't recall an MD following HER name and it did indeed follow the name of the person who gave ME the advice I was passing on (and properly credited). Why do some people feel the need to throw barbs every chance they get? This is exactly why I stopped posting and responding on this particular group for a long, long while (and because of the exact same person) and yet why should *I* have to stop posting? Why does someone else have free reign to be an ass to other people?
I'm just tired. Normally it would (probably) roll off my back but today it really hit me hard. It made me feel like a loser - like I have nothing of value to add. I know that it's not true. I'm not that pathetic but for a while today I was (am) feeling *that* pathetic. And you know the kicker? I usually hit delete whenever I see a posting come through from her. I have no need to read her crap and yet for some reason, I scrolled through it (and her posts are longer than the freakin' Gettysberg Address! I guess she has a lot to be right about.) today to see the "not so subtle" attack on what I had posted.
And...in case that isn't enough..when I start feeling like I'm a loser I start to focus on all the other things that suck. Why don't I have many friends in real life? I used to have so many friends (and therefore know I can make and keep friends) but then, after kids and staying home with them, I just don't. I have a few mommy friends I talk with and one really good friend I talk with daily but I'm missing the connection from having friends you can just call up and say "Hey - what are you doing? Wanna meet for coffee?" I know it all changes once you have kids - I get that. I'm just feeling lonely. Isolated.
And again - I know this all comes from being tired. I just have to get it out.
Please, please, please - let me get some decent sleep tonight. Life always feels, and looks better, when you get sleep.
And on another front - I scrapped tonight. Check it out: